FanHouse Billparcells

NFL Coaches Fight Club: the Tournament. Because we have nothing better to do than predict what might happen if head coaches started punching each other in the face.

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It's pretty well established that Plaxico Burress is a pain in the ass to deal with. The Giants were willing to put up with it until Plax accidentally blew a hole in his thigh at a Manhattan night club last November (when, ironically, he was supposed to be rehabbing a tweaked hammy).

The team released him earlier this year and now Burress, while awaiting his legal fate, is lobbying other teams for a job. In most other professions, guys who shoot themselves -- intentionally or otherwise -- are automatically ruled out as potential employees. It's a sensible rule and one no reasonable person would question.

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I can understand why a room full of grown men might not respond well to daily dressing downs, particularly from a new head coach not much older than than they are. But that's the situation in Kansas City.

Herm Edwards got his walking papers after a 2-14 effort last season, which, inexplicably, was only half as many games as he won the year before. Scott Pioli, who replaced Carl Peterson as the team president and general manager, hired former Cardinals offensive coordinator Todd Haley to help turn things around.

The Chiefs got right to work on the rebuilding: they sent a second-round pick to the Patriots for Matt Cassel, giving them a franchise quarterback and somebody for Haley, whose success in Arizona landed him this gig, to build the team around.

After a paid holiday in DC last year, Jason Taylor is back in Miami, where he spent the first 10 years of his career. But at 34, his role has changed. Taylor is no longer the focus of the defense, the pass-rushing specialist who averaged nearly 12 sacks a season during his time with the Dolphins.

Instead, he'll be used sparingly, in an effort to keep him fresh, healthy, and productive. Via the Miami Herald's Armando Salguero:

Jason Taylor is going back home.

Taylor, the defensive end who was traded from the Dolphins to the Redskins last year, will re-sign with Miami, The Sun-Sentinel is reporting. The move comes as something of a surprise, as Taylor and Dolphins front office boss Bill Parcells were widely believed to be at odds. But whatever differences the two had, they've apparently found a way to bury the hatchet. ESPN is reporting that Taylor agreed to a one-year, $1.1 million deal. His contract with the Redskins would have paid him $8.5 million if he had played in Washington this season.

No one disputes that Vontae Davis has the athletic ability to be a great NFL cornerback. But some observers were surprised that the Miami Dolphins chose Davis in the first round of Saturday's draft, because there were concerns about Davis's attitude and work ethic, and because Dophins front office boss Bill Parcells has made clear that he values character in assembling a roster.

Davis's college coach, however, insists that there's absolutely no reason at all to be concerned about Davis -- and even compares his abilities to those of the Hall of Famer Rod Woodson.

Bill Parcells has a history of being aggressive, and the results suggest he knows what he's doing. He's taken five different teams to the playoffs as either a coach or front-office type, and is the NFL equivalent of Mr. White Winston Wolfe: he solves problems.

He took the Dolphins from a one-win outfit in 2007 to AFC East champs a year later. And if he thinks Pat White is a special player, I'm not going to argue with him.

On Day 1 of the Draft, the Dolphins selected Illinois cornerback Vontae Davis with the 25th pick, and double-downed with White a round later (44th overall). Davis has been described as a top-10 talent, but character issues saw him drop to the end of the first round. But if there's anybody who can keep Davis in check it's Parcells.

Although the Dolphins had a huge need in the secondary, White might be the best value pick in this draft.

With the draft approaching, we ignore projections and identify the dream scenario for each team in a series we call The Perfect Draft.

A year ago, the Dolphins were coming off a 1-15 record and had locked up Jake Long with the first-overall pick a week before the 2008 draft. Now, one year into Bill Parcells' Reclamation Project, Miami is 11-5, defending AFC East champs, and hold the 25th selection in Saturday's draft.

It seems Mel Kiper can't open his mouth without upsetting someone. First, he went off on ESPN colleague Todd McShay (wait, what?), and now he's drawn the ire of the Dolphins' wide receivers after dismissing the group that has played together since 2008.

Brandon London, a former Giants practice-squadder and part-time model before coming to Miami, was especially bothered by the comments, and took it upon himself to share Kiper's message of hate* with his teammates in an effort to motivate them.

One of the unintended consequences of releasing Terrell Owens is that now there's no one around to take the focus off Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips. (On the upside, the offense is now "Romo-friendly," so there's that.) In previous seasons, Phillips' shortcomings were partly overshadowed by anything T.O. might do, no matter how seemingly benign.

Now, though, when we aren't talking about Tony Romo, the conversation falls squarely on the guy responsible for benching Doug Flutie for Rob Johnson. I have a vague notion of how this is going to end.

At the annual NFL meetings earlier this week, Phillips offered this thoughts on how long it takes to evaluate a head coach. (Presumably, his response is autobiographical, though he could've been speaking in generalities.)