FanHouse Bud_is_wiser

For what official press statements are calling "some reason," Major League Baseball has awarded their 2009 National League Cy Young award to Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum is most famous for winning the award last year, and for recently being arrested for possession of marijuana. He is an enchanter and an amazing pitcher, but my blogger sense is telling me to jump to irrational conclusions and declare that he didn't deserve it. He only won 15 games, which is even less than Greinke. Whatever, Jeter won a gold glove again, we might as well give participation trophies to everyone.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Bud Selig is not the kind of commissioner to sit there jamming his fingers up his snout, doing nothing. No, Bud Selig is going to change baseball for the better. Why, right now Bud is probably at his desk, passionately compiling a fool-proof system of plans to increase ticket sales, inflate national interest, and level the financial playing field for all teams. Yes, this is what he's doing, not giving soundbites to the MLB Network about how the World Series is going to be "good." He's racing around helping people. I like to imagine that he has a special car.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

On Sunday, Rickey Henderson will be inducted to the Baseball Hall of Fame. We're happily anticipating the induction speech of one of the most colorful players in the history of baseball, sure. It never seemed, though, that he would ever stay retired long enough for us to drag him into the Hall.

We've caught the thief, but we all know he's good for another thousand stolen bases. Saturday's Dugout is after the jump.

The All-Star Game rosters were announced Sunday, and both the American League and National League rosters seem to be missing some names. Baseball fans unwittingly exhibited the follies of the democratic process when they failed to vote for guys like Adam Lind, Kevin Millwood, and Adam Dunn.

Of course, All-Star snubs are an annual ritual. All told, the rosters aren't bad. In today's Dugout, it's revealed that they could have been far, far worse. Read it after the jump.

This morning, things just seemed different. I could tell. I had a little more spring in my step. The air tasted just a little more sweet. Little did I know that we'd be finding out Sammy Sosa had tested positive for banned substances in 2003! It was closure. Like figuring out the ending to a movie in the first five minutes, then having it last for 15 years.

Stories this obvious need an esoteric approach, and until the Roto Rush starts contemplating Heaven as a series of interlocking plane terminals and hotel suites, that's our job.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

Manny Ramirez is in the news again for saying... well, I don't know. I haven't had a chance to make the news rounds yet, but I'm going to bet Manny spoke to reporters long enough to tell them that Jamie Hoffman or whoever has severe mental retardation and is therefore "not really a person," and how Manny should be starting in his place, suspension or no. Then two days later Manny apologizes, and we forgive him, because he is really, really good at baseball.

I find it a lot easier to forgive Manny Ramirez on the internet, where his sociological problems can be explained away as childlike innocence. Other things I enjoy doing on the Internet: making grown up millionaires talk like messed up babies, and posting today's Dugout, which is after the jump.

Lackey's piece on Major League Baseball's blackout policy makes it even more difficult to understand the league's logic. I'm not sure exactly how the powers that be determined which areas should and should not be blacked out from a given broadcast, but I have a theory. Every time you attempt to watch a game, all the MLB executives gather together in a sequestered conclave. They take a vote amongst themselves and burn the ballot cards in a furnace. If white smoke plumes out of the smokestack outside, you can watch the game. If black smoke comes out, you are out of luck.

A conversation between you, the consumer, and commissioner Bud Selig is after the jump.

Last season, Milton Bradley led the league with a .436 on-base percentage. This season, he leads board game magnates with a .314 on-base percentage. After telling the media that he believes the umpires have it out for him, the media reported his comments, and Bradley was outraged that the media reported that Bradley told the media that he believes the umpires have it out for him. It's a labyrinthine maze of logic, and it concludes with the single, simple realization that Milton Bradley just isn't hitting well these days.

Your Dugout is after the jump.

I still like to pretend that Getty Images employs a cow named Elsa who started chewing on a camera that was dropped in the meadow and somehow became an art sensation.

But yeah, occasionally something happens in baseball that overshadows the game itself. That's when you have to nod knowingly and accept that everyone wants you to know their opinion about it. If you click the "continue reading" button you can read mine! Oh come on, you have to!

Mr. Bud Selig! Sir! If you are unable to hear a reporter's question, simply state calmly that you are unable to hear them. If you continue to cup your ear and go NYAH?, bloggers such as myself will continue to use these images of you!

As previously reported, the commissioner's newest idea is to amend baseball's home run record list so that Hank Aaron is reinstated as the all-time leader. Aaron calls him dumb in today's Dugout, after the jump.