FanHouse Mike Francesa

ESPN.com's Bill Simmons is currently on his book tour (more on that here), but on Monday, he and his Beverly Hills mansion were featured on "Mayne Street."

Kenny Mayne has made a career out of his deadpanned quirkiness. That, along with the fact that Simmons doesn't have much of an acting resume, figured to make for an uncomfortable four or five minutes that included me wincing as Simmons stumbled through his lines while Mayne got all the laughs.

Didn't happen. In fact, Simmons stole the episode. Jenn with two n's, the Doug Christie Clippers jersey, Stacy Keibler calling Mayne "Lenny", business associate Scott -- all hilarious. Well, to everybody but Mike Francesa, who was railing about Simmons' performance on his radio show.

(UPDATE: "Mayne Street" segment, Francesa's comments,and Simmons' response all after the jump.)

Today's biggest baseball story (with all due respect to the racist umps story) was the death of former Yankees broadcaster and Hall of Famer Phil Rizzuto. Us FanHousers knew Phil Rizzuto no better than most, which is to say we knew him as the broadcaster, the guy from the Meatloaf song, and the player whose last name Billy Madison fails to accurately write in chalk.

Thankfully, those who knew Rizzuto are chiming in today. Among the contributors: Rizzuto's wife, who called Phil "her beautiful prince" (deserves a very sincere awww); Mike Francesa; and a really well-written, thoughtful take from Phil Pepe:

This was a rainy afternoon in Minnesota on a Yankees trip in the early seventies. Looking to kill a few hours, several players and writers decided to take in the popular X-rated movie of the day. Phil Rizzuto was invited to join the group.

"Oh, no," said The Scooter. "I can't be seen at something like that."

Off we went, Scooterless, to the theater. We were sitting in the dark for about an hour when, on the screen, flashed a particularly ribald scene. Suddenly, from the back of the silent theater, a familiar shriek was heard.

"Holy Cow!"

Rizzuto had slipped into the theater surreptitiously, wearing a raincoat with the collar turned up, a hat and sunglasses so as not to be recognized, but with two words he had blown his cover.

Those are the kinds of stories that help folks like us -- who will probably unabashedly still make Rirruto references -- get a little dose of reality. Good stuff.

Previously on the FanHouse:
Yankee Legend Phil Rizzuto Dead at 89

Criticism of Joe Morgan and the rest of ESPN's entourage of non-sensical, former athlete analysts has typically been limited to us unhinged folks in the blogosphere. We're annoyed! We're angry! Joe Morgan makes no sense when he talks! So goes the discourse, at times rewarding and at others annoying, depending on who you're reading.

But the New York Post's Phil Mushnick has hopped on lately -- along with New York radio's Mike Francesa -- to criticize ESPN's business practices, culture of secrecy, and silly programming. Francesa had a problem with Who's Now; Mushnick is getting darn fed up with Joltin' Joe Morgan:

MOST of us fully understand by now that ESPN has become a "Proceed At Your Own Risk" deal. But still, assigning Joe Morgan to be America's lead baseball analyst . . . what did we do to deserve this?

For a man given to detailed expert explanations and historical perspectives (few of which make sense or are supported by facts), Morgan has been disinclined to explain how Bonds hit 25 homers at the age of 26 but 73 at the age of 36, 34 at 27 but 46 at 37. At least give it a guess, Joe.

Tuesday, Morgan might have chosen to say nothing before telling a national audience that Bonds has earned admiration and applause. But I fully suspect even ESPN by now knows its lead baseball analyst - America's lead baseball analyst - has his own issues.

Good for Mushnick, even if he misses some of the best parts about Morgan's ineptitude, all of which you can review in time-engulfing detail at Fire Joe Morgan. Will the dream come true? will Morgan really be fired? Not as long as average baseball fans -- my friend recently told me that it "doesn't get better than Miller and Morgan on a Sunday night" -- continue to buy in. Still, it's a start.