FanHouse OldLOL

As reported earlier today, former All-Star, World Series champion, and all-around somewhat competent baseball player Chuck Knoblauch has been charged with hitting his common-law wife in the face and choking her like she was a female police officer. Since his premature retirement at the age of 34, Knoblauch has steadily and consistently descended into a weird kind of personal madness usually reserved for aging soul singers and professional wrestlers.

There aren't a lot of details at this time, so tonight's Dugout heads back to the glory days of the Yankees and revisits the Knob gobbler in his prime. Warning: this Dugout contains frank discussions about domestic abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

Not to ignore everything else that is happening in the world of baseball, but Jim Thome and Manny Ramirez are on the same team and you should be reading about it.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Part four of the quest to reunite the entirety of the 1997 Cleveland Indians on the 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers takes us places we never dared go, to a post-apocalyptic wasteland where humanity is depraved and the skies are filled with ash.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Sunday's Dugout concerned the possibility of Roger Clemens writing a book. Well, The Dugout is going to further explore this possibility. If Clemens does decide to put a book together, whether it concerns Brian McNamee or not, what will it look like? How will it read?

Your Dugout is after the jump. Enjoy your intelligence while it lasts, because this one will make you stupid.

Apparently inspired by the runaway success of Jose Canseco's Juiced and the runaway existence of Selena Roberts' A-Rod, Roger Clemens is thinking about slapping his artisan hands against a typewriter and pounding out a book. He wants to write about his relationship with Brian McNamee, but as Matt Snyder asks, how on Earth can he fill a book with that story? Snyder estimates that the book, if written, will be 15 pages long. I'm guessing that it will stretch for a full 200 pages, but only if it's a flipbook depicting Clemens throwing a pie in McNamee's face.

The next great American Dugout is after the jump.

The New Years Eve edition of the Dugout could've very easily been Delmon and Dmitri Young choking the hell out of a Baby New Year, but I wanted to see the "Roger Clemens Implicated In The Mitchell Report" graphic one more time before the ball dropped. Hello again, old friend.

For the next rotted rung on the Roger Clemens Ladder to Hell, a Houston area hospital has decided to remove Roger's name from the sports medicine institute he paid for. You couldn't remove Roger's name from that report to the right? You couldn't remove it from Mindy McCready's (assumedly) gigantic 80s looking Zack Morris cell phone?

The last Dugout of the year is after the jump.

We are entering the Seige Perilous of the offseasion, and when we emerge we will be forever changed. I've spent the last two days meticulously going over the rumors, data, and transactions of baseball's Winter Meetings and have gathered them here for you in succinct, online comic form. Every newsbit is here: How much money Francisco Rodriguez is getting to play for the Mets, where star reliver "K-Rod" will end up, and what's in store for former Angels pitcher Frank Rodriguez. It's all here!

Tonight's late night Dugout is after the jump. And if you're just joining us, don't forget to read Jon's take on the Greg Maddux retirement announcement, which is amazing.

Look at that guy. How could you not pardon that? Roger Clemens could be seeking a Presidential pardon for his crimes, and his journey toward freedom begins here, with his biggest fans, the writers of The Dugout.

This afternoon's Dugout -- a tasteful, progressive look at the gray areas of white-collar American crime -- is after the jump.

I'm watching the Steelers wrap up a solid victory over the Redskins, sparing me hours of stupid Super Bowl hype at work tomorrow. That being said, Roger Clemens is a complete fool.

Keith Ellison, the district judge overseeing Roger's defamation suit against Brian McNamee, is thinking about dismissing the case entirely. This would leave him, appropriately enough, screwed without leave. And just in case you begin feeling sorry for the potential Hall of Famer, here's a Dugout to remind you that Roger played the soggy drum set with a 15 year old girl.

Am I committing slander myself by saying such things? Bloggin' knows no rules. Bloggin'.

THIS

IS WHERE THE POWER LIIIIIIES

Join host Mel Allen as he takes a look back at the stories that mattered in the world of Major League Baseball this week on "This Week in Baseball," conveniently presented in the form of a chatroom transcript for those of you reading AOL Sports' "Fanhouse" blog, and presented in HD on certain cable systems you live nowhere even close to getting.

/TWIB opening music

In tonight's second Dugout, Kyle Farnsworth breaks up with his wife after she finds out he's been secretly sleeping with Trisha Yearwood. No, wait, Dontrelle Willis finds out that the Oakridge Boys have traded away Duane Allen and equates it similarly to trading ones own brain. No, wait, Dmitri Young chokes the hell out of Tammy Wynette.

Or, this. After the jump.