FanHouse Dugout

The Pittsburgh Pirates are going to right a wrong in the sports world this season. After the New England Patriots same so close to an undefeated season only to lose it all in the final moments, the Pirates are going to conquer the world of baseball and go 162-0 with the team they have and the power of dreams!

And if they lose? Well, all the kids on the hipster t-shirt circuit get a "161-1" yellow and black novelty tee.

On today's Spring Dugz (are we seriously calling it that), we take step one on the year-long journey toward destiny with the Pittsburgh Pirates. And hey, we managed to get this one done without throwing in the mascot!

Things you will not see in the Spring Training Dugout for the Seattle Mariners include:

• Jokes about Starbucks
• Jokes about rain/rainfall
• Jokes about grunge style music
• Mario showing up and ending folks

Things you will see in the Spring Training Dugout for the Seattle Mariners include:

• Erik Bedard (frown)
• probably that joke about the The Rime of the Ancient Mariner that we've used for like four years
• everything else you see after the jump

A couple of weeks ago, fellow Dugouteer Nick got a chance to write about Pedro Martinez and his involvement with cockfighting, which is like just like the UFC, except the participants don't have free will and there's no sense of pride and competition clouding up the bloodshed and gut-spilling. Also, they have knives. So it's like Tank Abbott in the UFC if you've stolen his leather jacket.

Anyway, Nick usually gets the good Dugout topics. He got to write about Barry Bonds dressing like Paula Abdul. But thankfully, Aramis Ramirez's stance of YEAH I LIKE TO FIGHT COCKS YOU WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT has given me enough of an excuse to do my own take on the story.

Oh, if you don't get his screen name, his name is pronounced "a-ROM-iss." Today: Fighting Death Birds! after the jump.