FanHouse Stephen A. Smith

Times are tough for Pacman Jones. The guy is picked up by the Dallas Cowboys with a "one strike and you're out" policy, gets in one little fight with a bodyguard in a public setting and now people are all over him.

The cornerback had five tackles yesterday in the loss against the Cardinals, but got burnt on a go route by none other than ESPN's Stephen A. Smith, who said Friday that he is absolutely fed up with Pacman's antics, taking a particular stance that he feels many in sports media cannot.

"(Jones) is completely idiotic in this situation," Smith said on ESPN's 1st & 10. "I'm really ticked off right now because one of the things that I think a lot of people can't say, but obviously I can say being an African-American, I don't see too many white players getting into these kinds of situations."

Stephen A. was just loading the bullets into the gun. He went on to call out African-American players as a whole for a bad NFL image.

Oh, you silly fools, you ignorant mortals. You underestimated it. You doubted its power. You thought it couldn't exact its revenge on an NFL piss-drunk on its own power if you put a retired player on the cover.

Oh, you silly fools.

The Madden Curse has clearly struck again, as Brett Favre has decisively ruined his reputation worse than any other retired quarterback who doesn't want to kiss you. In many ways, this is worse than breaking Michael Vick's leg or taking Randy Moss away from Daunte Culpepper; those men, after all, were still in the league and fully aware of its dangers. Let's say Culpepper and Vick's misfortune is like "swimming with the sharks." By way of comparison, Favre's last two weeks, which elicited this angry (yet wholly amusing) tirade by Stephen A. Smith, have been akin to dipping a big toe into a wading pool and having your leg severed at the hip by pirahnas.

Stop yourself, Mr. Favre. You don't know what these Madden gods are capable of. They took away Shaun Alexander's legs. They exploded Marshall Faulk's and Garrison Hearst's ankles. And don't even ask Donovan McNabb about that sports hernia. Imagine what happens if you set one foot on Lambeau Field in 2008. Those video game programmers are going to have to add a new injury to their list: "Death By Flaming Meteor." That's at least six weeks on the shelf, man.

The Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen is one of the true American traditions revolving around the NBA Draft. Just like Stephen A. himself, the Society gets in everyone's face and yells a lot. Only with a sock puppet.

In the video below, you will see nine minutes of heart gripping hilarity along the lines of Triumph the Comic Insult Dog. Highlights include (the entire freaking thing really) attacking Kenny Smith (2:25), "E tu, Bilas?" (3:00), the parading of the first round draft picks (3:25) in which Kevin Love drops a Cheesy-Doodle line (3:50) and Stephen A. "writes" a letter to ESPN (6:00). But seriously, watch the whole thing.



Thank you, kind sirs, for making my Friday less painful. Oh via AA, and of course, it's dedicated to Leitch, who's leaving or something today.

This phrase, no doubt, will go on Chad Johnson's headstone: "I'm crazy, but I ain't stupid." That's what he told Stephen A. Smith when asked why he decided to show up for mandatory minicamp when he spent most of the spring saying he wouldn't, you know, show up for mandatory minicamp.

It sounds like Johnson used the time between making idle threats and making an appearance in Cincinnati to reconsider his future. Or, as he says, "I looked at all the fine print of me not showing up, and they could've got me if they wanted to; they could've went after money, you know... I talk a good one, but ... I'm gonna do my homework first and see some of the consequences on some of the things I was saying."

I like Chad, although his act does get tired. That said, I give him credit for admitting to being a pain-in-the-ass distraction these past few months (I'm sure Marvin Lewis is less thrilled with the confession, however), but when Stephen A. Smith is the voice of reason in any conversation, you're probably wrong.

If the rumors that Steven A. Smith is reporting come to fruition, and they appear to be manifesting themselves through a relevant Googly news search, Michael Curry will soon be named the new head coach of the Detroit Pistons:

Pistons assistant Michael Curry will be named Saunders' successor, a source close to the Pistons told ESPN's Stephen A. Smith. Curry is a former Pistons player and official in the players' union. [...]

'This will not be a long, drawn-out process,' Dumars said about a replacement for Saunders. 'The next coach is going to be handed a good team. You worry more when you don't have the players to compete at the level you need them to.'

If the two biggest concerns of Dumars are that a) Flip Saunders did not have the confidence of his team and b) that the Pistons need to keep things in-house, then Curry is a perfect choice, as his leadership abilities and current role satisfy both requirements. Curry have just one year on the bench, but as a former president of the NBA Players Association as well as NBA Vice President of Player Development, the guy knows how to lead.

Plus, he bridges the gap between the front office to the current roster: he's one of Dumars' teammates for several years and was a starter during Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince's first year in Detroit in 2002-03, which marked the first of Detroit's six straight trips to the Eastern Conference Finals. Would his familiarity with the players allow him to keep them properly motivated? Or would it simply mean the players can stay comfortable? Only time will tell -- assuming he gets the job.

The Rotation is a weekly study on the NBA by one of our All-Star voices. In rotation this week is Matt Watson.

What's experience worth in the NBA playoffs? If you believe the pundits, it's what separates serious contenders from "happy to be here" upstarts. When talking about the Hornets-Mavericks series on Friday night, ESPN's Stephen A. Smith predicted Dallas to win in six. Why? Because they've been there before. "I think they have the experience and savvy to close it out, plus the sense of urgency," said Smith, "because if they don't get it done and they lose in the first round, there's going to be some changes in the Big D."

Forget that Chris Paul turned in an MVP-caliber season or that the Hornets won the No. 2 seed in the most competitive Western Conference of recent memory. Never mind the fact that the Mavericks barely made the playoffs, or that they lost in the opening round as a No. 1 seed the year before (now that was a good experience). Instead, Dallas should be favored because they're "experienced," "savvy," and my favorite, "urgent." Yes, folks, closing windows of opportunity are now reasons for hope.

Well, we saw what that was worth Saturday afternoon, as poor, inexperienced, wet behind the ears Chris Paul took a steaming dump on conventional wisdom.

In bad news, the blogosphere may implode on itself as Stephen A. Smith has come out and openly admitted his silly addiction his stress reliever: Cheese Doodles. (I smell endorsement!) He also thinks that the Knicks should trade Eddy Curry for a bag of said powdery, delicious and cheesy snack food.



How much do you think RASHO NEST-ER-O-VIC is worth then? And more importantly, wouldn't getting a bag (assuming a large bag) of doodles back for Curry actually be a good deal for the Knicks at this point? I mean, admit a mistake, dump some salary, sign the Doodles for the league minimum and move on.

Quick, NBA fans, who are the three most reprehensible broadcasters in the sport? In no particular order, this list would have to include Bill Walton, the self-styled oracle of senile wisdom; Stephen A. Smith, whose volume and nervous energy overshadow any actual content; and Stuart Scott, known primarily for saying "boo-ya!"

What if I told you that all three of these men would be together as a team, and that this would ESPN's way of kicking off the season? Would you ever recover? Well, get used to this new dark age. From Sports Media Watch:

While ESPN has not officially released its NBA announcing schedule -- it may do so in the next few days -- the team of Scott, Walton and Smith could be the trio ESPN goes with for the balance of the season. A listing of NBA announcers for the first month of the season does not include Walton, which could indicate a move to the studio for the long-time NBA analyst.

Thankfully, the network will also employ the considerable talents of Hubie Brown and Jeff Van Gundy. And given the programming priorities that reign in the NBA, the Unholy Three will most like be stuck on games I won't watch anyway. You know, those designed to help LeBron James and Dwyane Wade sell more shoes.

FanHouse's Top Five scans the sports blogosphere for the best posts of the last 24 hours so you don't have to. Got something for this feature? Hit us up at fanhouse@googlegroups.com.

1) We've already seen a few positives come from the HBO show Hard Knocks. But is it really a good idea for an NFL team to partake in a reality show like that?

2) Fans have the chance to play for Ozzie Guillen and Lou Piniella. I'm still wondering who considered that a privilege.

3) Do not mess with Stephen A. Smith's wikipedia page.

4) Bugs and Cranks has video of a pre-facial hair Roger Clemens trying to sell you body soap. Wow.

5) Uh oh, it appears as if a USC football coach was embroiled in a dog fighting scandal back in the day.

(most links via Ballhype)