FanHouse Baseball Is Boring

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.


Those poor Detroit Tigers. Look, things are bad enough when people are predicting your going to go 162-0 in a season, and you end up finishing in last place behind the Kansas City Royals. Let's face it, the Tigers have been counting down the days until the season's end for a few months now. That was supposed to be yesterday, but just when they thought they were out, MLB goes and pulls them back in again.

Today they take on the Chicago White Sox in a makeup game that will prove to be a pretty important game in the scheme of things. With a win today, the Tigers will pull into a fourth place tie with the Kansas City Royals in the AL Central. If they lose, they are the sole proprietors of last place.

An entire season comes down to one game in Chicago on a rainy afternoon, and it's all after the jump.

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.

While the annual meetings of the White Sox and Cubs has lost some of its original luster in my eyes over the years, this year's battle between the teams is a bit more exciting. After all, it's not very often that both teams are in first place in their divisions when they face off. In fact, it's so rare that it's never happened before this afternoon.

Unfortunately, all this series seems to do is seperate fans of both sides even further than usual. While the divide is always there, for 50 weeks of the year it's a rather congenial divide. The two sets of fans don't much like the other's team, but at least they can get along with each other most of the time.

Then the week of the series comes and with it comes the hate. All of a sudden friends you haven't spoken to in months are sending you text messages saying "We're gonna kick your ass this weekend!" All of a sudden you find yourself taking some kind of cruel enjoyment out of seeing Carlos Zambrano have to leave a game early and have to undergo an MRI on his shoulder.

It's horrible the way that Sox fans and Cubs fans treat each other during these times, and I hope you join me for the next three hours while I try to do everything in my power to make it worse.

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.


From the Wikipedia article for "beard" - "A beard is the hair that grows on a human's chin, cheeks, neck, and the area above the upper lip (the opposite is a clean-shaven face). Typically, only post-pubescent males are able to grow beards. When differentiating between upper and lower facial hair, a beard specifically refers to the facial hair on the lower part of a man's chin."

The question here is, "how much lower part of a man's chin can one man have?" Peralta might as well cut his chest hair into a straight line and pretend it's his jawline. Sorry Jhonny, I want to look like Brad Pitt as much as the next guy, but when your head is shaped like a ripe melon a thin line of scruff isn't going to differentiate your neck fat from your head fat.

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.

Look deep into Edwin Jackson's eyes. Deeper. Stare into his soul. Can you see it? Do you see the pain in Edwin's life? No matter how hard Edwin tries to maintain his calm demeanor and Fonzie-esque cool, his eyes cannot hide the pain of the man they belong to.

Tonight Edwin will come face to face with the painful memories of his past, as he and his Tampa Bay Rays teammates take on the Chicago White Sox in the first of a four-game series. Though, just mentioning the words "white" and "sox" together in a sentence is enough to send little Edwin recoiling in terror. You see, as a boy Edwin was returning home one night from doing homework at a friends house, and was startled to find his home was empty. He called out for his mother, but he got no response, for she was not there.

Then Edwin heard a noise from his bedroom upstairs, and ran up to investigate. What he encountered once he got there has never left him to this day. He found a man, naked, in his room holding a knife to his teddy bear's, Huggsy McSqueezealot, throat. The naked man told Edwin that one more move, and "I'll cut this bear's head right off!!" Edwin pleaded with the man to let Huggsy go, and leapt towards him, only to be thrown back with a mighty stiff arm from the naked man.

"I warned you not to move." he said, just before cutting Huggsy's throat. The naked man then dropped the bear to the ground to drown in his own stuffing before leaping out the window to safety, and it was only then that Edwin noticed that the naked man had not been completely naked at all. For you see, the man had been wearing something the entire time. One pair of white socks.