FanHouse Dugout_suzuki

Ichiro Suzuki extended his hitting streak to 24 games tonight, so I thought "hey, maybe I should do a Mariners Dugout" and went to their homepage. I was greeted by images of the Mariners pointing at me, announcing that they want ME to vote "Mariners" in the 2009 All-Star Game. Always one to please, I opened up my ballot, wrote "Mariners" in for second base, and submitted it.

To save you the unnecessary confrontation of that, tonight's late night Dugout includes everything you need to know about the Seattle Mariners going into the All-Star Game: Ichiro is good at hitting, Ken Griffey Jr. plays there, and Jay Buhner is retired. I think?

The Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout continues to meander through every team in the major leagues, stopping briefly to superficially mock each one. On Tuesday we visited the Rangers and their horrible pitching staff. This time around, we visit the Seattle Mariners and their horrible hitting.

The Mariners disappointed on the field in 2008, and the team responded by firing general manager Bill Bavasi, manager John McLaren, and everyone on Earth who has ever heard of the Mariners. Their most celebrated personnel move, though, has been the re-acquisition of Ken Griffey, Jr. Meanwhile, the team's negotiations with Penny Hardaway and the "Dan vs. Dave" guys continue to progress.

Mariners fans, your Dugout is after the jump.

Hey guys! The end of November is the perfect time for some positive content about the Seattle Mariners! November is over in like a day, so get it while you can!

Believe it or not, there are some positive things going on in Seattle. The Mariners made Don Wakamatsu the first Asian-American manager in baseball history. There might be a strip club going in 400 feet from the ballpark! They're ... uh ... getting new uniforms? No. Ichiro is getting along with his teammates! They aren't going to gang up and beat him down! Well, maybe. What else is there to get positive about in Seattle? Cobain's dead, but the Peppermint Mocha Twist is still pretty great!

The offseason is when we finally get to stop talking about teams that win and do things and get to people like the Twinkies and the M's, so pull up a chair (I assume you are standing at your computer) and enjoy tonight's late night Dugout, after the jump.

Things you will not see in the Spring Training Dugout for the Seattle Mariners include:

• Jokes about Starbucks
• Jokes about rain/rainfall
• Jokes about grunge style music
• Mario showing up and ending folks

Things you will see in the Spring Training Dugout for the Seattle Mariners include:

• Erik Bedard (frown)
• probably that joke about the The Rime of the Ancient Mariner that we've used for like four years
• everything else you see after the jump