FanHouse TrevAlberts

It is never easy for Division II sports programs to make news without a major criminal investigation or a tragedy. Bringing on a "name" hire is the one exception, meaning the University of Nebraska-Omaha stands a chance of making SportsCenter with the hiring of Trev Alberts as its new athletic director.

The former Nebraska Cornhusker star and college football analyst was the obvious front-runner. Alberts was the only candidate for the position brought to Omaha to meet with the public and media the week before the hiring.

Prop Bets for the College Football Junkie is a weekly post that cares not for your silly point spreads. If you have the money and the gumption, we'll lay down a weekly gauntlet of propositions that'll take you from the penthouse to the outhouse faster than you can guess the number of times Lee Corso will say "not so fast my friend." As always, this is for entertainment purposes only.

$ Lou Holtz has put his foot in his mouth each of the last two weeks in the controlled environment of the studio. So what does ESPN do? Not suspend him for saying basically the same thing Jemele Hill said. No, they put him in front of a mic for three hours for the Thursday night game between West Virginia and Auburn. If there was ever a "give him enough rope" move by a broadcasting company, this is it. So naturally, we put the straight up bet to you loyal reader. Will Lou Holtz say something inflammatory? Yes, West Virginia jokes count!

$ Lets go with this. Let's say his does get suspended or fired. I'm not advocating it, because I enjoy him in his natural state or doing the pep talks. But let's face it, ESPN will have to do something if he has another slip up. Here's a multiple choice straight up bet that one of the following will happen if Holtz is fired:

-Mark May's perceived IQ will drop 50 points automatically.

-Trev Alberts will walk back into the Bristol studios with a "show me the money" look on his face.

-Regis Philbin will show interest, but someone will mention that the last guy was a Notre Dame guy.

$ Continuing with the same theme, Holtz won't sit idle for long. NBC would probably love to have him doing commentary on Notre Dame games. So we put the over/under on the number of times NBC will ask him to tone down the homerism in the first month at 10.

The great fear of every blogger is that one day, someone will read your blog and decide you, like Carthage, must be destroyed. It is my great regret to inform you that hallowed Every Day Should Be Saturday has been located by Trev Alberts -- yes, that Trev Alberts -- and set upon.

Orson asserted that the Trev's latest endeavor seemed kind of low-rent for someone who once graced the screen with Mark May, noting that the fake Atlanta backdrop could have, say, been in Trev's basement and Trev's pants could have been, say, off. In fact, the whole thing was a little bloggy.

Trev says he is wearing pants, thank you very much, and you kids with your computers are going to taste the wrath:



As a man who named an award in honor of your firing from ESPN, Trev, let me say this: please do not hurt me. If you cannot contain your need to destroy my address is 411 Woody Hayes Drive, Columbus, OH, 43210. I am stadium shaped; it's genetic.

At right: Daryl, the Bow-Tie Wearing Duck of Things That Make No Sense.

Trev Alberts, presumably, has watched college football in the past decade, since it has been his job to comment on it. But as anyone who stumbled across the Mark May-Alberts pairing of doom on ESPN understands, Trev Alberts has been hit in the head a lot. As a result, brain death and this:

Of course a lot of what happens in the Big Ten is based on the schedule. It's ludicrous how you can have a conference that allows teams to not play everyone. If Penn State doesn't have to play Michigan, then they're a player.

For the record, it's an obscure Big Ten bylaw that anyone who doesn't have to play Michigan will suck; the last thing you want if you're a Big Ten contender is for Michigan to slide off your schedule and doom you to two years in which the Insight Bowl looks like a major accomplishment. Also, these are the conferences in which everyone plays everyone: the eight-team Big East and the Pac-10. Ludicrousness reigns in college football. Insert BCS whinging here.

(Via Run Up The Score.)

If anyone was thinking of selling their season tickets and moving to Afghanistan for a year just in case 2005 was no fluke, uh... I'd go ahead and get seats on GoatriderAir. Non-refundable ones. We have been cursed by the Trev, who ranks Michigan #2 in his intial top ten. Since Trev's picks are guaranteed to be as spectacular as Trev's NFL career, the peak of which is pictured at right, the only team more thoroughly screwed than us is #1 Auburn. (Observant readers may note that Auburn was also my choice for #1; observant readers can go to hell. Rest assured that Auburn will plummet spectacularly after this and several impassioned arguments against the Tigers.)

Before condeming Michigan and nine other teams to Poulan Weedeater Tire Emerald Bowl hell, Trev gets a shot in edgewise at, well, me and everyone else on the Internets:

I promise that my analysis will go beyond the mundane and the obvious. Mundane and obvious analysis comes from people who have never played the game. Football is a great game, but just because you once covered a team for your local college rag or watched a lot of games does not make you an expert.

No, Trev, mundane and obvious analysis comes from you. All the time. Until you decide to get fired to get away from Mark May.