It's Official! Kris Bensonsigns with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"
With the migration of Anna Benson comes the next chapter in a Dugout story that began in the long long ago before the darkness came about how Anna would sleep with everyone on the team including the mascot if she ever caught her husband cheating. The only way this could get better for us is if she got traded to the Red Sox and got to deflower Wally the Green Monster. She would have to go into the police force and get choked by Dmitri Young to be more Dugout ready.
Anna Benson wears a jersey around her cleavage like we'd never expect and Kris Benson gets into a plane crash and misses the '08 season with a dilated brain in today's Dugout, after the jump.
Think your new 50-inch Sony plasma is pretty cool? Bitch, that thing looks like an iPod compared to what the Orioles are planning for Camden Yards. When the park opens up for the 2008 season, fans will have a 24-by-74 foot Mitsubishi widescreen to catch the replays on -- and it only set ownership back a mere 5.2 million bucks.
"We're pleased to offer fans a video experience that will be unsurpassed by any other ballpark in America," Maryland Stadium Authority chairman Frederick W. Puddester said.
The new video screen and scoreboards will operate on light-emitting diode (LED) technology, creating a much sharper picture than the old JumboTron, which operated much like a traditional television set. The screens will be capable of accepting a high-definition picture, though not all images on them will appear in high definition.
"It has long been our goal to improve this original technology, and we are pleased to be able to provide our fans with a state-of-the-art video system and LED boards that will both enhance the ballpark experience and preserve the traditional aesthetic that is a defining characteristic of Oriole Park," Orioles communication director Greg Bader said in a written statement. "We appreciate the Maryland Stadium Authority's efforts in working with us to accomplish this important goal."
No word yet on the long-term effects of viewing a 24-by-74 projection of Aubrey Huff on a regular basis. But we assume someone's looking into that.
The 1980s gave the Baltimore Orioles their last World Series victory... and also saw them drop one of the more mind-numbingly bad commercials on an unsuspecting public. We can't quite make out the faces to tell which -- if any -- actual members of the Os were involved in this "all singing, all dancing" tribute to the Egg McMuffin (although we think we see Eddie Murray in there). But that's probably just how they want it.
Those who stayed didn't leave disappointed; the Orioles, down by 3 in the ninth, pulled a Lazarus, tying the game before winning it in the tenth, and setting off an AL East-clinching celebration on the field and in the stands at Fenway.
It's the first time the Sox have won the division since 1995, but there's still a small bit of drama to be played out this weekend, as the Sox are neck-in-neck with the Cleveland Indians for the best record in the American League, which would give them home field advantage for the playoffs.
As I type this, they're still tossing beer, quaffing champagne and playing grab-ass with the fans at Fenway Park. But the next couple weeks will show us whether this team can conjure as much post-season magic as the 2004 model.
It was probably safe to figure that the Orioles' 2007 season wasn't going to rank among manager Dave Trembley's most cherished memories. But now the guy's gone and made it official -- once spring training kicks in, he's literally wiping 2007 from the memory banks, prefering to focus on the future rather than dwell on the problems of this year's model.
"I'm letting it go. I'm not talking about 2007 anymore," he said. "I'm not going throw anything in anybody's face and try to rub salt in anybody's wounds. Everybody knows what's happened here, but it's going to be gone."
Of course, in making this proclamation, Trembley was careful to note that he's reserving the right to reneg on this promise, particularly if he ever needs to reference 2007 for inspirational fodder to fire up the troops.
"I'm going to use it to re-enforce a lot of things I think are important, that I'm convinced could be helpful in making it better," he said of his plans for next season. "It will be a motivator for me, because I'm convinced [that] there's a certain way to do things and there's a certain amount of commitment [needed]. I've got one chance to do it, and I'm going to do it."
I don't know about you, but I'm totally looking forward to a full season of Trembley. Next year just can't come soon enough.
One of the more intriguing subplots in the Orioles' clubhouse this year has been the increasingly bipolar Miguel Tejada, who talks like a guy who wants out of town one minute, and a guy running for mayor of Baltimore the next.
The most recent episode came last weekend, when Os manager Dave Trembley informed Tejada that he wanted to use Luis Hernandez at short in the series finale against the Angels. He also offered Tejada the chance to DH, an offer Multiple Miggs politely declined.
When asked before Thursday's game about Hernandez playing shortstop, Tejada said, "At least if they have somebody else, they can trade me somewhere else."
Tejada clarified those comments last night, saying: "I didn't say that I wanted to get traded. I just said that it was good to see the team bring in some new players. It might help the team, make us much better."
One need only look at his near-breakdown after the A's dropped the 2003 ALDS to the Red Sox to realize Tejada's a passionate guy, and that Baltimore's less-than-stellar performance this year is a source of frustration. But one of the questions O's management will surely be asking this offseason is whether or not to grant Miggy his much-requested escape.
Want further proof that the Gods of Baseball are big fans of irony? Today, Carl Crawford was named the Devil Rays' recipient of the Roberto Clemente Award, given to the player "who combines outstanding skills on the baseball field with devoted work in the community." Crawford was recognized for his work in spearheading the renovation of Little League fields across Florida and his support of youth teams in his native Texas.
Within the same 24-hour span, he was also suspended for two games by Major League Baseball in response to what were deemed "inappropriate actions" -- slamming his helmet and getting all up in an umpire's face -- during Monday's game against the Orioles after he as called out on a close play at first, a call replays showed was incorrect.
"What I did was wrong, you should never get into it with an umpire like that or something bad is going to happen, like a suspension," Crawford said. "I can't really say if [the disciplinary action] was bad or not. I just hate that it had to come to that."
He also noted that this suspension represented the first time he'd been disciplined by MLB since a brawl in 2004.
"So I haven't been in trouble for what, four or five years?" Crawford said.
We hear so much about pro athletes screwing up off the field that we tend to lose sight of the ones who are actually trying to leverage their celebrity to make the world just a little bit better.
Case in point: the Orioles' Brian Roberts, who last weekend hosted the second annual Brian's Baseball Bash at the ESPNZone at Baltimore's Inner Harbor. It's his annual fundraiser to benefit the University of Maryland Hospital for Children, and Roberts embraces the opportunity to greet fans, sign autographs, pose for photos and basically give the young fans in attendance the thrill of their lives -- the chance to hang with a professional ballplayer.
Maybe it's the fact that Roberts himself underwent intensive heart surgery when he was just five years old, but the guy's made a career out of giving back.
Roberts doesn't do this just to get on TV or for photo ops. In fact, he'll often show up at the hospital without fanfare and bearing gifts to talk quietly with the kids, something the hospital staff says is truly priceless to a child fighting a tough illness.
"I think Brian has definitely demonstrated something unique -- compassion for kids," said Dr. Steven Czinn, chairman of the department of pediatrics and the pediatrician in charge. "He comes to our hospital on a regular basis, unannounced, simply to meet the children, to spend time with the kids. The real value is that Brian makes the time and comes down, and when he spends time with the kids, being in the hospital is not such a terrible place."
In a season that's shaping up to be one of the O's more forgettable, it's the stuff like this that speaks volumes about the players who make up this team.
When your team's 16 games out of first place in late August, you may think you can get away with such things as skipping out on pre-game stretching. But not on Dave Trembley's watch, buddy.
Before yesterday's game against the Blue Jays, the Os skipper took great exception to seeing some of his players show up late for their mandatory stretch. So, bat in hand, Trembley got his Lou Piniella on, blasting the guilty for their tardiness and reminding them of his three golden rules: Be on time. Be professional. Respect the game.
"There are no exceptions. People will be out on time, and we'll do things right. We've made tremendous strides. I've had tremendous cooperation from the players, but on days like today, where it is a day game after a night game, there may be a tendency just to go out there and say, 'We shot all our bullets in New York. I want to go out there and make sure everybody knew that we didn't. We're coming out here to play today, and we're going to get after it.
"A big part of my job is to make sure guys are prepared to play and focused. It all starts with being on time, doing things right and expecting to win. I'm not trying to be a bad guy here, but commitment needs to happen by everyone and as a team. I won't compromise those things for anybody at any time, and if I have to raise my voice to get people's attention, I have no problem with that."
The tirade seems to have paid dividends: Os starter Steve Trachsel won for the first time since June 8, and J.R. House hit his first major league home run. Today, Baltimore shoots for the rubber game, and you can bet everyone shows up on time for stretchin'.
Loving what you do is half the battle, and clearly, this beer vendor at Oriole Park at Camden Yards is loving the hell out of his job. Either that, or he's so hoped up on cheap suds he's simply stopped giving a damn what people think of him. Regardless, imagine R. Lee Ermy selling brewskis at the ballgame and you'll get a good idea of what's going on here.
It's Official! Kris Benson signs with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"
Think your new 50-inch Sony plasma is pretty cool? Bitch, that thing looks like an iPod compared to what the 
After the 
It was probably safe to figure that the 
One of the more intriguing subplots in the 
Want further proof that the Gods of Baseball are big fans of irony? Today, 
We hear so much about pro athletes screwing up off the field that we tend to lose sight of the ones who are actually trying to leverage their celebrity to make the world just a little bit better.
When your team's 16 games out of first place in late August, you may think you can get away with such things as skipping out on pre-game stretching. But not on 
