FanHouse PennState

Welcome back, USC's national title hopes. Enjoy the pretzels. Try the dip. But don't get too comfortable.

Yes, as the Trojans paraded Penn State's corpse from end to end of the Rose Bowl Thursday night, Pete Carroll's team again entered the national title picture. Not in the BCS system, which will award its title to either Oklahoma or Florida even if the Sooners let Charles Barkley drive the bus to the game and the Gators put Matt Millen in charge of their personnel.

But AP voters are free to vote for any team and with the kind of no apologies beating the Beijing police for might be proud of, Troy roared yet again.

So exactly how many votes should USC's Rose Bowl victory account for?

Think the same number of votes Brett Favre will get for teammate of the year, the number of suits in Al Davis' wardrobe that don't require the adjective "jogging" or the same number of pairs of underwear women have ever hurled at Randy Johnson.

Think zero.

Or something close to it as we probably shouldn't rule anything out yet.

Maybe Florida and Oklahoma will play a game so horribly ugly in the BCS title tilt that if they made a movie of it, it'd have to start Kirsten Dunst and Amy Winehouse with a special guest appearance by Danny DeVito. And maybe Texas will pull a Buckeye of its own against Ohio State. But let's just say if the BCS title game plays out remotely within the realm of expectations, what the Trojans did against Penn State doesn't qualify as a national championship performance.

You beat a Big Ten team in a virtual home game in a BCS bowl. It isn't exactly curing the common cold and, statistically speaking, beating a Big Ten team in a BCS bowl game is exactly as likely as eventually catching a cold.

This is to take nothing away from the men of Troy. The Trojans had an excellent season, were champions of a solid league, became the first back-to-back-to-back Rose Bowl champions (and that there is Tom Emanski rarified air). They had a defense that could stand between John Daly and a Hooters or Pacman Jones and the opportunity to make a fool of himself, and were downright biblical in the way they went about business.

Heck, Joe Paterno called them them one of the best defensive teams he's ever seen and Paterno would know. It says here the man once recruited Moses to play middle linebacker.

But that's the beauty of college football. Its title is awarded for a season accomplishment, not the team that played best in the last game that was nationally televised.

With all due respect to my esteemed colleague here at FanHouse, I have to point out that Ray Holloman missed something in his post on the Penn State victory over Ohio State Saturday night. Not to worry, though, Ray; so far, it appears that a lot of other people have missed it too.

I know, based on seven of the Nittany Lions' first eight games, you all were expecting JoePa's harriers to drop 45 points and 500 yards of offense on the Buckeyes. Since I predicted a 34-31 Penn State victory, I was a little shocked too at how low the score was. (I hedged my bets in the middle of the afternoon, of course.) It turned out much more like both teams' Purdue games, in which Penn State only scored 20 and Ohio State only put up 16.

How did it turn out that way, though? After last week's Terrelle Pryor explosion in East Lansing and, well, Penn State's season, where were the offenses in this game? I mean, if a football game ends up with a 13-6 score and neither team putting up 300 yards of offense, they must be two mediocre teams, right? Don't good teams save their best performances for their best opponents?

They got their bachelor's degree from Florida and their master's from LSU, but Saturday night Southern California handed Ohio State a brand-new degree: the Doctor of Failosophy. Yeesh. What a curbstomping. If you really need me to tell you what to do with the Buckeyes now, I'll be happy to do so, as long as you tell me something first: Who turned the computer on for you?

Don't just sell, pards; eject. There are at least two teams in the Big Ten playing better football than the Buckeyes right now.

I saw a distant early warning last Saturday, and it's wasn't the Ohio-OSU game. It was the fact that South Dakota State beat Youngstown State almost as badly as the Buckeyes did. Sure, Jim Tressel rested his starters when the game was in hand and probably didn't want to show up his former employer too badly. Even if Tressel had rested his starters for the whole game, they ought to be able to out-perform a squad that was playing Division II ball four years ago. You've got problems on offense, Coach, and they're not all in Beanie Wells's shoes.

So where does the savvy investor in the non-existent football futures market go now?

A chagrined Black Shoe Diaries reports on what's possibly the second worst idea in the recent history of the Penn State football program*:

The Blue-White Rapper Show is a contest for Penn State Students to showcase their rap talents as well as their love of Penn State football. The winning original rap song will be performed at halftime of the first home football game on September 1, 2007. The original rap song must be done by a solo artist (no groups) and be under one minute in length. The central theme for the rap should be Penn State Football.

Folks, I was just in Happy Valley this fall, and I'm telling you to mentally remove the "blue" from the first sentence. This promises to be more awkward then that one time you walked into a karaoke night just as three frat boys started in on "Drop It Like It's Hot" without realizing how often they'd have to mumble awkwardly when the system prompted them to say "n****". Any Fanhouse aficionados who attend this monstrosity are begged to tape and upload it so the "winner" can receive the thorough internet battering he/she richly deserves.

*(#1: burning Anthony Morelli's redshirt so he could be the third string quarterback and throw a couple Hail Marys a few years ago)

This video is kind of long and watching a drunk guy fail to remember what Jordan Norwood's name is even though he is apparently both the world's biggest Penn State/Notre Dame fan (amazing he didn't commit suicide somewhere around '01) is not particularly enthralling. But for God's sake, trust me: you want to get about halfway through, when Guy Who Can't Remember Norwood's Name Guy watches Mario Manningham's last second touchdown to win the '05 Penn State-Michigan game (warning: this guy swears a lot. A lot a lot. Definitely NSFW):



Alcohol + seven straight losses (at the time) == crazy delicious.

Let's try a little exercise for a moment here. Close your eyes and think of a 'crooked' college football program. What comes to mind? USC? Florida State? Ohio State? Alright now close your eyes and think of a 'clean' college football program. Now what comes to mind? Penn State probably tops that list what with Joe Paterno and all the talk of doing things the right way, right?

But is there really a significant ethical difference between many of these schools?

Let's take a closer look at Penn State for a moment. They've spent the greater part of four decades cultivating an image as college football's white picket fence and apple pie team. They are led by the amiable, cuddly and grandfatherly Joe Paterno, among the most respected coaches in the game's history. They wear simple blue and white uniforms without names on the backs. They play in gritty central Pennsylvania and graduate their players.

But beneath that veneer is just enough to make you wonder.

The big recruiting hoopla this week was over USC's alleged recruiting violation in pursuit of Joe McKnight. USC coach Pete Carroll allegedly had McKnight directly or indirectly speak with Reggie Bush, a no-no per NCAA rules as Bush and all former players are considered boosters.

Well guess what, Penn State is perhaps just as guilty of a similar violation. When the Nittany Lions hosted tailback Broderick Green a few weekends ago, he met at least two former Nittany Lion players: Larry Johnson Jr. and Tamba Hali.

Broderick Green took an official visit to Penn State two weeks ago and came back very excited about his time in Happy Valley. He got to speak with Larry Johnson Jr. and Tamba Hali as the two were in town for the weekend.

"He called me from Penn State and he was so excited," [Green's Mother Wilma] Mrs. Murdock told BWI. "When he wasn't calling me, I was calling him. He loved the place and fell in love with the players."

Exsqueeze me? Whistle blowing time here. Based on what we've learned from the Joe McKnight situation this sounds like a similar recruiting violation. Last I checked Hali and Johnson are big name former Nittany Lions who are clearly classified as Boosters in NCAA rulespeak.

Noticeably absent is the requisite media firestorm about this apparent violation.

Update: Several commenters add that for various technicalities this is in fact not a violation. Apparently booster contact is illegal, except when it isn't illegal. Iike I wrote yesterday, welcome to the hell that is NCAA bylaws.

Jay Paterno is Penn State's version of Jeff Bowden: the malignant tumor clinging to his iconic coach father's pant leg and turning any quarterback he comes across into a puddle of confused goo. Except JayPa hasn't been kicked to the curb by an irate fanbase yet.

That doesn't mean he's beloved. No one likes him save for Big Ten defensive coordinators. Witness Black Shoe Diaries responding to this article in which JayPa defends himself from his critics, who are legion:

''I don't worry about any of that stuff,'' said Paterno, the featured speaker at Sunday's Tyrone Golden Eagle Monogram Club induction ceremony. ''I have a lot of faith in what we do and the guys we coach, and I know I'm doing a heck of a job.''

Penn State's junior quarterback Anthony Morelli, a heavily hyped recruit, finished the year 92nd in passing efficiency.

''I have never had a problem with my own confidence,'' he said. ''I know I'm smart enough, I know I know what I'm doing.''

JayPa started coaching PSU's quarterbacks in 1999. No data is available at the NCAA website for his first year, but the seven subsequent have seen PSU rack up the following pass efficiency ratings:

• 2006: 92nd
• 2005: 53rd
• 2004: 111th
• 2003: 100th
• 2002: 45th
• 2001: 83rd
• 2000: 74th

I know what JayPa's doing, too: screwing up Penn State's quarterbacks.

In the coming weeks, I plan to start talking about what the Chiefs will likely do this offseason to help themselves at each position. This first blog will reference the easiest positions for the Chiefs to resolve.

Punter:
No mystery here. Dustin Colquitt stays.

Tight End / Fullback:
The Chiefs already took care of business by signing Tony Gonzalez to a long-term deal. They will also return a healthy Ronnie Cruz to the roster, but there's no guarantee that he'll start. Ronnie Cruz turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He was only an adequate blocker and very average on all other dimensions.

So what now? What the Chiefs do at the fullback position will ultimately determine what they will do at tight end. As of now, Kris Wilson is serving as the starting fullback. He is not a true blocker, but he proved to be a solid receiving option when he was switched into the role of H-back. The question is, are the Chiefs willing to continually sacrifice terrific blocking for a threat like Kris Wilson to serve as an H-back? I think they will. I think Wilson will only get better as a blocker, and he should figure better into a simplified gameplan. Then again, it would not surprised me if the Chiefs used a late round pick on a fullback prospect.

The Chiefs might also want to start looking for a run blocking tight end specialist. Jason Dunn is getting older and more beat up every year.

We at the Fanhouse think that anyone making fun of Joe Paterno's incredible oldness and making jokes about how he sucks the life from his quarterbacks to extend his centuries-old reign over the Penn State football program is an insensitive hack. We also have come to grips with the fact that we are insensitive hacks.

So! Joe Paterno, thanks to the machinations of former player Franco Harris, now has a line of Super Donuts and Super Buns and we await the (surely inevitable) rollout of flavors like:

• Innocent Puppy Soul
• Brains! Brains! Brains!
• Chocolate.

ESPN titles the AP story "JoePa's likeness to appear on doughnut, buns boxes," weirdly implying that they're embossing JoePa's craggy visage on the frosting of every doughnut, and why not?
(Via Maize 'n' Brew)