FanHouse Pierrepants

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Manny Ramirez is in the news again for saying... well, I don't know. I haven't had a chance to make the news rounds yet, but I'm going to bet Manny spoke to reporters long enough to tell them that Jamie Hoffman or whoever has severe mental retardation and is therefore "not really a person," and how Manny should be starting in his place, suspension or no. Then two days later Manny apologizes, and we forgive him, because he is really, really good at baseball.

I find it a lot easier to forgive Manny Ramirez on the internet, where his sociological problems can be explained away as childlike innocence. Other things I enjoy doing on the Internet: making grown up millionaires talk like messed up babies, and posting today's Dugout, which is after the jump.

Hey, I just got online for the first time in a week. Were you aware that some things happened in baseball this week? Apparently, slugger Manny Ramirez was trying to get pregnant (or something), and now he's going to miss fifty games because of it! I should really check my Fantasy Team more often.

Daily Dugout updates begin again today. Sorry for any inconvenience. I'm also sorry for whatever inconveniences you run into reading tonight's Dugout, after the jump.

Yesterday, Fire Joe Morgan announced that it is officially coming to an end. For over three years, the blog tirelessly gave the business to mainstream sports journalism as no one else could. Their sonning of guys in suits was hilarious and legendary, but just as impressive was the collection of running gags -- the tangential digressions into the office politics of the fictional Fremulon Insurance, the perpetual fascination with food metaphors and meaningless buzzwords, the detours into outrageous hyperbole. It really was one of the great treasures of the world of sports blogging. Since they're keeping the archives online, it still is, and I suggest you start with a personal favorite of mine.

This news, though, isn't universally sad. Grinders! Scrappers! Hard-nosed hardscrabblers! Rejoice! Today's Dugout is after the jump.

It's been a roller coaster ride this season for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and their real-life equivalents in the Dugout Chatroom have felt it. They were accused of being yokels from the past, they acquired and perverted one of the most popular players in the game, and they discussed at length Andre Ethier's "tINCFoUTaCU".

Tonight is the last Dugout of the Dodgers' 2008 campaign. It's like those episodes of Buffy that didn't really involve a monster and were just there to move along the season-long arc. Not dorky enough for you? It's like the Cowboy Bebop episodes without Vicious.

I guess it was dorky enough before. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Nick's Dugout about Andruw Jones, written weeks ago, served as a premonition (sorta) of his trade to the Dodgers. I'm a Braves fan, and my reaction to this kind of surprises me. I remember watching his first at-bat as a kid, his countless spectacular catches, the time he tripped over first base after hitting his 300th home run. And yet, I'm not all that sad to see him go. He possesses unbelievable talent, but he could have been (and still could be) so much better. I'm reminded of Ken Griffey, Jr., in that while Griffey has endured injuries, Jones has suffered from a poor work ethic, and both will leave "what-if" questions to be asked by the time they retire.

Having acquired Jones, the Dodgers now have to choose whether to stick Juan Pierre somewhere else, bench him, or trade him. Despite never having played for a team I particularly like, he's one of my favorite players in baseball. Television announcers love to share anecdotes of him going to the center-field fence hours before a game and throwing a few baseballs at it to test the carom. Any real baseball fan has to respect that, and it's always enough for me to turn and watch the game whenever he comes to the plate.

Tonight's Dugout, after the jump, hopes Pierre doesn't up and get his feelings all hurt over the whole mess.