FanHouse Ponson1LegAtATime

So far, The Dugout has established three relatively static "straight man" characters on the Royals: pitchers Zack Greinke, Brian Bannister, and Joakim Soria. This season, of course, they're joined by perennial Dugout man-children Kyle Farnsworth and Sidney Ponson. So we can say that the Royals have a Full House, Aces full of Jokers, and shovel this terrible poker-centric joke on top of the massive pile of poker-centric jokes that the Royals have had to suffer over the years.

Today's Dugout is after the flop.

As longtime readers of The Dugout are aware, the Royals are one of our pet franchises. We tend to ignore teams like the Astros, mostly because we're too busy writing story arcs about an obscure Royals utility infielder possessing superhuman abilities, or the Royals' owner assuming the role of a contemporary Satan, or the Royals' manager living out of a grocery cart.

Kyle Farnsworth's acquisition certainly does not help with this. Neither does Sidney Ponson's. By the way, I'd like to point out that in the Dugout universe, the Royals captured acquired Ponson months before it happened in real life. Another example of life imitating Dugout. Sidney Ponson is horrible. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

What's great is that that guy on the right can reuse his sign if it doesn't snow in Philadelphia until January. Why did he draw snowflakes in the corners? Did he need to fill the negative space that badly? Maybe this is his 756th sign and there was a problem.

In case you did not read part 1 and are unable to scroll your browser down slightly, tonight's Dugout is a two-parter that seeks to celebrate the accomplishment that is winning a World Series and condemn any team that did not win said Series as a "bad team." Maybe it's the Cleveland sports fan in me. If you made it to the World Series and won 1 game your season has ended in SHAME and MISERY for all who support you! Sign Mark Teixeira and call me when it's next September!

Wait, what am I typing again? Part 2 actually contains an undercurrent of "yay Phillies" while maintaining that "uh oh, everyone else" thing I've been bred to feel. Part 2 of 2 is after the jump.

When the Rangers released northpaw manimal Sidney Ponson a couple of weeks ago, I rightly predicted that he would he would be captured and employed by another team within a month's time. I wrongly predicted the team, but the fact remains: we have not seen the last of this feral lump; this undomesticated Grendel.

In this morning's Dugout, Ponson becomes acquainted with his new Yankee teammates.

Sidney Ponson is horrible.

Professional fat man Sidney Ponson somehow possesses a 4-1 record with a 3.88 ERA this season. So why did the Rangers, a team so desperate for pitching that it signed him in the first place, let him loose?

The team is citing chemistry issues. As Mr. Lackey pointed out, it was easy to see this coming, but it's just as easy for me to predict that he'll be on another major-league roster within a month.

Sidney Ponson is horrible.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

I just checked www.isitchristmas.com, and it's official: Christmas is over. Your 24-hour respite from what passes for a life these days is spent, and suddenly you find yourself right back in the existence you hate so much. 364 parts empty drudgery and malaise, 1 part happiness. An easy recipe that's tough to swallow. Don't fear your sadness. Embrace it.

To help wean yourself off that dangerously addictive "happiness," we present to you Part Three of our Dugout Christmas. We hope you enjoy it, and wish a belated "happy holidays" to you all.