FanHouse Asgoodasitgetz

There is no greater time than the beginning of baseball season, especially when you write for a sports blog and you happen to be so beloved by the Christian God that he manipulates the happenstance of professional sports to make your feature better.

That's exactly what happened today, when the Kansas City Royals opened up their season in Chicago against the White Sox. If you don't know what happened, allow me to set the stage. The White Sox and Royals were supposed to open the season on Monday, but the conditions weren't perfect and the stars weren't aligned, and a bitter cold forced them to postpone the game for a day. The Royals were up 2-1, but when the White Sox came up to bat in the eighth... well, I'll let you read about it, because hahaha

The 2009 Dugout Season starts tonight, after the jump.

According to insider reports, Ozzie Guillen knows how he wants to die: on the field, mid-pitching change. He wants to die, be dragged off the field, and replaced instantaneously. In equally important news, the sky is blue and Kyle Farnsworth's favorite food is "hamburgers."

But no Ozzie sentence can go unanalyzed, so here is not only a comic about what he said, but about what he said before and after the comment with liberal existential nonsense from WordupThome.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. That's it, bring in the next man.