FanHouse Philadelphia

It's Official! Kris Benson signs with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"

With the migration of Anna Benson comes the next chapter in a Dugout story that began in the long long ago before the darkness came about how Anna would sleep with everyone on the team including the mascot if she ever caught her husband cheating. The only way this could get better for us is if she got traded to the Red Sox and got to deflower Wally the Green Monster. She would have to go into the police force and get choked by Dmitri Young to be more Dugout ready.

Anna Benson wears a jersey around her cleavage like we'd never expect and Kris Benson gets into a plane crash and misses the '08 season with a dilated brain in today's Dugout, after the jump.

Every day from Monday to Saturday, The Ice Sheet will take a look at the biggest stories in the league that happened on the ice and elsewhere the night before.

Yes, it was the final game of a road trip that saw them swing through Western Canada and then to the opposite side of the Keystone State. No, they did not have Marc-Andre Fleury between the pipes, shielding his sterling 2.90 GAA and .902 save percentage from the carnage. But let's toss whatever limited and rather inconsequential excuses aside like they were Mark Recchi bobble-heads, and acknowledge the truth: The Philadelphia Flyers beat the snot, the stuffing and the hell out of the Pittsburgh Penguins last night.

The 8-2 loss on national television -- OK, on VERSUS -- saw a hat trick for Joffrey Lupul, whose six-point night was the first for the Flyers since Eric Lindros posted a six pack in one of his rare non-concussion games back in 1997. R.J. Umberger completed a second Philly hat trick late in the third period, marking the first time since Tim Kerr and Dave Poulin in 1986 that a pair of Flyers drained the crowd of its headgear.

But perhaps the most shocking development in last night's game: The Philadelphia Flyers were on the ice, yet it was Pittsburgh coach Michel Therrien and his players that came off as the most undisciplined, thuggish team in the NHL last night.

(Coming Up Next: Last Night's Losers, Scandalous and Hilarious Puck Headlines, Life as a New York Rangers Fan, Games You Need To Watch Tonight, A Handy Guide To Fake Trades and a "Special" Christmas Carol For the Hartford Whalers.)

Randy Jones of the Flyers said he called Patrice Bergeron a few days after ramming the Boston forward head-first into the glass on Oct. 27 -- a hit from behind that earned Jones a controversial two-game suspension and Bergeron a potentially season-ending case of post-concussion syndrome. Jones left a conscience-stricken message on Bergeron's cell phone; he never heard back.

The expectation has been that Bergeron's response would be delivered by his teammates this evening at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, during the first meeting between Boston and the Flyers since the incident. Jones told reporters that he "knew the time would come," that he isn't worried about retribution and that he's ready to let this all slip into the NHL's storied history of "When Good Guys Go Goon":

"They can look at it their way and I respect that and understand that," Jones said. "I'm not going to sit here and keep dwelling on the situation. It was a month ago and I'm getting over it and I'm back playing worrying about my team and helping our team win."

But will the Bruins let him off without a slap on the wrist, the chin and the back of the head?

If Eric Lindros is enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame, my preference for his etched glass plaque would be an image of his frozen face under a twisted helmet, resting on the slowly melting ice in Philadelphia during Game 7 of the 2000 Eastern Conference Finals. Somewhere in the corner would be a smaller etching of Scott Stevens, shaking the freight-train impact from his shoulder.

The above is written as a Devils fan who is unable, even as Lindros formally announced the end of his career, to shake the vision of No. 88 as a fragile Messiah; always one championship away from being declared a hockey deity, always one head-shot away from admission to the infirmary. The above is also written as a prime example of the crux in Lindros's Hall of Fame debate: The inability of hockey pundits and fans to separate reputation, hype and personal behavior from the case that can be made for his Hall of Fame credentials.

I think that debate was captured nicely this morning by Jes Golbez in The Ice Sheet, where he lamented Lindros as being "content to sit back and have his parents whine about his ice time" while at the same time praising Eric as "a player who could do everything well and force opponents to change their strategy just to deal with the guy." Jes believes Lindros's place in NHL history "will cause many bar and kitchen table debates for years." Actually, it hasn't taken years: The Lindros Debate has intensely raged in the MSM and the blogosphere in the hours following news of his pending retirement.

By the end of the day, we may know how the NHL decides to punish Philadelphia's Jesse Boulerice for having Canucks forward Ryan Kesler taste-test his stick without asking first. The predictions, naturally, are pouring in. FanHouse's Jes Golbez asks you for yours, and opines that Boulerice should be out until 2008. ESPN's EJ Hradek thinks he should receive the Downie Minimum of 20 games. William Houston of the Globe & Mail actually believes it should be a 40-gamer -- not likely, unless Boulerice was also running his own gambling ring on the side. Even Kesler appointed himself junior commissioner of the NHL for a few moments and called for a suspension of "a serious amount of games," while teammate Matt Cooke set the suspension at 25.

Suspending Boulerice is the easy part; unless the NHL seriously minimizes the incident with a paltry punishment, anywhere between 20-30 games will be seen as "getting it right." The harder part is taking the next step and punishing those who have also contributed to yet another black-eye for hockey's ever-tarnishing image. That's why it's time to...

Koy Detmer has been a quarterback with the Eagles longer than any in franchise history besides Randall Cunningham and Ron Jaworski. Unfortunately, he is likely best known for his wacky cowboy celebration, his horrible ride, lack of a wardrobe, and his ability to hold David Akers balls. None of these qualities have much to do with his ability to play the quarterback position with any sort of skill.

For the first time in years, Koy is getting challenged for his roster spot. Timmy Chang, who became the NCAA record holder for career passing yards by passing Koy's older brother, showed some skill in the Eagles most recent preseason game making the decision by Andy Reid a little bit tougher.

I'm sure we can all agree that Koy Detmer is probably a great guy off the field but his skills at the quarterback position are severely lacking at the NFL level. The Detmer/Chang battle will give you one thing to watch in Friday nights game against the Steelers.

I think my mom summed it up best when she said, "I hope Koy makes the team, he makes a great cheerleader."

>>Chang makes it true duel for third QB spot [PhillyBurbs]