FanHouse TomNieto

Babe, it's a hard life
God makes you live

But without it,
Don't doubt it
You don't even have
Your tears to give

- "Hard Life," Bonnie Prince Billy

If you are unfamiliar with Tom Nieto's role in The Dugout, I humbly ask that you read some of these before you read this one. Your second Dugout of the day is after the jump.

Tonight, the Rays' Jason Bartlett stole second base. In accordance with a Taco Bell promotion, you will be entitled to a free taco next week. Here is the conversation you will have with the person across the counter:

"Will this be for here or to go?"
"To go."
"Would you like a free taco?"
"Why am I getting a free taco?"
"Some dude ran real fast."
"I hate this country."

Tonight's Dugout is unnecessarily high in sodium and after the jump.

Headline: COLLUSION!

Barry Bonds is being kept out of baseball, and nobody can understand why. The fans don't understand. They want to see Barry hit the homers! The owners don't understand. Who wouldn't want a great player like Barry Bonds on their team? He has hit so many home runs! The MLBPA doesn't understand. Barry is a loving, pleasant man who brings smiles to faces wherever he goes. So what can it be?

Barry and his agent attempt to figure it all out in today's Dugout, after the jump.

Jose Canseco is a pretty cool guy, right? He did steroids, then wrote a book about how everybody else did steroids, too. He bragged about his boxing prowess and then got trounced in the first round of his Celebrity Boxing exhibition. He's made a post-baseball career out of exploitation and reality shows. And once when I was seven he refused to even look at me when I asked him for an autograph. Blogger remorse!

So with that said, it is with my deepest sincerity that I hope the first question on Canseco's upcoming episode of The Moment of Truth is "Are you a douchebag?" Canseco can answer no and fail right out. Or even funnier, he can answer "yes," THAT answer can be false, and he can go on a journey of self-discovery.

Whatever. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

BREAKING: Tom Nieto is in the news! Nieto has agreed to take a coaching staff position with the Cincinnati Reds. Boy, he sure wasn't out of work long!

No, I'm kidding. Of course Tom Nieto is still unemployed. I set up a Google Alert for "tom nieto" a couple of weeks ago. Nothing. No mention in a single news story. Well, we at The Dugout refuse to allow his name to be shoved into the oubliette of time and forgotten. FanHouse is your one-stop shop for Nieto-centric speculation. You can count on us.

Let's see what our friend is up to these days! This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

When the Mets fired Willie Randolph, they also fired something much more important: first base coach Tom Nieto. A week and a half ago Jon authored Remember Tom Nieto, a pulitzer prize-quality Dugout about his exit from the big city and the ridiculousness of firing a guy when his last name is "Nieto." I'm with Jon, I wouldn't fire a guy named "Nieto" if he were in my employ, be he my stock broker, gynecologist, or street sweeper.

But to really remember Tom Nieto we have to explore who Tom Nieto is, so today, with the help of instant messenger logs from the mid-eighties and a heapin' helpin' of CGI, we explore a flashpoint in Tom Nieto's storied career: the day, the one and only single day he shared on the Montreal Expos with Terry Francona.

Remember Tom Nieto as we do, after the jump.

As reported far too early in the morning by our Matt Watson, the Mets decided to can manager Willie Randolph, pitching coach Rick Peterson, and first base coach Tom Nieto.

The name "Tom Nieto" ranks above "Oil Can Boyd" and below "Urban Shocker" on the list of greatest baseball names ever. I could never fire a man named Tom Nieto, were he in my employ as a dishwasher, plumber, nurse or attorney. I'd bring him into my office, say his name aloud, start laughing, and send him back to work with a smile.

I don't know. Maybe first base coach Tom Nieto was really bad at looking at a ball in play and judging whether it was appropriate for the runner to take an extra base. What? How can someone be bad at that? There are so many things I don't know.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

Mets GM Omar Minaya cleaned house early this morning, firing manager Willie Randolph, pitching coach Rick Peterson and first base coach Tom Nieto hours after last night's win in Anaheim.

The news was hardly unexpected, though it's a little surprising to hear that players learned of Randolph's fate via text messages from beat reporters ("WILY WUZ CANNED. LOL!"). Our own Mullet brilliantly satirized Randolph's job security on his personal blog throughout Monday's game, joking that "The Wilpons and Omar Minaya have refused to shoot down the notion that the Mets coaching staff will be replaced by the cast of 'The Hills' for Tuesday night's game."

Instead of Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, though, Jerry Manuel (Randolph's former bench coach) will take over as the Mets interim manager. He'll be joined on the big league staff by Ken Oberkfell and Dan Warthen, the manager and pitching coach of Triple-A New Orleans, respectively, as well as field coordinator Luis Aguayo. None of these promotions were unexpected.

Now that Minaya has purged the Mets dugout of scapegoats, the only one left to blame is himself. We've already seen on GM get canned this week; is Minaya close behind?

The Willie Randolph saga seems never-ending ... so forgive us if we try to portray it as "finally coming to a head". But the saga may be finally coming to a head ... sort of. From Adam Rubin's blog at the New York Daily News:

Sources have told the Daily News that principal owner Fred Wilpon and chief operating officer Jeff Wilpon have authorized Minaya to fire Randolph, pitching coach Rick Peterson and first base coach Tom Nieto. Bench coach Jerry Manuel would ascend to manager if Randolph is ousted, while Triple-A New Orleans manager Ken Oberkfell and pitching coach Dan Warthen would join the major league staff.

A team insider speculated that Randolph could survive a first round of firings, saying: "I think the coaches are in trouble. That may be the compromise for now."