FanHouse SouthPark

The Justin Boren transfer saga continues to get weird. Did we say weird? We mean weirder.

Boren, as you'll probably recall, announced his decision to transfer from the Michigan football program on Tuesday. He tendered his letter of resignation or whatever to the media the next day, and it contained all sorts of ominous, nonspecific statements against the program's best interests, including the following excerpts:

I regret leaving behind my friends and teammates, but I need to stand up for what I know is right.

Michigan football was a family, built on mutual respect and support for each other from Coach Carr on down. We knew it took the entire family, a team effort, and we all worked together. I have great trouble accepting that those family values have eroded in just a few months.

I saw Rich Rodriguez throw Jimmy Hoffa into an active volcano in 1975.

If you want to get technical, the last excerpt may not actually exist in Boren's statement, but his decision to cite "family values" certainly leaves plenty of suspicion in a reader's mind. Sunday Morning Quarterback speculates further, and it reads like the "Woodland Critter Christmas" episode of South Park. SMQ also notes that this situation may be more closely related to the extreme duress of the no-huddle spread offense Rodriguez is implementing and the two offensive linemen who have already left, but let's not get bogged down on facts here folks.

Of course, the "fun" doesn't stop there.

The strength of the Philadelphia Phillies has been shaken up a bit with the news that Freddy Garcia's throwing bicep is sore and that he'll miss at least one spring start. But the Garcia and the Phillies are playing the role of Officer Barbrady from South Park, telling us to move along ... there's nothing to see here.

Garcia said that he was not worried and that he hoped to be ready by the team's April 2 season opener, but it is difficult to imagine that he will not begin the season on the disabled list. He has shown below-average velocity on his fastball all spring, and this shutdown - he'll miss at least his next start - probably means he'll need more time to get ready for the season.

Garcia showed below average velocity in a lot of pockets of 2006 with the White Sox as well. But assistant GM Ruben Amaro never saw that as a problem related to injuries:

"We consulted with their medical people, and nothing precluded us from making the deal, especially not with the comfort level we had with [White Sox general manager] Kenny Williams. With trades, it's buyer beware. It always has been. We felt comfortable enough with the information gathered from their medical people."

The Phillies' rotation has been regarded as a significant strength this year. But a lot of that optimism rides on a healthy Garcia. Even a Garcia topping out at 85 mph is like playing with fire in the band box known as Citizens Bank Park. Luckily for them, they have a surplus with Jon Lieber ready to step in. Yet a strength is neutralized if Garcia's arm remains tired.

Previously on The Fanhouse:
Jon Lieber to the Bullpen

UC's internal investigation of that 8-on-1 sex tape thing has concluded. The results:

The University of Cincinnati suspended a football player for lying during an investigation into allegations of videotaped sex after they could prove no other wrongdoing in the case. The player - whom UC didn't name, citing privacy laws - came to UC officials' attention following a Feb. 14 anonymous letter to them. It claimed that four UC football players and four recruits engaged in sex acts with a former women's soccer player during a recruiting visit.

Let's leave aside the fairly obvious absurdity of suspending someone but refusing to mention exactly who won't be playing in UC's first three games of the season -- how ever will we know? -- and focus on a really amazingly unfortunate name:

The only thing the investigation could prove is that the football player lied during the investigation, a violation of UC's Student Code of Conduct. "(N)o other University rules or policies were violated," Daniel Cummins, UC's director of judicial affairs, wrote in a Friday memo.

No rules or policies were violated? Nice. (Marginally NSFW.)

Again from The Georgia Sports Blog and Kit Kitchens.


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Saban is brilliant, and the dour vacancy of Les Miles is perfect. Also, Croom looks like he's about to start muttering "the horror... the horror," which I figure he does every time he sees his recruits' academic progress ratings.

Previously: The Big Ten | The ACC | The Big Twelve