FanHouse MrMet

Usually it's the crazy mascots attacking fans, or doing stupid things in the vicinity of fans, that causes trouble. Or just Benny the Bull. But Saturday, it was a fan upset with Mr. Met, apparently, that led to a little scuffle at Shea Stadium.

Christian Hansen of Gowanus, Brooklyn, was seen "harassing Mr. Met and pushing little children out of the way" at Shea Stadium, a law-enforcement source said.

When security officials told the soused sports nut to leave, he refused.

Then, as security guards escorted out the Mr. Met-basher, Hansen took a wild swing at an employee and spit in his face, law-enforcement sources said.

A woman who identified herself as Hansen's girlfriend denied he had been in a confrontation with guards or Mr. Met.

"It's not true," she said. "Nothing ever happened with Mr. Met."

Yeah, sure, lady. Whatever you say. We all know that either a) Mr. Met had his cartoony mitts all over you -- he is quite the lady's man -- or b) he refused to show up to your wedding and mosh-dance during the reception. Either are certainly acceptable for being angry and going all Ventura on the mascot, but pushing kids out of the way? Totally un-dude, dude.

Via Deadspin

The Mets are a great team, don't get me wrong. I'm not even the type to hold that... that thing they did in September against them. It could happen to anybody. As an Orioles fan I'm used to seeing stuff like that at the beginning of the season instead of the end, but hey, what are you gonna do.

The Mets have great pitching, a great infield, and a loose pile of body parts and miscellanea scattered across the outfield.

Here's my plan to overcome injuries and past failures this season: WRITE AN EPIC VICTORY SONG RIGHT NOW. Don't wait until May when you're in first place, write it right now. Get David Wright to wear his had sideways or put on the Shufflin' Crew headband and do the cabbage patch in the background while Jose Reyes raps about how they're just "having fun to be the best." It's still Our Team but not necessarily Our Time. We need some Baseball Boogie-quality rip rap rippity doo to put the Dumptyesque Mets Outfield back together again.

That, or like a whole thing of HGH. After the jump, Our Team (Time not specified).

It's Official! Kris Benson signs with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"

With the migration of Anna Benson comes the next chapter in a Dugout story that began in the long long ago before the darkness came about how Anna would sleep with everyone on the team including the mascot if she ever caught her husband cheating. The only way this could get better for us is if she got traded to the Red Sox and got to deflower Wally the Green Monster. She would have to go into the police force and get choked by Dmitri Young to be more Dugout ready.

Anna Benson wears a jersey around her cleavage like we'd never expect and Kris Benson gets into a plane crash and misses the '08 season with a dilated brain in today's Dugout, after the jump.