FanHouse Crawfish

"Mr. Longoria! Do you think that the 2008 Rays are the 69 Mets in disguise?"
"I don't know, but do you want to see my impression of the 2007 Mets?"
"Sure!"
"/collapses"

Cinderella's glass slipper has broken. Snow White is comatose and being cared for by dwarves. Gaston is trying to stab the Beast to death. Whatever your comparison, the Rays have hit a snag and are down with one crucial injury after another with only a few games keeping them on top of the division. The baseball world watches with anticipation to see if the team can hold together and overcome the odds.

What are the Rays going to do? Who will fill those holes in the lineup? Can you type on the Internet with a broken wrist? Do the Rays have anything to do with free agency? These questions and more (slightly more) in tonight's Dugout, after the jump.

A couple of warnings and advisories about today's Spring Training Dugout:

• It does not feature Bill Pecota
• It's about the Twins, but cannot possibly be about every avenue of Twins fandom and lore so if we didn't get to your favorite aspect of the team this time around don't worry, we've got like 600 days left in the season and only 400 of those can be about the Yankees
• Today's Dugout features adult language, largely obscured by shift-8, but if you're reading these outloud to your kid or whatever please consider reading to them from Zubazpants.com

A couple of weeks ago our very own "Mullet" (Dugout SN: MulletOver) took a break from being an ironic memory of times passed to report about Carl Crawford having beef with Delmon Young and saying word from across the country. Today's Dugout (after the jump ((don't hurt yourself)) ) takes place just as Carl Crawford has reported to his spring training, but before Delmon Young has reported to his.

Suspension of disbelief, people.

Juan Pierre recently signed a five year, $45 million contract with the Dodgers, and Dontrelle Willis was happy for him. Probably because Dontrelle considers any money made by his friend and former teammate community money.

"He said, `We got paid,'" Pierre said. "I didn't get the contract, we got the contract. It was awesome to share with him with the friendship we have getting stronger over the years." Willis' account: "I said, `We rich.' It's a wrap. I don't have to do nothing no more. I'm going to buy a house in Louisiana next to a creek and eat all the crawfish we want."

Hey, this gives me a great idea for a sitcom: Can two men share a house by a creek in Louisiana ... without driving each other crazy? Oh wait, they tried The New Odd Couple already. Of course, eating crawfish every day for a month can get old. So at some point, they're going to have to go to a decent restaurant and get some food that doesn't come straight from the creek. And when that happens, Dontrelle would hope that his friend with the new contract would pick up the tab. But Willis obviously isn't holding out much hope.

"He's still cheap," Willis said. "You tell him I said that, too. I still pick up breakfast after we work out, a couple of breakfasts here and there. He's cheap." Pierre's response: "Come on, man, I've never been cheap. I'm frugal. I like to save and do those types of things. I do pay for the meals. I know he's been cited on saying that he still has to pay for the meals. I pay for the meals. He's going over the top right there."

Perhaps if Willis is traded to the Dodgers, and they sign him to that big deal, they could go in on a mansion and fight over who gets to pay at Spago's. Would someone please get Robin Leach out of retirement when that happens?