FanHouse Dugout_metlife

If you've been following the long, strange trip of the New York Mets this season, you know what a tangled, complicated world the front offices of Major League Baseball can be. You understand the frustrations, the egos, the outbursts, and the Machiavellian maneuvering. If you haven't been following the Mets, let me catch you up: "They are the Mets, only they got really bad sooner."

For further analysis, please click the following link and enjoy tonight's Dugout.

"The Mets injury woes are becoming so comical that from now on I'm just going to imagine that Snoop and Chris Partlow are bringing starters one by one into vacant homes and shooting them in the head." - Matt W., on the Progressive Boink forums

The important thing to remember here is that now is when the Mets are supposed to be great. They don't start getting bad until the middle of September. If they can hurry up and be bad NOW, maybe they will be good at the END of the season. Or they will be so bad that Major League Baseball demotes them to AAA.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The Mets are a great team, don't get me wrong. I'm not even the type to hold that... that thing they did in September against them. It could happen to anybody. As an Orioles fan I'm used to seeing stuff like that at the beginning of the season instead of the end, but hey, what are you gonna do.

The Mets have great pitching, a great infield, and a loose pile of body parts and miscellanea scattered across the outfield.

Here's my plan to overcome injuries and past failures this season: WRITE AN EPIC VICTORY SONG RIGHT NOW. Don't wait until May when you're in first place, write it right now. Get David Wright to wear his had sideways or put on the Shufflin' Crew headband and do the cabbage patch in the background while Jose Reyes raps about how they're just "having fun to be the best." It's still Our Team but not necessarily Our Time. We need some Baseball Boogie-quality rip rap rippity doo to put the Dumptyesque Mets Outfield back together again.

That, or like a whole thing of HGH. After the jump, Our Team (Time not specified).

It's Official! Kris Benson signs with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"

With the migration of Anna Benson comes the next chapter in a Dugout story that began in the long long ago before the darkness came about how Anna would sleep with everyone on the team including the mascot if she ever caught her husband cheating. The only way this could get better for us is if she got traded to the Red Sox and got to deflower Wally the Green Monster. She would have to go into the police force and get choked by Dmitri Young to be more Dugout ready.

Anna Benson wears a jersey around her cleavage like we'd never expect and Kris Benson gets into a plane crash and misses the '08 season with a dilated brain in today's Dugout, after the jump.