FanHouse Wooing Brett Favre

Dear Brett,

I know that you're not happy with your situation in Green Bay. Forget them! I mean, it's cold there, they wear ugly green and gold uniforms and it is the smallest market in the NFL. You are a superstar. You deserve better.

Lucky for you, there are several teams that could use the services of a future Hall of Fame quarterback. Some are just a smart, savvy QB away from getting to the Super Bowl themselves. A couple of them play in the Packers' division ... and in the NFC North, revenge is a dish best served freezing.

Maybe you'd like to go to your southern roots. There are a couple of teams down south that could use your help. How would it feel to play a home playoff game under warm, sunny skies?

The NFL may be your oyster, Brett, and we are here to help. Please look over these cities' presentations to help guide your decision.

Minnesota Vikings: May give you the best chance to win another NFC North title Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Come and play in Tampa Bay! Chicago Bears: Yes, Brett: Stick it to those Packers! Carolina Panthers: We brought Vinny Testerverde out of retirement New York Jets: If you can make it there ... Miami Dolphins: Fun, sun and a chance to keep messing with Marino Washington Redskins: You are Daniel Snyder's kinda guy!

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Dear Brett,

Remember before you arrived in Green Bay, Chris Berman used to call any game between the Packers and Bucs as the "Bay of Pigs". No, it still isn't funny. Still, you and Jon Gruden worked together then and it may be time to get back together.

Since then, however, both franchises have blossomed. You won a Super Bowl. We won a Super Bowl.

Gruden arrived in Green Bay in 1992 ... the same as you ... and, along with Mike Holmgren, you guys began your outstanding NFL careers. Gruden doesn't mind adding you into his stable of 100 quarterbacks. Especially since you'd be at the top of his list.

Chris Simms doesn't want to be there. Jeff Garcia is in the final year of his contract. Jake Plummer is retired, I guess. Everyone else sucks. Sure, the offense Gruden now uses is nothing like you've seen, but you can add a few of your old tricks in there.

You'd be playing for the defending NFC South champions ... and no one else in that division looks to be very good.

You can play in right near the Gulf of Mexico ... which your hometown also is, right? With the Tampa Bay Lightning winning a Stanley Cup title a few years ago and the Tampa Bay Rays doing well, you could turn this area into a new Titletown.

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the New York Jets.

Let's face it Brett, you've done about everything a football player could hope to do. You've been to and won the Super Bowl, scores of Pro Bowls and have enough awards to fill the mantles of five men. The only thing the New York Jets could offer you is a chance to finally get the attention you deserve.

How long must a player of your ability toil in the obscurity of Green Bay? You should have people like Peter King and John Madden falling all over themselves to come up with new ways to describe your brilliance and your name should be blaring from the headline of every article written about the NFL. That's what we can offer you here in New York. Nowhere else can offer you that kind of spotlight which has been denied to you for far too long.
Sure, we could tell you we aren't sold on Kellen Clemens as our quarterback, as if keeping Chad Pennington around wasn't sign enough of that, but this is about you, not us. Stop hiding behind others Brett and make yourself be the story for once in your life.

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the Minnesota Vikings.

Dear Brett,

We've heard how you're having some trouble with the Packers. They don't respect you. They aren't welcoming you back like they should. We can help.

Come to Minnesota. Not only do we respect you, but we'll greet you as a conquering hero. We've got a great team, and we're already a trendy pick to win the Super Bowl. But the reality is that we're a quarterback away from a legitimate Super Bowl run. We have the running backs (Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor), the offensive line (Bryant McKinnie and Steve Hutchinson) and the defense (Jared Allen joins Pat Williams and Kevin Williams) to win a title. But Tarvaris Jackson isn't ready to lead a team to the title. Obviously, you are.

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the Chicago Bears.

Don't listen to all those charming come-ons from teams in Florida, Brett, you know that when push comes to shove you want to stay with the good people of the Midwest. Sure, the winters are harsh but it's nothing but solid American folk in this part of the country. And after years of watching you throw touchdowns against them, Bears fans will only be too happy to have you come to town and swing the balance of power in their direction.

You may be worried that we don't run the West Coast offense in Chicago but rest assured that our scheme will be easy for you to pick up. Heck, for the last few seasons we've been starting the poor man's Brett Favre at quarterback. Stop laughing, it's true.

If you erase all your winning and touchdowns and leadership, what are you left with? Nothing but boneheaded throws leading to back-breaking interceptions, that's what. And no one knows how to do that better than Rex Grossman. So you'd just be adding all your positives to the pre-existing negatives! Who could lose?

So come on down to Chicago, Brett and meet your new receiving corps. You've heard of Devin Hester, right? He's Mr. Excitement! Sadly we don't have time to go over the rest of the corps but, rest assured, they've all passed their physicals.

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the Washington Redskins.

Dear Brett Favre,

You have a big name, a big arm and the media will be all over you. I'd be willing to bet that Redskins' owner Daniel Snyder is beating your door down.

I know that the Redskins already have Jason Campbell, but when has Snyder ever let an opportunity to push aside the future for the buzzworthy name? Stever Spurrier, Bruce Smith and Deion Sanders can tell you that. Dude went after a flailing Tom Cruise, for crying-out-loud!

Unlike some other destinations, the Skins aren't a lost cause. They were a playoff team a year ago despite losing some very, very close games and facing some very, very difficult situations. A guy like you could tighten it up. After all, the Redskins are installing a West Coast Offense that was designed by Mike Holmgren -- your former coach at Green Bay. You'd have speedsters Santana Moss and Antwaan Randle-El at your disposal ... as well as TE Chris Cooley and some promising rookie receivers.

Washington likes old guys. Most of the government is filled with them. The Redskins also have quite the history of old guys on their team. Remember the Over-The-Hill Gang of the 1970s?

Hmmm. The Redskins of the 70s? There was another famous Green Bay Packer that found his way to Washington after he briefly retired from the Packers. Some guy named Vince Lombardi.

If it was good enough for him, it is good enough for you!

With Brett Favre's Packer career possibly over, FanHouse is looking at possible destinations for the Pro Bowler. Next up: the Miami Dolphins.

Dear Mr. Favre,

The Miami Dolphins want you Brett. No, they need you, Brett.

You'd know that you could walk into South Beach as the best QB on the roster ... even if your heart wasn't in it. Who the heck else are they going to start? Bill Parcells loves those gritty veteran players and you are as gritty and as veteran as they come.

No pressure. Just sling the ball, sell some tickets and wave your little hat.

Also, you just passed all of Dan Marino's records; why not play for his former team? That would just make his day, don't ya think?

There is the ugly rumor that you want to go to a place where you have a shot to win and, I will admit, Miami isn't the best place for that. Still, that will just mean that no one will criticize you or make you fell unwelcome. Heck, South Florida is filled with retired people who found a little job to make a few extra bucks. Play this year and then shuffleboard off with no regrets.

By the way, I hear Mary is still single and Ben Stiller is out of the picture.