We're just a week into the season, so don't get mad if your team isn't where you might have expected. It's just that if we go by what we've actually seen, as opposed to what's been predicted, then this is for the most part where teams should fall based on their early performances. But if you're offended by the spot your favorite team holds, fear not: they likely have 79 regular season games remaining to right the ship.
NBA Power Rankings: Ours is much more of an emotional look than most. Recent events matter, and long-term projections are (mostly) ignored. After all, no one wants to simply read the Vegas odds for winning the title each week, right?
NBA Power Rankings: Ours is much more of an emotional look than most. Recent events matter, and long-term projections are (mostly) ignored. After all, no one wants to simply read the Vegas odds for winning the title each week, right?
NBA Power Rankings: Ours is much more of an emotional look than most. Recent events matter, and long-term projections are (mostly) ignored. After all, no one wants to simply read the Vegas odds for winning the title each week, right?
NBA Power Rankings: Ours is much more of an emotional look than most. Recent events matter, and long-term projections are (mostly) ignored. After all, no one wants to simply read the Vegas odds for winning the title each week, right?
After weeks of deliberations, the elders of the NBA FanHouse have concluded that traditional Power Rankings are played out. Revolutionaries that we are, we are hereby replacing them with something called This Week in NBA Top Tens. The name may be confusing, but the concept is pretty simply. Today, we ask that timeless question: which team be best to hit the club with?
10. Hornets: They barely have a home. No one knows who the young'uns are, and the vets have been all but forgotten. They are probably the only team you could hang out with at a Holiday Inn bar, and probably the one team who would do it-and have a sense of humor about it. If Chris Paul doesn't drink, I'm cool with that.
9. Spurs: Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "The boring Spurs? You've got to be kidding, right?" Well, no. I mean, break it down for a sec: Duncan's standing in the corner allergic to "fun"; Parker's attached to Eva's hip; Ginobili's flopping and flailing all over the dance floor; and Brent Barry's held up at coat check, torn over whether or not he should keep his jacket on. Do you realize how many hot chicks this leaves for Robert Horry and me? All of 'em!
8. Portland. Darius Miles, while injured and out for the year, is still on the roster. And I doubt that this is his really Darius Miles' myspace page, but if it is... his answer to a "survey" question about his bedtime is "No sleepin', parties ain't stoppin' till 8 a.m." His "most missed memory" is "Dunking on white people." Asked if he wants to go to college, he says "No, I'm RICH." We could hang.
7. Celtics: Tony Allen orders assaults, Paul Pierce gets attacked. The two cancel each other out, the easy jokes are on the books, and it's time to face facts. The Celtics may not ever gel as a basketball team, but they're the spitting image of that loud, varied crew that takes over a spot without annoying everyone. I would pay money to watch Delonte clown Al Jefferson over his awkwardness with the ladies, or discover that Ryan Gomes is actually the cockiest young Celt of them all. Bonus points for Gerald Green jumping over the bar.
After weeks of deliberations, the elders of the NBA FanHouse have concluded that traditional Power Rankings are played out. Revolutionaries that we are, we are hereby replacing them with something called This Week in NBA Top Tens. The name may be confusing, but the concept is pretty simply. Today, we ask that timeless question: which team be best to hit the club with?
6. Raptors: Pack you glow sticks, kids. With two Spaniards (Garbajosa and Calderon), some Eastern Europeans (Nesterovic and Slokar), and a twenty-one year old Italian with spiky hair (Bargnani), this team was made for the riotous nightlife of Ibiza. And besides, you haven't really lived until you've seen Chris Bosh and Pape Sow try to dance to techno music. . . in foam.
5. Sacramento. Their starting point guard rolls with a crew that calls themselves "Team Dime," a group which has gotten themselves into some legal trouble with a little bit of minor violence. I don't want to be a member of Team Dime, but if I could have my own Team Dime for a while ... that would be sweet. Throw in the unpredictability of Ron Artest, with his nude locker room push-ups and Best Buy applications, and you're in for a hell of a night.
4. Hawks: They're a team of young Black millionaires in Atlanta. You really think they don't know how to live it up? Caveat: They lead the league in shyness, humility and manners. Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Marvin Williams, Shelden Williams, Josh Childress. . . it's a non-stop parade of mama's boys up in there. Enter Salim Stoudamire, whose job it is to sound the call, break out the diamond cuff links, and lead the train to the VIP.
After weeks of deliberations, the elders of the NBA FanHouse have concluded that traditional Power Rankings are played out. Revolutionaries that we are, we are hereby replacing them with something called This Week in NBA Top Tens. The name may be confusing, but the concept is pretty simply. Today, we ask that timeless question: which team be best to hit the club with?
3. Wizards: A gimme. So much so that I'll try and channel my inner Wizznutzz just to make this interesting. . . OH MY. The Swag is on tonight!!! Gil's in crushed velvet. Caron's dressed in black like Tuff Juice Original. And Booth! Booth is topless again flashing those dog-tired nipples that the girlz straightup adore. Tonight "Havana Breeze" is the place to be, but before they enter Etan spits a quick stanza 'bout drinking and driving called "MADDening Moments", which the team rides in on. STREAKY BACON appetizzzers! Rejoice!!! Of course, Chico Debarge is on stage with the house band "GRUPO LA ESSENCIA", so Jarvis pops up and leads a stirring rendetiion of 'Listen To your Man', except Chico does Joe's verse and Jarvis does Chico's. Antawn, knee on shaken ice, guffaws after AD tells him Brenada's lost at Phantasmagorias. "But thats in Wheaton!" Hahaha... "Oh, Brenda!" Good times!!!!
2. Golden State Warriors. When you hit the town with Stephen Jackson, you know you're going to a strip club, and if some trouble jumps off, you know he's not afraid to squeeze off a few rounds to protect you. And he's probably so happy to be away from Indiana, that you'll be going to the dirtiest house parties in Oakland, five nights a week. And let's not forget Baron Davis, sometimes called "Boom Dizzle," who is godfather to the son of rapper "The Game." From The Game's Like Father, Like Son:
I'm popping Cris with your Godfathers, Baron Davis and "D-Mack" Darius Rogers
Popping Cris with The Game, calling anyone "Boom Dizzle," and shooting at people with Stephen Jackson ... sign me up.
1. Suns: Come on, it's pretty obvious at this point that this team is F-U-N. I know there's that whole thing about Marion being fragile, and Amare demanding attention. But just like on the floor, Nash would be there to pull it all together, include them all and play to their social strengths (like Amare laughing way too long at jokes). Raja is no one's favorite player, would be everyone's favorite dude to high-five amidst the chaos.
After weeks of deliberations, the elders of the NBA FanHouse have concluded that traditional Power Rankings are played out. Revolutionaries that we are, we are hereby replacing them with something called This Week in NBA Top Tens. The name may be confusing, but the concept is pretty simply. Today, we ask that timeless question: which team be best to hit the club with?
