
Because if Jerramy Stevens wants to play professional football for a living, he's going to have to move. Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell
announced today that the Seahawks are washing their hands of Stevens.
Stevens was never particularly productive with the Seahawks, but has enjoyed a very long and storied career with our nation's penal system. Strap in for a second, this next paragraph is going to get bumpy.
Stevens has two marijuana arrests, a second degree assault, was accused of stomping on a man's face, was arrested (but never charged) for sexual assault, two instances of reckless driving, one where he crashed his car into a nursing home, and, of course, this list would not be complete without a DUI. Oh, and his neighbors repeatedly called the cops on him because they were tired of his vomit and used condoms all over the place. And he also kneed Tyler Brayton in the balls.
Also, he hasn't been a very good tight end. But other than that, he's been great in Seattle.
Seriously, this may be one of the least pleasant men in the world. Outside of the obvious, like dictators and people convicted of violent crimes, there really aren't many people in the world I'd want to hang out with
less that Jerramy Stevens. If I had to choose between having a beer with Stevens or shooting heroin with Carrot Top, well, go ahead and tie me off, Top, and let's get to shooting.
Personally, I hope Stevens ends up in Miami, so we can hear about the Joey Porter/Jerramy Stevens fights that happen
every single day during Dolphins training camp. Porter would love it, too, because only when Jerramy Stevens was around when anyone ever say, "Boy, I'm sure glad Joey Porter's here."