FanHouse TomCable

Tom Cable has been, pun intended, cooling off this week. He shouldn't have been no matter this being his Raiders' bye week on the NFL schedule.

Instead, Cable should've been in New York at a particular building on Park Avenue sweating in the most magnificent office in the joint -- the NFL commissioner's suite. He should've been there explaining to NFL boss Roger Goodell exactly how his assistant Randy Hanson wound up with a broken jaw after a team meeting last August that a district attorney concluded was the result of "some type of physical contact that happened between Mr. Cable and Mr. Hanson when [Hanson] went down." And he should've been explaining how police wound up asking him about a woman who wound up being thrown out of his home last January.

In case you hadn't noticed, sports these days are all about Goliath. In 2009, the Steelers, Lakers, North Carolina Tar Heels and now the Yankees have all won titles in their respective sports. Cinderella is yesterday's news. The teams that win these days are the teams that always win, and if you think that's boring, well, tough. You can kiss one of Derek Jeter's five World Series rings.

So with that in mind, we need to be really careful about overlooking the Dallas Cowboys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you ever hear about the Cowboys is what's wrong with them. Terrell Owens was a pain. Roy Williams is a loudmouth, too, and isn't good enough to replace T.O. Tony Romo's too concerned with his golf game and his high-wattage love life to ever attain his potential. The new stadium is ridiculous...

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

---

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

As Round 1 of our single-elimination fight tournament involving NFL coaches nears its end, let us recap the action we've seen so far. To view the entire bracket or learn what we're talking about, kindly click on the links below.

---

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

---

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

---

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

Consider this hypothetical: what if two coaches met in a dark alley and threw down in a no-holds-barred brawl? Who would emerge victorious?

First, some background: back when I was in high school, when my friends and I were pretty creative in finding ways to avoid actually paying attention in class, we'd create brackets (think NCAA Tournament) where we'd pit our teachers against each other**. Whoever we thought would win in a fight advanced to the next round. It always ended with our offensive line coach against our wrestling coach in the finals and a huge argument as to who would come out on top.

Anyway, last week, the Back Porch staff somehow ended up discussing whether Rex Ryan or Tom Cable would win in a old school playground scrap. I passed along the above information, and shortly after that, an idea was born -- NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament.

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. -- It's easy to believe Tom Cable when he says he's not worried about the possible criminal assault charges that could be coming his way. Honestly, even if he gets arrested, how bad could it be compared to coaching the Raiders?

Unless he's going to be sentenced to watch an endless loop of his team's 44-7 loss to the Giants (or worse, one single replay of Sunday's Bills-Browns game), Cable has to be thinking about heading up to Napa County first thing Monday morning and turning himself in. Because as embarrassing as the Raiders can be off the field in the middle of the week, they show up on Sundays and take humiliation to new, ever-darker levels.

---

---

It's only a matter of time before the Napa Valley Police introduce Raiders head coach Tom Cable to the back of a squad car for breaking assistant coach Randy Hanson's jaw. In preparation for that eventuality, here's a handy graph of potential Cable replacements.

---

---

If you, like me, think that Ben Roethlisberger is the perfect athlete to host WWE Raw, then it's time to back a whole truckload of justification up to the Wachovia Arena at Casey Plaza in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania and dump it on the classy Steelers fans who will be streaming in to watch fake wrestling next Monday.

Because, yup, Roethlisberger is indeed the guest host of Raw (via Camel Clutch).