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NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

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NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

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NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

Consider this hypothetical: what if two coaches met in a dark alley and threw down in a no-holds-barred brawl? Who would emerge victorious?

First, some background: back when I was in high school, when my friends and I were pretty creative in finding ways to avoid actually paying attention in class, we'd create brackets (think NCAA Tournament) where we'd pit our teachers against each other**. Whoever we thought would win in a fight advanced to the next round. It always ended with our offensive line coach against our wrestling coach in the finals and a huge argument as to who would come out on top.

Anyway, last week, the Back Porch staff somehow ended up discussing whether Rex Ryan or Tom Cable would win in a old school playground scrap. I passed along the above information, and shortly after that, an idea was born -- NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament.

It seems Mel Kiper can't open his mouth without upsetting someone. First, he went off on ESPN colleague Todd McShay (wait, what?), and now he's drawn the ire of the Dolphins' wide receivers after dismissing the group that has played together since 2008.

Brandon London, a former Giants practice-squadder and part-time model before coming to Miami, was especially bothered by the comments, and took it upon himself to share Kiper's message of hate* with his teammates in an effort to motivate them.

One of the unintended consequences of releasing Terrell Owens is that now there's no one around to take the focus off Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips. (On the upside, the offense is now "Romo-friendly," so there's that.) In previous seasons, Phillips' shortcomings were partly overshadowed by anything T.O. might do, no matter how seemingly benign.

Now, though, when we aren't talking about Tony Romo, the conversation falls squarely on the guy responsible for benching Doug Flutie for Rob Johnson. I have a vague notion of how this is going to end.

At the annual NFL meetings earlier this week, Phillips offered this thoughts on how long it takes to evaluate a head coach. (Presumably, his response is autobiographical, though he could've been speaking in generalities.)

Just in case there were any lingering doubts about John Beck's prospects in Miami, head coach Tony Sparano confirms what most of us already suspected: Chad Henne is the Dolphins' quarterback of the future. Not the immediate future -- that job is still Chad Pennington's -- but come 2010, the former second-round pick is scheduled to take over the full-time gig.

And while the organization is making plans beyond next season, they want to make one thing clear: there is no quarterback controversy in the interim. Pennington, who came to the Dolphins from the Jets last summer and helped guide the team to an improbable 11-5 record, is firmly entrenched as the starter for '09. Just something to keep in mind.

Under the guidance of first-year head coach Tony Sparano and free agent pick-up Chad Pennington, the Miami Dolphins went from a 1-15 laughing stock in 2007 to the AFC East champions in 2008. If they want to remain as the top team in the division in 2009, they're going to have quite a challenge, as they are projected to have the league's toughest schedule.

Not only does Miami have to play six its six divisional games (two each against New England, New York Jets and Buffalo), but the AFC East has drawn the difficult talk of being matched up against the AFC South and the NFC South, neither of which had a losing team in 2008.

With Tuesday's sale of the Miami Dolphins to Stephen Ross, giving him control of 95 percent of the franchise, team vice president Bill Parcells now has a 30-day window to cash in the remainder of his $16 million contract and bolt to another team (or the nearest beach and/or golf course). That is, if he wants to.

Parcells is spending this week, along with Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and general manager Jeff Ireland, at the Senior Bowl in Mobile, Alabama, scouting the NFL's stars of tomorrow. On Tuesday afternoon he addressed the window of opportunity he has to exit Miami with a truck full of cash.

Two years ago, Todd Haley was the Cowboys' wide receivers coach. In addition to his traditional job responsibilities (breaking down film, helping craft the game plan), he also had to make sure Terrell Owens was happy in his new home.

Haley was pretty good at the former but failed miserably at the latter. In fact, owner Jerry Jones contemplated disciplinary action against him. Welcome to Dallas, Todd! Where the inmates have been running the asylum since 1989. (Actually, Haley had berated T.O. for being tardy, and the news somehow made its way to the media, which is what bothered Jones. That's the story, anyway.)

Terrell Owens is 35 years old and has a $3.1 million roster bonus coming his way in June. Those facts, coupled with the perception that he's not the easiest guy to work with, probably have everything to do with speculation that the Cowboys might release him in the coming months.

Last week, the Dallas Morning News' Jean-Jacques Taylor wrote that the organization faced some serious offseason questions, particularly of the "Do we have anybody on staff who can control T.O.?" variety. The obvious answer is: "Bill Parcells," but I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed (or has it?*)

That said, as MDS pointed out at the time, "We should be clear that Owens is in no way, shape or form similar to [the recently released] Pacman [Jones]. Owens is both a much better player on the field than Pacman and a much better person off the field than Pacman. These are not similar situations."