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One of my favorite high school teachers had a Hayden Fry poster in the classroom and made everyone in class know who he was and the history behind the man. Mind you this was in California. And none of my classmates cared about college football. Or Iowa. Or middle aged men with lockjaw scowls on posters. But darned if he didn't love that man.

Enter "Bergwood" AKA Andrew Hawtrey. From an interview with Sports Illustrated On Campus:

SIOC: So I'll ask the obvious: If you're stopping your real life car in traffic to touch a college football icon, who is it?

Andrew Hawtrey: Hayden Fry!And let me tell you why. He is the man that brought winning to Iowa after 19 straight years of losing seasons. Three Big Ten titles, three Rose Bowl appearances and 14 bowl games. And let's not forget painting the visiting team locker rooms pink because it's a calming color and his use of plays he called "exotics". (When you say "exotics" you must use a Texas accent to get the full effect.) He is in the College Football Hall of Fame and while at SMU he was the first coach to integrate the Southeast Conference. I almost forgot about all the current and past head coaches that coach Fry had as assistant coaches or players. Kirk Ferentz (Iowa), Bob Stoops (Oklahoma), Mike Stoops (Arizona), Bill Snyder(Kansas State), Barry Alvarez (Wisconsin), Bret Bielema (Wisconsin), Dan McCarney (Iowa State), Chuck Long (San Diego State), Jim Leavitt (South Florida) and Bo Pelini (Nebraska). I would be honored to touch all of them, and if I get my chance I will!

Coach Hayden Fry is my college football God and I bow at his alter. I would be breathless if I were even able to get close enough to touch him. I am so jazzed right now talking about coach Fry so much I'm going to go kick some field goals and imagine myself being Rob Houghtlin winning the 1985 Michigan game with two seconds left on the clock.

If that wasn't a breathless response I don't know what is. Now's a good time to mention "Bergwood" grew up -- according to SIOC -- directly across the street from Iowa's Kinnick Stadium. We'll give him the homer pass.

While we all contemplate Teemu Selanne's abilities as a Scanner as he concentrates on Dubya during Anaheim's White House visit, a quick question: Who in their right mind doesn't consider the Ducks to be a prime contender in the Western Conference right now? The answer is Allan Muir of Sports Illustrated. Even with the return of Niedermayer and Selanne (is he better than Pau Gasol?), even with Sammy Pahlsson on the horizon, color Muir unimpressed with the Ducks' chemistry:

Last year's team played like starving dogs, tracking down the puck as if it were a hunk of meat. Intensity and relentless physicality made the Ducks the league's most frightening date on the schedule. This year? They're still big and strong, but they're not as ferocious on the forecheck. That's led to fewer scoring chances, a fact borne out by their standing as the meekest offense of any team holding a playoff spot in either conference.

If Eric Lindros is enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame, my preference for his etched glass plaque would be an image of his frozen face under a twisted helmet, resting on the slowly melting ice in Philadelphia during Game 7 of the 2000 Eastern Conference Finals. Somewhere in the corner would be a smaller etching of Scott Stevens, shaking the freight-train impact from his shoulder.

The above is written as a Devils fan who is unable, even as Lindros formally announced the end of his career, to shake the vision of No. 88 as a fragile Messiah; always one championship away from being declared a hockey deity, always one head-shot away from admission to the infirmary. The above is also written as a prime example of the crux in Lindros's Hall of Fame debate: The inability of hockey pundits and fans to separate reputation, hype and personal behavior from the case that can be made for his Hall of Fame credentials.

I think that debate was captured nicely this morning by Jes Golbez in The Ice Sheet, where he lamented Lindros as being "content to sit back and have his parents whine about his ice time" while at the same time praising Eric as "a player who could do everything well and force opponents to change their strategy just to deal with the guy." Jes believes Lindros's place in NHL history "will cause many bar and kitchen table debates for years." Actually, it hasn't taken years: The Lindros Debate has intensely raged in the MSM and the blogosphere in the hours following news of his pending retirement.

Desmond Howard is not just another Heisman winner. He may be the most iconic Heisman guy of them all, what with Keith Jackson going "hellloooooo Heisman" as he busted the statue's pose out after his game-changing punt return touchdown against Ohio State. That's why EA put him on the cover and not, say, Rashaan Salaam when they wanted to pump up their new "Race for the Heisman" mode a couple years ago. He's also been on TV a lot recently.

But don't tell that to Sports Illustrated. The Realests bring us an unforgivable error:



Tim Brown? TIM BROWN? From Notre Dame? For this, there can be no forgiveness.

According to Albert Chen of SI.com, Lou Piniella (who surprisingly seems slightly amenable to the concept of statistical analysis) is taking a more "relaxed" stance toward the Cubs this year. Those quotes are attributable to Piniella, not Chen; Piniella actually told the Cubs, in his first address to the team, that things were going to be "...nice and relaxed around here."

Seriously. Piniella, the man with 57 career ejections to his name, is planning on being "relaxed." You can forgive his players if they're not completely sold on the idea.

While the Cubs' players welcomed their manager's What, Me Worry? attitude, they weren't completely buying it: By Friday they had started to organize a clubhouse pool inviting wagers on the date of Sweet Lou's first meltdown.

Where's the faith, people? The guy's turning over a new leaf, re-introducing himself, amending his style to (presumably) fit the needs of his players, and you guys are going to take bets on it? Not cool, fellas.

At the same time, let's not jump to conclusions here. It's quite possible that the players believe Piniella has reformed himself so completely that they were jockeying for the positions late in the season. Maybe they think he's sincere, and they were really fighting for those prime spots in August and September ... but somehow, I bet the odds were considerably less steep on the prime April and May dates. Just a hunch.

You know how I know college football rocks? Sports Illustrated sends bikini models to the USC and Grambling State campuses to take photos of their lovely models hanging out with the pair of awesome college football bands.

Pictures: USC II Pictures: Grambling State

Mind you these aren't just any bands, they're USC's famed Trojan Marching Band and the Grambling State Marching Band. Models Julie Henderson (right) and Jessica White acquitted themselves quite nicely while hanging out to the background of drums, trumpets, horns and whatever else could be played. SI's Arash Markazi, a USC alum, was there for the Los Angeles shoot and relayed this predictable instrument bit:

Soon after, Jessica came out in a similarly skimpy USC bikini and lay down on the turf with the band around her as she placed one foot seductively on top of a trombone and gently held a flute above her. "Most of the flute players are girls so I guess this is one of the advantages of being a guy flute player," said junior flutist Conner Imes. "I can always say a supermodel held my flute."

The girls later created a bit of a stir with the USC football team, nearly cripping a backup quarterback in the process.

I [Markazi] taught them the importance of the victory sign when we returned to USC the next day. As I told Julie that throwing up the victory sign and saying "Fight On!" would elicit the same response back from anyone on campus she was excited to test the theory. So with nothing but a stringy cardinal and gold bikini on that was almost coming apart at the seems, she ran outside as the USC football team was returning from practice.

As players and coaches passed by she began showing them the victory sign and saying "Fight On!" to each one. While some players were too dumbfounded to know what to do when they saw her -- freshman quarterback Garrett Green walked into a golf cart while looking in her direction -- others were curious about what was going on. "What's happening here?" asked quarterback John David Booty as he smiled at the sight of Julie showing him the victory sign. "Don't worry about it," said Julie. "I'm part of the welcoming committee."

And you wonder why Joe McKnight ends up in Los Angeles instead of Baton Rouge? Just sayin'.

I'd show you some pictures on here but they're the property of Sports Illustrated so bang the links or buy a copy of this week's Swimsuit edition to get your fill of Bikinis Meets Band Nerds IV or whatever SI's calling this.
Sorry, No Photos

Sports Illustrated has backed away from Michael Silver's exclusive story yesterday that the Pittsburgh Steelers had hired Minnesota Vikings defensive coordinator Mike Tomlin as their new head coach. Although the story is still online, SI.com no longer links to it from its homepage. In fact, the web site has replaced its headline announcing SI's "scoop" with a headline reading, "Steelers dispute reports, say no hiring yet". The Tomlin story is also nowhere to be found on Silver's archive.

If Silver was wrong, this is a major embarrassment to SI and to ESPN, which reported after Silver's story that it had independently confirmed Tomlin's hiring. Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review continues to lead with its story that Russ Grimm will get the job.

It's still not clear who's right, but it's bizarre that SI hasn't explained itself here: Does Michael Silver stand by his story or not? If he does, it should still be the top story on SI.com. If he doesn't, a retraction should be on SI.com. SI appears to be trying to have it both ways.

We can't help it. No matter how much we disagree with them, how stupid we may think they are, we click them every week. I'm referring to the team rankings issued each week by the major sports websites.

Chiefs' fans have been particularly sensitive, since they feel that their team is shortchanged each week. Rating the Chiefs is never particularly easy-- they've been a playoff only once in the last several years, but they've come awfully close on several occasions.

I myself try not to get too excited or angry about the rankings. They're just one person's (or in ESPN's case, a crew's) opinion.

Bye weeks are always slow, though, so I decided to peruse the rankings. To my surprise, I think Chiefs' fans have a legitimate beef this week. ESPN ranks the Chiefs 26th. CBS Sportsline ranks them 24th. SI ranks them 22nd, Fox Sports 20th.

Why do I find the rankings strange? While other higher-ranked teams have lost badly in both weeks, the Chiefs went into Denver and nearly pulled off a huge upset. So, one by one, here is my assessment of each ranking:

ESPN (Notably Higher: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Miami, Redskins, 49ers, Jets)

ESPN's ranking is the most egregious. Understanding that ESPN's writers did not really consider the Chiefs to be as automatic a preseason playoff pick as the other teams, it still baffles me how they rank the Chiefs well behind all the above teams except Washington (25th). Carolina, Tampa Bay, Miami and Washington had worse showings in Weeks 1 and 2 than the Chiefs. Carolina is perhaps understandable because Steve Smith has been a huge loss for them, but the other 3 teams have been miserable. I can't find much justification for ESPN's ranking.

Sportsline (Notably Higher: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Miami, Redskins)

Sportsline rankings are actually very similar to ESPN's, except that Sportsline hasn't jumped on the Jets' and 49ers' (both of whom ESPN ranked higher than Kansas City) bandwagons as quickly as ESPN has. In the past, Pete Prisco has been reluctant to rank the Chiefs very highly because he has never been convinced that the defense

Looks like everyone is starting to come out of hibernation and prepare for the games that count. And the 800-pound gorilla of sports has spoken: Sports Illustrated has released its annual NFL predictions.

In what is probably the NFL's toughest division, SI took the easy road as far as the four teams' records. Somehow, some way, SI says they're all going to finish at 9-7. Even the Eagles! But only one team can finish in first place, and SI got it right. With the New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys earning wildcard berths, SI says the Washington Redskins will win the division.

But to make sure they weren't viewed as finally giving th Redskins some respect, SI compromised their intelligence by predicting the Giants will beat the Redskins in the first round of the playoffs. They even have the Giants beating the Seattle Seahawks next to go on to the NFC Championship game when they'll finally lose to the Carolina Panthers, who will beat the Miami Dolphins (in Miami) for the Super Bowl title.

Whatever.

They also listed Chris Cooley as a future breakout player. With Al Saunders running the show, Cooley is looking to improve on last year's numbers, in which he grabbed 71 passes for 700+ yards and 7 TDs. Saunders says when Cooley's career is over, he will be recognized as one of the premier TEs in the league. Strong words considering Saunders also made Tony Gonzales who he is.

By the way, who does SI think will have the first overall draft pick next year? The Houston Texans who they predict will finish 3-11.