FanHouse Charlie Weis

The FanHouse Fake News Network. Because the Onion ain't hiring. Jerks.

In anticipation of mutual head coaching availabilities in 2010, Charlie Weis and the Cleveland Browns have met to discuss the possibility of Weis taking over for Eric Mangini at the end of 2009, a source deep within the Browns organization has told FanHouse.

"Charlie understands that the Chiefs with [Scott] Pioli are a good fit," the source said. "But he also knows that no one expects and embraces sports mediocrity quite like the city of Cleveland. Plus, there, 6-5 WOULD be good enough. And from what Weis told the Browns, that matters a lot."

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Colorado coach Dan Hawkins has been adamant the past few seasons that having his son, Cody Hawkins, play quarterback for the Buffaloes was no different than other recruit.

Hawkins did a complete turnaround during Monday's weekly press conference, saying if he had to do it all over again he would not have recruited his own son.

"Not for him, no. Nope. Not at all," Hawkins said. "It's not fair to him. Here is a guy who is trying to do his best to win games and to help his team and does everything right, he's a good student and he's getting killed on Facebook and getting killed on his cell phone.

Hours after losing to Connecticut on Notre Dame's Senior Day, Fighting Irish coach Charlie Weis sat down at length with John Walters and talked to the FanHouse writer one-on-one about his experience coaching at his alma mater. The following is what transpired between coach and reporter very early Sunday morning.

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- The November darkness is unseasonably warm. Charlie Weis steps out of his black Yukon SUV toting two bagels and two coffees. Clad in gray Notre Dame football sweats and shower sandals, America's most renowned embattled football coach, if not employee, has brought breakfast for his first visitor of the day.

The time is 4:28 AM.

It's not nice to kick a man when he's down. In honor of that we will try to avoid the fallen bodies of Charlie Weis, Allen Iverson, Hulk Hogan, Rich Rodriguez and Caster Semenya.

As for Mark Mangino, another rule applies. If you have to kick a man when he's down, make sure he is built like a giant marshmallow so you won't hurt your foot.

So we come not to bury Mangino, but to treat him like a soccer ball. We couldn't bury him if we wanted to because the coffin construction would trigger a worldwide mahogany shortage.

And that, gentle readers, is the first of many potentially offensive references inspired by last week's biggest newsmaker. We hate to make fun of anyone, but the week was full of obesity news and Mangino earned the ridicule.

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- Outside Notre Dame Stadium, where Touchdown Jesus is considering whether to hold his nose and wear a brown bag over his head, a student waved two tickets at anyone who walked past. "Freebies. Who wants free tickets?'' he hawked Saturday.

There were no takers.

"After we lost to Navy,'' he said, "everyone gave up.''

Juxtapose that scene against one inside the famed bowl, where Charlie Weis did something we'd never seen him do. Locked arm-in-arm with his 33 seniors, who were playing their final home game, he wept openly as they emerged from the tunnel and walked onto the field. Weis initially was standing in the back, wanting the seniors to have their day, when he was told to join them at the front. This was their show of support for a man about to lose yet another maddening game -- and, ultimately, his job as Notre Dame coach.

SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP) -- The Connecticut Huskies finally won one for their slain teammate, handing Notre Dame and coach Charlie Weis a second straight bitter defeat on senior day.

Andre Dixon (pictured, right) scored on a 4-yard touchdown run in the second overtime to give the Huskies a 33-30 victory, their first win since cornerback Jasper Howard was stabbed to death.

"Jazz this is for you," coach Randy Edsall said, referring to Howard by his nickname. "Best win we have ever had."

The loss was the third straight for Notre Dame (6-5) and will add to the mounting calls for Weis to be fired. The Irish led 14-0 early in the second quarter but didn't score another touchdown until the first overtime.

Technically Notre Dame is a bowl partner with the Big East Conference and the Fighting Irish is a full-member of the Big East, except for football.

Yet, even with the Irish's ties to the Big East, when they play host to UConn Saturday there won't be one person affiliated with the league that will be rooting for the Irish -- well, except for, the entire city of Cincinnati.

Bearcats Nation will be pulling for Notre Dame to win so that ND coach Charlie Weis will not become former ND coach Charlie Weis. And, in turn, current Cincinnati coach Brian Kelly won't become future Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly.

Other than Cincinnati, the rest of the league will be pulling for the Huskies. The reason is if Notre Dame (6-4) wins at least seven games, by either defeating UConn Saturday or Stanford next week, the Irish is a virtual lock to take the Big East's spot in the Gator Bowl. That would shuffle the Cincinnati-Pittsburgh loser down to the Meineke Car Care Bowl.

FanHouse writer John Walters is living in South Bend, Ind., during one of the most pivotal seasons in Notre Dame history. Check back daily for his dispatches on the Irish.

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- The numbers are fluid, but if you search stories on the web for the past two weeks you will find that no head coach, with the exception of Florida's Urban Meyer, is written about more than Charlie Weis. And if you were to eliminate the stories that pertain to Meyer possibly leaving the Brigadoon that is Gainesville for the "Deadliest Catch" climes of South Bend, then Weis may be number one.

Nick Saban. Mack Brown. Brian Kelly. The Patterson/Petersen duo, Gary and Chris. None of them have had even half the stories being written about them that Weis does even though all five of them have guided their teams to undefeated seasons thus far. Weis' team, as you know, is but 6-4.

FanHouse writer John Walters is living in South Bend, Ind., during one of the most pivotal seasons in Notre Dame history. Check back daily for his dispatches on the Irish.

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- The questions were fewer, the themes less philosophical, the antagonism nearly absent. There was a scent of resignation at Charlie Weis' weekly Tuesday noon press conference -- emanating from the media.

Last Tuesday, when it still appeared as if this season and this coaching staff could be salvaged, the noon presser possessed the frenzy of feeding hour at the zoo's big cats house. The media peppered Weis with questions for approximately one hour, many of them too "big picture" in Weis' opinion, to merit a reply.

This week? The session lasted just 34 minutes, and only two questions were truly worth repeating here.

If you believe rumors, then Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops would be interested in coaching Notre Dame should the Irish send Charlie Weis packing after five seasons.

The initial thought: Yeah right.

"That's ridiculous," Stoops said of the reports on Monday.