FanHouse The Debriefing

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

-8,000,000, The Woman Who Accused and then Unaccused Pacman Jones of Assaulting her at the Fine Establishment Called "Body Tap"



Wanda S. Jackson is the woman's name, and until I learn differently, I'm going to assume that the "S" stands for "Strumpet Who Spreads Lies About Suspended Star Cornerbacks." I picture her parents as big fans of alliteration.

Yesterday she withdrew her accusation that Pacman Jones punched her at a strip club ... and I suppose, at the end of the day, there probably wasn't much damage done to Pacman's reputation. It's not like Wednesday was the day everyone decided first that Pacman might be a bit of a sleazebag, and it's not like there was any way, accusations or not, that people were going to think of Pac as a noble and honorable man on Friday.

Still, though, Wanda S. Jackson ... not cool.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

I'm Starting to Think Pacman Might Have a Problem ...

Pacman Jones hasn't been arrested or charged with anything in his latest entanglement in a house of adult pleasures, but to me, that's not the interesting part anyway. What interests me is the fact that Pacman Jones, despite the fact that strip club incidents have wrecked the last year of his life, is still going to the damn places.

There are a lot of people out there addicted to strip clubs -- examples here and here -- or at least they frequent them an unhealthy levels. I don't actually know Pacman, so I can't say for sure that he's an addict, but when someone keeps engaging in an activity that's clearly having a massively destructive effect on his life, that does sort of point a finger at addiction.

Also helping lead me to this conclusion: Pac doesn't differentiate between strip clubs and normal clubs, he says he goes there to the food (still), and justifies his trips there because "it's not like they're selling (vulgar synonym for female reproductive part)."

Oh, well, sure ... if they're not selling (vulgar synonym for female reproductive part), it must be a wholesome establishment that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Round up the kids and go!

(Also on Today's List: Juan Palacios keeps his mouth closed and possibly saves you from being gay ... Congress keeps on doing not a whole lot ... Wade Phillips didn't seem to be paying attention on Sunday ... and man, if Rich Rodriguez did what he's accused of doing, some angry West Virginian will likely assault him soon...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



For the group or person who played with, gained, or displayed some dignity on Sunday ...

The Sinner: Norv Turner



You're 8 point underdogs, your quarterback has been shaky, and you're going on the road to play the defending Super Bowl champions in maybe the league's most hostile environment. In addition, your tight end and biggest receiving threat is severely hobbled, and you're going to lose the league's best running back and your starting quarterback for much of the second half.

Name a coach who's going to go in there and get that win. Name a coach with the pants prunes to go into that Lion's Den, and come out with the lion's still-beating, blood-dripping heart in his triumphant, fearless hand.

Who do you want? Lombardi? Noll? Belichick? Walsh?

You want Norv.

Morv Motherflipping Turner.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



+200,000, Tony Romo

About 360 players remain active in the NFL playoffs. I'm willing to bet that more than one of them gave their wife or girlfriend the ol' pickle tickle at some point this past week, in a city that was not the one where they play football.

And yet, Tony Romo's the only one who we know about. Not only do we know it, in fact, it's become a weeklong saga.

I'm going to go ahead and give Tony a big pile of SchruteBucks now, so he can use them to cushion the fall if he loses to the Giants this weekend. If he does, a lot of people are going to blame Jessica Simpson, and, more specifically, Romo's desire to growl at her badger.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

Racial Insensitivity? In Golf? Nah...

At some point over the next few days, someone might ask me what the Jaguars have to do to beat the Patriots on Saturday night. And my response might be that they should kidnap Tom Brady, chain him to a pipe in a dark crawlspace somewhere, and have Tony Boselli beat him with a bag of Canadian quarters until the game is over.

Now, I don't really want that to happen to Tom Brady (at the very least, the quarters are unnecessary). You know that. People joke like this ... they suggest that the best or only way to overcome a superior talent is if that superior talent is unable to actually compete, and they often suggest an odd or humorous way for that talent to become incapacitated.

I joke like this. Friends of mine joke like this. You might joke like this. And The Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman tried to joke like this ... but she unfortunately missed the all-important comedy lesson that lynching black people isn't something people have a sense of humor about.

(Also on Today's List: Joe Gibbs was not going to get a better opportunity to leave with his legacy intact ... The guy who voted Brett Favre for MVP explains himself, but he shouldn't have to ... West Virginians might want to tone back the death threats, just a little bit ... and someone likes Norv Turner...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

Ohio State Reprises the Role of College Football's Washington Generals

Today's first order of business is to congratulate the LSU Tigers on their BCS Championship Game victory last night. And today's second order of business is to wonder exactly how much snickering we should be doing at the expense of the Big Ten.

Truly, the Buckeyes don't have anything to be ashamed of. They lost to a very good LSU team last night, and for a Big Ten team, the Buckeyes are a pretty decent squad. Making it to consecutive BCS Championship games is something to be proud of, as long as you note that they got to this one by mowing through a pathetic non-conference schedule and a weak Big Ten. It's still something to be proud of. Probably.

Granted, fans of rival teams and conferences might not frame it that same way when they mention it, but I guess that's just the price you pay for being ... well, pretty good.

(Also on Today's List: So, what exactly did LSU win last night? ... June Jones doesn't so much take the SMU job, as he runs screaming away from the Hawaii job ... This Roger Clemens thing is getting so weird ... ESPN desperately wants another Anthony Smith situation ... and we honor LSU's White Hammer, Jacob Hester...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



For those who were left in a position to be jealous on Sunday ...



The Sinner: The Running Game

Here's a bit of advice for the teams remaining in the NFL playoffs: Take the half of your playbook that deals with running plays, tear it out, and give it to Matt Millen so he can color on it. It is of little consequence.

If we learned one thing through the four games of NFL Wildcard Weekend, it was that if you can throw the ball, you can win. Defensive lines -- particularly the ones for playoff teams, and that's no coincidence -- have gotten too big and too good. It's nice if you have an offense that can go through them, but it's not something you can bank on. The better and more reliable strategy is to go over the top of them.

In different ways, each game this weekend served to highlight the death of the "you have to run the ball in the playoffs" philosophy.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

-85,000, The Atlantic Coast Conference



I promise, we'll get to the part where we snuggle up to Kansas's jock a little bit later, but I'd rather start by pointing and laughing at the ACC.

With the Jayhawks' uprising last night, the ACC lost their 8th straight BCS bowl game, and their 9th in their last 10 tries. Since it's fun to compare college football and the NFL, let's go ahead and label the ACC college football's version of the NFC West.

I'd take the Seahawks out of the equation to make the putridity match up a little better, but they help strengthen the analogy. If the Seahawks hadn't migrated over from the AFC, the NFC West would be really pathetic; and if the ACC hadn't raided the Big East for Virginia Tech, Boston College, and Miami, they'd be equally screwed.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

The Warriors Deserved to Be There ... as Much as Anyone Else, Anyway

Hawaii spent a season putting up unfathomable numbers against incapable opponents, and when suddenly facing with a team that's actually ranked among the top 50 (or, in this case, top 5), Georgia stuck an apple in their mouth, then glazed and roasted them while tourists danced about in grass skirts.

And now, in light of the pounding that Hawaii took in the Sugar Bowl last night, the popular question to ask is if they deserved to there at all. To that, I would answer, "It's the BCS. What does 'deserve' have to do with anything?"

(Also on Today's List: I miss the old way of doing January 1st ... A lot of these bowl games seem like low-quality carbon copies of one another ... that hockey game seemed like a big hit, so obviously, the NHL shouldn't do it again ... and Big Red was robbed in the Mascot of the Year competition...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



For the group who played with, gained, or displayed some dignity on Sunday ...

The Sinner: The Washington Redskins



Four weeks ago, the Washington Redskins were 5-7. They still had road games at the Giants and Vikings, as well a home game against Dallas. They had players openly crying on the field when they looked over at the safety position and did not see #21. And they had a head coach who outright cost his team a game because he either didn't know or couldn't remember a rule.

I did not have them pegged as a safe playoff bet.

But here they are, ready to travel to Seattle for a playoff game on Saturday afternoon. It's not Minnesota and their power in the trenches, it's not New Orleans and their aerial assault, and it's not Philadelphia and their playoff pedigree ... it's the Redskins and their endless grief.

I credit two things for the Redskins turnaround: Todd Collins ... and that same endless grief.