FanHouse SchruteBucks

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

-8,000,000, The Woman Who Accused and then Unaccused Pacman Jones of Assaulting her at the Fine Establishment Called "Body Tap"



Wanda S. Jackson is the woman's name, and until I learn differently, I'm going to assume that the "S" stands for "Strumpet Who Spreads Lies About Suspended Star Cornerbacks." I picture her parents as big fans of alliteration.

Yesterday she withdrew her accusation that Pacman Jones punched her at a strip club ... and I suppose, at the end of the day, there probably wasn't much damage done to Pacman's reputation. It's not like Wednesday was the day everyone decided first that Pacman might be a bit of a sleazebag, and it's not like there was any way, accusations or not, that people were going to think of Pac as a noble and honorable man on Friday.

Still, though, Wanda S. Jackson ... not cool.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



+200,000, Tony Romo

About 360 players remain active in the NFL playoffs. I'm willing to bet that more than one of them gave their wife or girlfriend the ol' pickle tickle at some point this past week, in a city that was not the one where they play football.

And yet, Tony Romo's the only one who we know about. Not only do we know it, in fact, it's become a weeklong saga.

I'm going to go ahead and give Tony a big pile of SchruteBucks now, so he can use them to cushion the fall if he loses to the Giants this weekend. If he does, a lot of people are going to blame Jessica Simpson, and, more specifically, Romo's desire to growl at her badger.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

-85,000, The Atlantic Coast Conference



I promise, we'll get to the part where we snuggle up to Kansas's jock a little bit later, but I'd rather start by pointing and laughing at the ACC.

With the Jayhawks' uprising last night, the ACC lost their 8th straight BCS bowl game, and their 9th in their last 10 tries. Since it's fun to compare college football and the NFL, let's go ahead and label the ACC college football's version of the NFC West.

I'd take the Seahawks out of the equation to make the putridity match up a little better, but they help strengthen the analogy. If the Seahawks hadn't migrated over from the AFC, the NFC West would be really pathetic; and if the ACC hadn't raided the Big East for Virginia Tech, Boston College, and Miami, they'd be equally screwed.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



+50 SchruteCents, Roger Clemens

Roger Clemens is either really adamant that he was wrongly named in the Mitchell Report, or he really wants it to look that way.

First, he took the fight to YouTube, and now he's hired private investigators to poke holes at the credibility of Brian McNamee, the guy who says he shoved performance enhancers into Clemens' tushie (said tushie pictured above).

If the investigators are looking to discredit McNamee, it could be really, really difficult for them ... they might have to go so far as reading ESPN.com or FanHouse. I don't know what they're hoping to turn up, but if their goal is to expose McNamee as a shady character, I think most people already put that together from the fact that he was injecting steroids into people's asses in hotel rooms.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

I've been waiting a long time for SchruteBucks XXX ... when it eventually rolled around, I had planned to make it an all-porno edition. But that wouldn't feel right, since it's so close to Christmas, and so many of you are already asking Santa Claus for hardcore, barely legal porno this year.

So, to celebrate the season ... nothing but positive SchruteBucks this week. There's not a lump of coal in the bunch. Enjoy the positivity.



+4,500, Najeh Davenport

The NFL's leading rusher had his leg snapped last night, and that's going to make it difficult for him to be an effective running back the rest of the year.

And conventional wisdom suggests that when a team loses the NFL's leading rusher, their running game will suffer. I don't know if that's the case in Pittsburgh.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

+40,000, George Mitchell



The former Senator delivered his own SchruteBuck list yesterday (it received a little bit of media attention), except that in his report, no one actually received any SchruteBucks. There were plenty of deductions, though ... the MLB players union, MLB, Roger Clemens, and Andy Pettitte all took it hard, and probably in that order.

I can't think of a single other thing like this that's happened in sports in my lifetime. A league will acknowledge a problem they have every now and then, and say they're working to fix it ... but never has any league called this kind of press conference, shone the spotlight so brightly on themselves, and said to anyone who would listen, "Hey ... look how messed up we are."

Maybe there wasn't a ton of new information in the report. Maybe it was 300+ pages of interviews with Kirk Radomski and Brian McNamee, and then a bunch of stuff you could've found in Google searches. But it's certainly not useless.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

+43,500, Steelers @ Patriots



In the biggest games of the season to this point -- Colts vs. Patriots and Cowboys vs. Packers -- the hype felt processed and pre-packaged. In both instances, the teams had identical records and there was an unofficial title (Super Bowl favorite, or NFC favorite, respectively) at stake. The hype came ready-made. It was all very tidy. Like a McDonalds hamburger.

This Sunday's Steelers vs. Patriots game has some hype building for it, too; particularly with the "Steelers will win" bandwagon that's gaining so much steam. But it doesn't feel like the previous two colossal matchups. It is, I believe, the first game in SchruteBuck history to earn SchruteBucks before the game.

The hype for this one is a little more organic. It's a sloppy, dirty, nasty, filthy, "I don't like you, you don't like me, so let's get out here and scrap until one of can't get up" kind of a game. The hype for this one is raw. It's not a McDonalds hamburger ... it's one of those big, greasy, ugly houseburgers that your mama used to make you (naughty language, and one of the funniest things ever captured on film can be found at that link).

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



+19,000, Aaron Rogers

I figured -- and I doubt I was alone in this -- that when Brett Favre left the game with an elbow injury last night, that any chance for an entertaining game left with him.

But then Aaron Rogers came in, and Aaron Rogers ... much to my surprise, did not suck.

Maybe the lead recipient of SchruteBucks should be someone who actually won, but to be honest with you, I wasn't terribly concerned with the winner of last night's game, as much as I was with just seeing a decent, entertaining game. It's been kind of a long week in sports.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



-10,000,000, Baseball.

Barry Bonds didn't have to do this. He didn't have to (still allegedly) use steroids. And if he hadn't, right now, we'd all just be sitting here, enjoying the twilight of a glorious career, wondering if he's got a few good years left in him, and where they might take place. That's no longer possible.

Instead, we're deluged with round-the-clock coverage of a federal indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice; the final highlight of a career that was thrilling, but could never be enjoyed purely.

(Also Today: You can earn SchruteBucks for threatening to beat up an old man, but you will lose SchruteBucks if you threaten to kill a defensive coordinator, no matter how bad that defensive coordinator may be ... I can think of better ways for tax dollars to be spent than on trying to find out of Barry Bonds lied ... Arizona triumphs ... and I feel really, really bad for Dennis Dixon...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



Happy Friday, boys and girls. May the time pass quickly, and may many attractive people call you and express a desire to see you naked this evening.

Last week's SchruteBuck-giving orgy is a thing of the past ... I'm back to being a Negative Nancy this week, because I roll hard like that.

Garrett Reid, David Stern, and our nation's penmanship get put on SchruteBuck blast ... while Barry Bonds, John Paxson, ESPN's NBA decision makers (!), and most likely, your favorite NFL team come out on the positive side of the SchruteBuck ledger.

Also, today ... don't miss the latest Postin' Up Podcast.