As happens on the last Saturday in April every year, I spent the day on my couch watching Roger Goodell and Ray Anderson read names off a card. The NFL Draft is the biggest event of the football offseason, even though it involves a bunch of guys in suits sitting around a set telling us about players who won't see the field for another four months.
The spectacle has gotten so big it gets wall-to-wall coverage on two networks. I'm partial to the NFL Network over ESPN because I have a crush on Mike Mayock, and because I couldn't stand the awkwardness of a Mel Kiper-Todd McShay slap fight.
So the NFL has robbed us of the usual late-season slate of Saturday afternoon games, but what they've given us in return is much, much better. Okay, not really -- for starters, as it currently stands, about 250 people get NFL Network, which means that a lot of you will be shut out of tonight's Ravens-Cowboys game.
Not only that, but most people who don't blog for a living have stuff to do on Saturday night. I suspect Roger Goodell doesn't care about such things.
Wow. Warren Sapp is so fat that the fat house fun mirror makes him look skinny. Which, I think, means that Shaun Rogers and Casey Hampton would look like Rob and Fab. I'd pay to see that.
By the way, I'd love to see the CBS folks "accidentally" use the fat lens on broadcasting's moral beacon, Jim Nantz. I'm guessing he'd find it hilarious in much the same way Joe Buck loved Randy Moss' decision to pretend moon Packers' fans.
By all accounts, Rich Eisen seems like a nice enough guy. He does a great job on NFL Network, as he did at ESPN, and never really ruffles any feathers. I guess the same can't be said about his wife and former ABC sportscaster Suzy Shuster, who writes a little for The Huffington Post.
Shuster decided on Friday that the Sarah Palin act had gone too far, only it wasn't the "I'm a good ol' fashioned mom" act that led Tina Fey to revive her Saturday Night Live career, no, the act Schuster takes offense to is the supposed "quit flaunting your five-month old baby Trig" act that only Shuster seems to take offense to. Trig, as you probably know, is Palin's youngest child, who was also diagnosed with Down Syndrome.
It actually came after the debate, when for seemingly the millionth time, Sarah Palin trotted out her piece de resistance, her favorite prop of this campaign season: her five and a half month old son Trig.
Why is this child up so late every time there is a camera op? Why isn't this baby sleeping in a crib or bassinet somewhere with a sleep sheep or some other sound apparatus lulling him into night-night? Is it just me or does it seem like she carts this poor child around like a living breathing example of how wonderful a mom she is? After all, she's more than adopted the "I'm just a mom, just like you moms out there, America" attitude.
It's a sad day, well, somewhere; the 49ers have terminated Trent Dilfer's contract. Dilfer was the Buccaneers first-round pick in 1994 and although he never became a franchise quarterback during his 15-year career, he did win a Super Bowl with the Ravens in 2000, made the "game manager" label relatively respectable, and proved that he wasn't the most overrated first-rounder to come out of Fresno State.
And although he'd probably have no trouble catching on with another team to serve as backup/mentor to some young signal caller, Dilfer could have other plans for next season: broadcast journalism.
He was in booth with NFL Network's Rich Eisen and Mike Mayock and the Senior Bowl and did a pretty good job. Of course, if he really wants to make it in the business, he'll have to take a page from the Jamie Dukes playbook: YELLING AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE MAKES WHATEVER YOU SAY, NO MATTER HOW INANE, SEEM RELEVANT.
"Trent Dilfer is a true professional in every meaning of the word," coach Mike Nolan said in a statement. "Trent has provided great value to our team over the past two years in terms of his leadership, knowledge of the game and play on the field."
Not so much value, leadership and knowledge of the game that he's worth keeping around, though. Particularly when the 49ers now have J.T. O'Sullivan on the roster, a potential NFL starter.*
Rich Eisen has solid credentials as a journalist, but when he decided to leave ESPN and join forces with NFL Network, he must have been concerned that he would be seen as less a reporter than a PR man.
In a compelling interview with King Kaufman of Salon, Eisen explains that when he took the job, he did so with assurances from his bosses that he would be allowed to cover the NFL the way he saw fit, as long as he wasn't talking about point spreads. Eisen tells Kaufman:
The only time the NFL has said to me, "You can't say this" was before we went on the air, and they said, "There will be no discussion of gambling. There will be no lines, overs, unders." And I'm fine with that. If there's anybody who requires their football news to be filtered through that prism, there's many different outlets to seek, and then they can come back to us.
I'm totally cool with that. I mean, we talked all summer long about dogfighting, and that was after Pacman Jones, where I learned what "making it rain" means. I had no idea. We talked about that, we talk about coaches on hot seats, owners that make bad decisions. We have the head of NFL refs on every week for what I think is the most compelling segment we put on "Total Access." The head of NFL refs comes and talks about controversial calls. And to the credit of the NFL, that's the way it's been from the get-go.
I like Eisen's approach, and I think he and NFL Network's main information man, Adam Schefter, always give an even-handed look at the league. If the only restriction placed on Eisen is that he can't talk gambling, he's got more independence than a lot of broadcasters who don't work for sports leagues.
If you want the traditional sorta newsy game recap, check out the AP account or the one from the Houston Chronicle. Here's some football observations about the game and some silly gossipy stuff.
Keys to the Outcome:
Home Field Advantage: Both the Texans and the Broncos have young players at key positions. As is typical for those sorts of teams, they play much better at home than on the road. The Broncos are now 2-6 on the road, and the Texans are 5-2 at home (including 4-0 at home when wide receiver Andre Johnson is playing).
Yesterday is what the Texans call "Battle Red Day" when they wear their alternative jerseys, and encourage their fans to wear red. The Texans are now 5-2 all time when it's B.R.D. Because of the very vertical design of Reliant Stadium due to the retractable roof, it can get very loud because the fans are near the field, and the stadium traps noise. My seats are close to the field, and last night it was so loud my ears are still ringing.
In this mornings' The Debriefing, FanHouse's mjd said that the uniforms look like stunning red pajamas. Personally I like to think of them like the Kool-Aid Man. You know, he's friendly yet able to bust through your living room wall with ferocious intensity.
The best thing about NFL Network is that its on-air talent doesn't feel the need to toe the NFL company line. Rich Eisen, in particular, doesn't let the fact that he's working for the league's own network prevent him from cracking jokes at the expense of the league, its coaches or its players.
For example, while narrating the highlights of Sunday's Patriots-Steelers game, Eisen said this when Ben Roethlisberger hit Najeh Davenport with a touchdown pass: "And he plops one in to Najeh Davenport in the end zone." (Eisen's comment comes about 1:45 into the video at NFL.com.)
That was, of course, a reference to the fact that Davenport once broke into a woman's home and defecated in her hamper. Is it highbrow? No. Is it funny? Yes. Kudos to you, Rich Eisen.
Yesterday we noted that NFL Network's Rich Eisen was on the receiving end of some photos from a female TV reporter, that the photos featured the reporter in a bikini, and that Eisen's wife saw the e-mails and sent the reporter a reply.
Today we note that the reporter in question, Alycia Lane, insists that there's nothing untoward going on. Lane sent a statement to TMZ saying that she and Eisen have been "purely platonic" friends "for almost 10 years," that they "regularly exchange e-mail and photos" and that these were "harmless pictures."
It's awesome that Rich Eisen can seamlessly go from the middle of a fight between Adam Schefter and Mike Mayock about the importance of Randy Moss being traded to the middle of a fight between two women who may or may not be rivals for his affection. You the man, Rich.
After the draft I noted what a fine job NFL Network's Rich Eisen did as the studio host. Well, it turns out Eisen's personal life isn't going quite as smoothly. The New York Post reports:
Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane is in hot water after a series of private e-mails and saucy snapshots she sent to handsome NFL Network anchorman Rich Eisen were intercepted by his wife. Suzy Shuster, a sideline reporter for ABC's college football broadcasts, hit the roof when she discovered seven e-mails and several bikini photos sent by Lane - who works for CBS affiliate WKYW-TV and is recently divorced - to an account she and her husband, Eisen, share.
Just to make sure we're clear: NFL Network's Rich Eisen is married to ABC's Suzy Shuster. And according to the Post, a local reporter named Alycia Lane sent shots of herself in a bikini to Eisen, not realizing Shuster would see them, too. There's no allegation here that Eisen was soliciting these pictures, so he's in the clear as far as that goes. And Shuster seems to be in good humor about it, providing this e-mail response to Lane:
"Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you're doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it's working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I'll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it?"
I'm guessing we won't hear Eisen make any comments about Lane's "measureables."
By all accounts, 
It's a sad day, well, somewhere; the 49ers have terminated 
Rich Eisen has solid credentials as a journalist, but when he decided to leave ESPN and join forces with NFL Network, he must have been concerned that he would be seen as less a reporter than a PR man. 
Yesterday we noted that NFL Network's Rich Eisen was on the receiving end of some 
