FanHouse Mittens

Jake Delhomme is the undoubted goat of the Carolina Panthers' failures last season, because of the 72 six turnovers he had against the Cardinals in the playoffs. Whether he deserves total blame or not is an entirely different issue, but Panthers fans are still going to blame him.

That should make the news that the Cats are talking contract extension with the 34-year-old quarterback go over quite smoothly with the Carolina faithful.

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

St. Louis (2-13) at Atlanta (10-5): If Atlanta takes care of business here, they could be facing the Arizona Cardinals at home in their first playoff game. Could a scenario get any better for a rookie quarterback? Hey Matt Ryan, I know it is the playoffs and all, but this is one of the worst sports franchises in the history of football. Also, they've won just one game since Veterans Day.

If this shakes out, Ryan might be the most blessed kid since the one Mary conceived.

Pick: Atlanta

This season, FanHouse writers take their cameras to NFL stadiums to document what happens when you stop being polite and start getting real. Or something. We've cleverly titled it "FanHouse in the Stands."

Okay, I've seen some weird stuff at NFL games like tailgating snakes and lame gameday attire, but this picture that my friend Andy sent me is truly inexplicable.

Why would someone wear a David Carr PANTHERS jersey to a Houston Texans game against the Titans?

How did such a jersey even exist? Mister Mittens lost his starting job with the Panthers to Vinny Freaking Testaverde, a guy who wasn't in camp with the team and didn't know the names of the guys he was playing with when he took over the offense. Matt Moore, a rookie from Oregon State got on the field over Carr.

Did the Panther Mittens guy lose a bet? If he loves the man so much, why not rock a Carr Giants jersey? Does this guy want someone to *accidentally" spill a big plate of nachos on him? Because I can't think of any jersey you could wear to a Texans game that would cause more abuse being flung your way.

Anyhow, I felt compelled to put together a photoshop essay to share my thoughts on this. Enjoy....

NFL FanHouse Midseason Midtacular: because handing out awards at the halfway point in the season seemed like the right thing to do.

Last year, FanHouse's own Ryan Wilson issued the midseason Least Valuable Player Award to Shaun Alexander. A worthy selection for sure, but little did Old Man Wilson know that, at the conclusion of the 2007 season, no one would be less valuable than Mittens. (Except for the guy who kind of half-asses a blog about him. That guy's really pathetic.)

Your Nominees for NFL LVP (soon to be renamed the Mittens Award):

David Carr, QB, New York Giants
Kidding. Sorry, force of habit. (And actually, he has a perfect passer rating I believe. Steph and I will now do some group suicide thing.)

This season, FanHouse writers take their cameras to NFL stadiums to document what happens when you stop being polite and start getting real. Or something. We've cleverly titled it "FanHouse in the Stands."

The end zone seats at many stadiums are usually where you can find some of the most passionate fans. They are the closest seats to the field that are semi-affordable to regular fans.

At Reliant Stadium, there is a section of seats in the north end zone that the Houston Texans call "The Bull Pen." It's a section where standing the entire game is pretty much mandatory, and they don't recommend families sitting in that area.

Last Sunday, courtesy of some friends, I sat in the front row of The Bull Pen, and I wanted to give you a flavor of what it is like. This entry includes semi-vulgarity, fashion don'ts and cheerleader dancing video....very up close...for those of the FanHouse readership who like that sort of thing.

This season, FanHouse writers take their cameras to NFL stadiums to document what happens when you stop being polite and start getting real. Or something. We've cleverly titled it "FanHouse in the Stands."

Today I will talk about the random weird stuff you can see while tailgating. For example, before Sunday's Texans-Bengal game, I saw a dude wandering about the tailgates with a live snake and the first fan I've ever seen wearing a legitimate Sage Rosenfels jersey.

I'm not sure which is more strange.

So I made a movie documenting this called "Snake on a Fan." It includes celeb sightings and features a special homage to Mittens. No Rosenchappas were harmed in the making of this film. (Though to be fair, I will state that I like backup quarterback Sage Rosenfels a lot, though just not as a replacement to Matt Schaub).

Snake dude would not agree to a camera interview unless I was in the video with him. I do not like being in videos at all, but I guess it was a sacrifice I had to make for fact-finding. I like snakes significantly less than Samuel L. Jackson, which means not at all. As you can see in my film ....

Sorting the Sunday Pile looks back at the NFL weekend that was. It's also an unofficial Mittens blog.

Sunday was supposed to be a coronation of sorts; Tom Brady would take his first snap in seven months, the Patriots would resume their quest for perfection, and the rest of the football-watching world would have front-row seats for the awesomeness that was sure to ensue. And then, in the time it took New England running back Sammy Morris to block Kansas City safety Bernard Pollard to the turf -- and into Brady's knee -- the Patriots' season was over.

Obviously, they'll still play the remaining 15 games on their schedule, but as Peter King so somberly explained during "Football Night in America," "Tom Brady is football." That's a bit much, I think, but I take the point; the Patriots go as Brady goes, and without him, they're just a team and Bill Belichick is just a coach.

There's still much to sort through, especially in terms of tailoring the offense to highlight backup Matt Cassel's strong suits (more broken plays that result in awkward quarterback scrambles?), but one thing is certain: in no way was the hit on Brady dirty. Following the game, Randy Moss disagreed, but I suspect that had more to do with being in shock at the situation he currently finds himself. Brady saved Moss' career a year ago and the prospect of having to catch passes from a guy who spent his college career handing out water to Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart whenever they came to the sidelines has to be disconcerting.