FanHouse Roger Goodell

If the television thing doesn't work out for Cris Carter, he's got a future in motivational speaking. Carter was the final speaker at this week's NFL Rookie Symposium, and his message was what you might expect -- don't do drugs, don't fall for groupies, don't start a dog-fighting enterprise, so on and so forth -- but his delivery was what made it memorable.

It was part overdramatized reality teevee, part televangelist. No mention of living in a van down by the river, however. Either way, I think he got through to almost everybody.

NEW YORK – Sycophants have Plaxico Burress' back, no matter where he turns. It's as if he has transported a gang of 300-pound offensive linemen, stuffed them in power suits, swapped their playbooks for legal briefs and mesmerized them with his shiny Super Bowl ring.

That some of these wannabe teammates draw paychecks from the Manhattan District Attorney's office is hardly surprising. Burress was, after all, on the receiving end of one of the greatest touchdowns in New York Giants' history. His fans are omnipotent, to the point where there have been serious internal disagreements within the DA's office over how to handle the criminal charges pending against the wide receiver, prompting NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to explore punishing Burress even while the case against him meanders along.

Donte' Stallworth, in terms of how he will be treated by the American justice system, has moved past his crimes. He settled his DUI manslaughter case with the Reyes family -- and news that leaked out late last night might provide a pretty good reason as to why he settled so quickly.

Turns out that Stallworth, in addition to having imbibed in some alcohol before hitting Reyes with his car, also allegedly had marijuana in his system.

Donte' Stallworth has his life -- something that can't be said about Mario Reyes, the man he accidentally hit and killed with his car in March -- but it barely resembles the one he once knew just a few months ago.

Even though Stallworth only received 30 days in jail (followed by a year of house arrest and eight years probation, not to mention a financial settlement with Reyes' family), he was suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Worse: ha has to live with the burden of killing a man with a family as he came home from work.

The case is closed and Stallworth's fate has been determined, but yesterday the 911 call was released to the public, shedding light on how events unfolded as they happened. Via NBC Miami:

While there is speculation of Michael Vick eventually becoming a Dolphin, Yahoo! Sports' Jason Cole has a pretty firm story that says Vick won't be playing in the NFL anytime soon. Cole also says that wide receiver Plaxico Burress is facing an indefinite suspension as well, which would put a giant bucket of cold water on any hopes he has of landing a solid free agent deal.

Cole cites three sources with knowledge of the situation. According to them, commissioner Roger Goodell will continue to throw his weight around when it comes to suspensions. He's already slapped wide receiver Donte Stallworth with an indefinite suspension after Stallworth pled guilty to DUI manslaughter. One of Cole's sources says its likely that Vick will be suspended for the entire 2009 season as well, which would mean he would be out of football for three seasons, making any return even tougher in 2010.

It's impossible to find an NFL head coach or general manager who is willing to say that he wants to sign Michael Vick, but former NFL coach Dennis Green, now coaching for the start-up UFL, thinks he knows where Vick will end up.

As he sees it, Bill Parcells wants Vick, and if Parcells wants something, he's going to get it. So he thinks Vick will end up as a Dolphin.

"I have a hard time believing that Michael Vick is not going to wind up with Bill Parcells, simply because he has that creativeness that says that no matter what it takes, he's going to find a way to get Michael Vick," Green told Sirius NFL Radio. "Now, whether it means convincing the commissioner or whatever it takes, Michael Vick is probably going to wind up at Miami because of the fact that Bill Parcells is Bill Parcells."

There's a lot of information about Plaxico Burress rumbling around Twitter this evening. As is so often the case in Twitterville, there are some shades of gray regarding how much of it is true and/or meaningful.

What is true is that commissioner Roger Goodell has initiated a review of Burress' self-shooting incident under the NFL's personal conduct policy. This information came courtesy of the Twitter account of Brian McCarthy (NFLprguy) at the league office, and it came about 35 minutes or so after Burress' agent, Drew Rosenhaus (RosenhausSports), tweeted that "There are now 5 teams interested in Plaxico. I expect more teams to enter the mix over the next few weeks as well."

The question is to what extent the Goodell news impacts the Rosenhaus spin.

So it turns out Sammy Sosa was a steroid freak.

Who'da thunk it?

When it comes to surprises, last week's revelation was like finding out Iran's elections were juiced for the incumbent. If you want shocking news, however, you've come to the right place.

We are ready to reveal all the players who failed baseball's 2003 drug test. The results were supposed to be kept confidential, but Alex Rodriguez's name was leaked to Sports Illustrated and Sosa was outed last week in the New York Times.

There are 102 names to go. This drip-drip-drip could go on for years, but we're not going to let it.

I am heartened to know, as an American and a human being, that Roger Goodell has a strong sense of responsibility and pride when a courtroom in Miami has neither. Donte' Stallworth may have the money to buy himself out of a lengthy jail sentence, a despicable escape from a drunk-driving debacle in which he imbibed into the wee hours, had a .126 blood-alcohol level, foolishly drove his car and killed a pedestrian.

But Goodell, the NFL boss who has no tolerance for ill social behavior, was quick to declare Thursday that he is among the outraged. Only two days after Stallworth plea-bargained a jail term that now will involve -- excuse me while I vomit -- a mere 24 days in the clink, Goodell informed the Cleveland Browns receiver that he has been suspended indefinitely without pay. I'm not sure what it says about criminal justice in dirty Dade County, Florida when a football commissioner cracks a tougher whip than a state attorney. But here's yet another example of why Goodell steadily is becoming the best administrator in professional sports.

To hell with local corruption. This judge makes his own rules.

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Roger Goodell has never been known to take a soft stance on violent and/or irresponsible behavior from an NFL player. It stood to reason, then, that after Donte' Stallworth received just 30 days in prison from America's wonderful legal system, that the commish might have a harsher punishment in mind.

That was confirmed this afternoon when Stallworth was suspended indefinitely by Goodell and the NFL, according to a letter sent to Stallworth and a statement released by the commissioner's office.

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