FanHouse PujolJunkie

The State Farm Home Run Derby is tonight, and hometown favorite Albert Pujols looks to be the front runner for longball glory. But don't forget about dark horse candidates like Detroit Tigers slugger Brandon Inge, who has hit 21 dingers already this season and has played every position including "coach." Personally, I think Inge could sneak in and ... wait, the Home Run Derby happened last night? What happened, who won? Did... oh.

This afternoon's Dugout is after the jump. Ughhh, look at that guy.

Now that the other giant picture of Albert Pujols has fallen back several pages, it is safe for me to repost this classic photo depicting Albert appropriating both the George Gervin finger roll and Michael Jordan tongue wag. Is there anything this man can't do? No, there isn't. I mean, unless "having an acurate birth certificate" is a thing.

Last year's Spring Training Dugout for the Cardinals caused a bit of controversy when I chose to be preachy and somewhat dated instead of doing what I usually do, which is "read comic books, then write off the top of my head." I assure you, the problem has been remedied.

Today's Spring Dugz Dugout is after the jump.

Nothing's ever gonna keep you down.

The story of 9-year old Jericho Scott being banned from his Connecticut little league for being better than the other kids makes me mad about a number of things I can articulate (adults who are supposed to be an example to kids packing up and going home because they're losing, talent being treated as a liability, children being lorded over by crybabies) and a number of things I cannot (graaaaaah).

Hopefully the story of Jericho (no, not that one) will keep spreading until the idiots who did this will truly be held accountable, someone else will be put in charge of the organization, and Scott will be able to pitch as much as he wants wherever he wants.

Seriously, what is [fornicating] wrong with you? Tonight's late-night Dugout is after the jump. For extra fun, click on the picture of that kid who is terrible at baseball (or here) for an off-site article about my childhood baseball experiences.

Special note for Fanhouse regulars: Today's Dugout is taken from a story that happened a few days ago, so if you're the type who can only process immediately new information please direct your attention to whatever shows up above this posting.

Now! Earlier this week we learned an important lesson: If Albert Pujols hits a line drive into the middle of your face and it not only doesn't kill you, but you can wake up the next morning without any mental retardation, you are immortal. Chris Young should throw himself off the side of a building to see if it stuck, and if it did, he should use his newfound powers to fight crime in the old city. Oh, and as a secondary note, if you SEE Pujols hit a line drive that hits somebody in the middle of the face, don't stand in front of him when he's trying to run. It's not going to end well for you. Just move out of the way. You might get the business from your teammates or booed by the fans, but at least you'll be able to move around for the next eight weeks.

After the jump, old news and its new lessons.

The Phillies! We can't forget the Phillies!

(wait, did we do the Phillies?)

Spring Dugz continues at an awkward pace, after the jump.

Watching Alex Rodriguez on 60 Minutes didn't convince me of his innocence and it didn't convince me that he's worth thirty million dollars, but it did convince me of one thing: Alex Rodriguez watches ESPN.

If you switched around a few nouns, his response to any and every question could've been the response of a basketball player in the lockerroom being asked why he lost the game. It could've been the response of any professional football coach who has ever talked about anything. "I like to play the sport I play. I remain focused on playing the sport I play. Go out there every day. Make people happy. I would never (list of things done)." It was two seconds away from being one of those Michael Jordan post-game wrap-ups where he's looking down at reporters and you get that forehead glare while he talks about "going out there and playing the game." It was three seconds away from being a presidential debate.

I just wanted him to look directly into the camera and say, "Jason Giambi shoots me up with steroids all the time and he makes me super great at playing baseball." The first person who does that (with or without namedropping Giambi) breaks the spectrum and becomes my hero.

Another G-D Alex Rodriguez Dugout, after the jump.

The Dugout is a feature at FanHouse that brings the lives of Major League Baseball players directly to you...sort of. The official chatroom of the MLB keeps you up to date with all the recent happenings of your favorite players both on the field and off.

Through the first five years of his major league career, Albert Pujols had almost served as the epitome of statistical "neatness." This is useful if, like me, you like to project what sort of statistics he'll finish his career with. He was born in January of the first year of his decade, which always makes it easy to calculate when he'll turn 30, 40, etc. He never played in fewer than 154 games each season, which absolved us from having to make any "what-if" injury projections. And he put up spectacular numbers each season, which gave us a reason to make projections in the first place.

Last year, though, injury held him to 143 games, and he probably won't play more than 148 this year. The rock of consistency that was Albert Pujols is starting to tumble down the mountain. This is clearly a sign that his career, for all intents and purpose, will never be what it was. I'm reminded of the plight suffered by Ken Griffey, Jr., who has some words for Mr. Pujols after the jump.