FanHouse Yankees

NEW YORK - There's nothing unusual about ballplayers having pictures of their families hanging in their lockers. But at the new Yankee Stadium, everything's new and snazzy and ... at least a little different from what you're used to. So when you enter the cavernous home clubhouse, with its plush Yankee carpeting, ultracomfy-looking leather chairs and huge flat screen TVs (all tuned to the YES Network, of course), you notice the pictures hanging up on the lockers. And then you notice what's different about them.

One of the storied positions in sports – think Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle and Bernie Williams – now belongs to Brett Gardner.

Yankees manager Joe Girardi declared Gardner had won the spring competition with Melky Cabrera, who from June 1, 2007, through Aug. 3, 2008, started 205 of 222 games in center.

But Cabrera last year was exposed as more of a fourth outfielder than a regular, and Gardner brings the Yankees a speed dimension they have lacked since Chuck Knoblauch.

I was at a museum bar this past week, playing some pool with a buddy when golf came up in the conversation between us and our playing competitors.

One of the guys, slightly inebriated, lambasted me with this theory – Tiger Woods is killing the PGA Tour.

No, there were no bigotry in his voice, he didn't care if Woods was black, white or the color of Paula Creamer's golf ball, he just believed that the onslaught of Tiger fans has brought down the competitiveness and interest of a regular PGA Tour event.

At first I thought this guy was a complete moron. I hit my pool shots, had a sip of beer and mused over the idea that the best thing to ever hit golf could somehow be bringing it down? Hogwash, I thought.

It didn't hit me until Saturday afternoon, on the golf course for my lemming-like weekend tee time, when I realized this guy might be on to something.

Maybe Tiger is killing the tour. No, he isn't killing golf, he's turned a sport reserved for higher class businesspeople into a global phenomenon. He's changed the pot-bellied golfer into a gym rat. He's merged two types of golfers, the one that bombs it off the tee and the one that chips and putts well around the greens, into one golfing freak. He's brought mock turtlenecks, Nike Golf, the first pump and red on Sundays to our regular conversation.

Tiger has changed golf, which is obviously clear.

With that said, has he killed the PGA?

Kyle Farnsworth getting suspended for ANYTHING is Dugout-worthy news, much less getting suspended for throwing a fastball at Manny Ramirez's head. I don't know if he deserved the three-game suspension. I also don't know if he purposefully pitched at Manny's head, but honestly a part of me would be pretty disappointed if he didn't. We came up with your nickname before your announce team did, you might as well do something for our benefit every now and then. He should've thrown the ball at Manny's head, and while Manny was reacting Kyle should've ran up and tried to punch him.

Today's Dugout is the undoubtedly true story of what happened before, during, and after the at-bat. Inside this Dugout you will hopefully find a snippet of dialogue (unfortunately) lacking in misplaced curse words but still ridiculous and unnecessary enough to replace "go rerish" as the thing we're most remembered for. I don't want to be solely remembered as the "go rerish" guy. I mean, I didn't even come up with that. Some oriental guy did!

hold onto your butts; Big Country vs. Manny, after the jump.

I don't understand the Fanhouse feedback, sometimes. Some unsatisfied customers of our high-price service have called us a "humor blog," suggesting that they "don't get it" and that they could better obtain a type of currency called "lulz" elsewhere. This could not be further from the truth. We are not a humor blog. These are actual transcripts from the official chatroom of Major League Baseball. I don't think we've ever hidden that fact. It's like found art. A tampon in a teacup.

For example, today's Dugout is an excerpt from Roger Clemens' court hearing, an event that happens in the future and involves some random cursing and references to popular culture. Why would we write this? This is for your information.

Roger Clemens explains his screen name in detail after the jump.

Yesterday, PostmanE (Dugout screen name: manERamirez) wrote about Derek Jeter's incredibly meandering, middle-of-the-road opinion about Roger Clemens "buying something" and then using it to cheat at baseball. Jeter could be using his position as captain of baseball's most legendary franchise by taking a stand and setting a good example for others by saying, "eff these guys." He didn't and won't, not surprisingly, and I'm sure if Clemens wants to play again he'll get a hundred million dollars to do so.

Today's post-jump Dugout asks Jeter more questions that need answers, such as "what color is the sky" (depends on what time of day it is, or where you are in the world, but it's always a great sky) and "should we let Mark Prior keep playing baseball for money" (no).

At the close of another season in the AL east cellar, the Devil Rays have already received their first kick to the onions for 2008. Next season's schedule offers only one weekend series at home against a "big draw" opponent.

The Red Sox hit the Trop April 25-27. But every other weekend at home will find the Rays tackling the likes of Kansas City, Florida, Detroit, Baltimore, Toronto, the White Sox and Houston. Notably missing are any weekend series against the Yankees and the Cubs, who'll be bringing along former Rays skipper Lou Piniella.

Rays ownership can thank Major League Baseball for any impact on their finances. But at least they're taking the high road.

"While the timing of particular home series certainly affects attendance, what is of greater importance is the experience we offer at Tropicana Field and the quality of play on the field," team president Matt Silverman said.

On the bright side, Scott Kazmir will certainly be happy if Sox and Yankees fans are less inclined to do any mid-week roadtripping to Tampa Bay.

After the Red Sox beat the Twins tonight at Fenway Park, reducing their magic number for taking the AL East to one game, a few thousand fans stuck around to watch the Yankees take on the Orioles on the jumbotron.

Those who stayed didn't leave disappointed; the Orioles, down by 3 in the ninth, pulled a Lazarus, tying the game before winning it in the tenth, and setting off an AL East-clinching celebration on the field and in the stands at Fenway.

It's the first time the Sox have won the division since 1995, but there's still a small bit of drama to be played out this weekend, as the Sox are neck-in-neck with the Cleveland Indians for the best record in the American League, which would give them home field advantage for the playoffs.

As I type this, they're still tossing beer, quaffing champagne and playing grab-ass with the fans at Fenway Park. But the next couple weeks will show us whether this team can conjure as much post-season magic as the 2004 model.

Unable to land tickets to see the Sox at home, where Fenway Park seats roughly 26 average-sized humans, Boston fans have made road tripping a seasonal tradition. But other teams are apparently tiring of hearing cheers for the oppostion on their home turf.

Earlier this month, some Orioles fans vowed to "take back Camden Yards" from the hordes of exuberant Sox fans. And yesterday, as the Sox hit Tampa Bay for the last time this season, Rays' pitcher Scott Kazmir voiced his own distaste for playing at home to the fans of Boston and New York.

"You know it's going to be nothing but a sea of red when the Red Sox are there and then next week nothing but Yankees fans," Kazmir said. "You go out for the first inning and next thing you know they've got one guy on and already that Red Sox chant is going on. That stuff really bothers me. It does. We're a major-league team too. It's tough. It seems like okay, we're just renting-the-place type stuff. I don't know. It's just wrong. It really is."

Teammate B.J. Upton echoed this sentiment.

"I think it's ridiculous," Upton said. "You're supposed to be the home team and the place is sold out, but it's 98 percent the other team's fans. I think you kind of get used to it, but at the same time it gets old. We're playing in the Trop and it's more like Fenway than anything. We go in and play at home and it's like a road game at home."

Hey, if the Rays can start to turn it around -- and, at least on paper, they've got the young talent to do it -- those pesky out-of-towners might just find themselves shut out at the ticket window. Until then, ownership can just keep re-investing those piles of Boston and New York dollars back into the team.

Here at FanHouse, we're all about politeness: holding doors for ladies, waiting our turn at the microwave, putting our pants on before the really important meetings... stuff like that. But when it comes to snagging a souvenir game ball, all bets are off. Clearly, the woman in this video (at the 40-second mark) was trying to teach her son to do the right thing, but I'm betting all she did was earn herself a ticket to the "bad" nursing home in about 20 years.