FanHouse Bakersdozen

How times change. Fifty years ago, the Cold War was escalating, and the Soviets were adding to their nuclear stockpile. In 2009, the Reds may start dismantling their arms. Manager Dusty Baker, of course, has a reputation of working pitchers into the ground. It's possible that our perception of him is overblown, and that he does not literally shove pitchers' arms into wood chippers, but given the impressive young pitching talent on the Reds' roster and in their farm system, there's at least anecdotal reason to worry.

Cincinnatians, finish your subway and then read this morning's Dugout, after the jump.

Earlier today, the higher-ups at the Cincinnati Reds baseball club decided to satiate their fanbase with what was essentially a Dear John Bench letter explaining why the team's efforts have failed despite the organization doing everything right.

What they didn't tell you on the website is that the President and Chief Executive Officer of the Reds read the letter to the masses from high atop the ballpark, and that it wasn't enough. This really happened. Stop looking at me like that.

This morning's Dugout, chronicling those events, is after the jump.

And just who else is this morning's Dugout supposed to be about?

The hype hasn't even started yet. Jay Bruce digs in and puts some mother[hubbard]s in their place, after the jump.

Yesterday, we learned that Ken Griffey paid off his debt to Josh Fogg in American pennies. Maybe Griffey lost a bet. "Hey, Ken! I bet you won't lug $1500 in pennies into my locker to pay off a bet (the one I am currently proposing to you right now)!" That's right. A nested, self-swallowing bet.

Sorry, didn't mean to make your head explode.

On the bright side, your face might be on a penny someday!

Okay, I'm done. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

This year, Major League Baseball has decided to celebrate Earth Day. Yep, that's right: a holiday that champions, among other things, frugality and energy preservation is being heralded by a sport that features superfluous dumb crap as its calling card. Take, for example, this picture to the right. The Reds' ballpark features two large, function-free smokestacks with baseball bats sticking out of them.

No, I mean, I get it. The Great American Ball Park is right next to the river, and the river is the place where the big boats with the smokestacks go "toot toot." Good job being near to a body of water, you guys.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

Nice Gallagher hat, Roc.

One of the most regular complaints from readers of classic G1 The Dugout is our portrayal of Dusty Baker. As the manager of the long-suffering Chicago Cubs, Dusty would often play the straight man, standing by and going "uh oh" while space shuttles fell on Kerry Wood. Cubs fans demanded we show the real Dusty, the one who is coo-coo for some sort of space coco puff, but the running gag of getting trapped in wells and being hurled into hay-balers or whatever was just too great to splinter.

Enter 2008, and Dusty Baker is the manager of the Cincinnati Reds. While there are key differences between G1 and G2 The Dugout, G2 is birthed FROM G1, so consider it fully canon and a fulfillment of your years of wishing as we continue our NL Central Spring Training Dugouts with a look at Dusty Baker without the Cubbies. What you find may shock you.

Oh who am I kidding, Dusty couldn't manage a Yu-Gi-Oh deck without burning his house down. /clicks to read more