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Unless The Lord decides to once again destroy the evil of the world with a thunderous rainstorm tonight, we're going to get Game 6 of the ALCS between the Yankees and the Angels. By now, we've asked practically every question imaginable. We've analyzed and blogged incessantly about the importance of Jeter, about the managerial decisions, about the umpires. We've jumped to conclusions (Phillies/Yankees!). We've hopped bandwagons. We've changed our point of view. So hey, could somebody up there please just stop the god forsaken rainfall so we can get this series over with?

To further exacerbate this black hole of logical sports discussion, here is a facetious Dugout to be taken seriously by Yankees fans that retreads everything everyone has already said.

Yes, Yankee fans, you read that correctly.

In 157 games last season, Mark Teixeira hit .308 while smacking 33 home runs and collecting 121 runs batted in. At age 28, he figures to be entering his prime. He is one of the better defensive first basemen in baseball, and his switch-hitting ability makes him a fearsome addition to any lineup.

Anyway, this isn't who the Yankees got. The Yankees got Nick Swisher and some dude named Kanekoa Texeira. But still, isn't Mark Teixeira awesome?

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

This is Bud Selig.

This afternoon's Dugout is after the jump.

The season is almost over, and we're finishing up with the Yankees and the Red Sox. And hey: I'm glad to be rid of at least one of them.

So begins our annual switchover to playoff-themed Dugouts. Or, if you want to be specific, "How Hard Is It To Do Four Dugouts A Week About The Angels."

Tonight's Dugout (chock full of new and seldomly used screen names) is after the jump.

Kyle Farnsworth getting suspended for ANYTHING is Dugout-worthy news, much less getting suspended for throwing a fastball at Manny Ramirez's head. I don't know if he deserved the three-game suspension. I also don't know if he purposefully pitched at Manny's head, but honestly a part of me would be pretty disappointed if he didn't. We came up with your nickname before your announce team did, you might as well do something for our benefit every now and then. He should've thrown the ball at Manny's head, and while Manny was reacting Kyle should've ran up and tried to punch him.

Today's Dugout is the undoubtedly true story of what happened before, during, and after the at-bat. Inside this Dugout you will hopefully find a snippet of dialogue (unfortunately) lacking in misplaced curse words but still ridiculous and unnecessary enough to replace "go rerish" as the thing we're most remembered for. I don't want to be solely remembered as the "go rerish" guy. I mean, I didn't even come up with that. Some oriental guy did!

hold onto your butts; Big Country vs. Manny, after the jump.

There's a certain type of sports fan we all know, because there are so many of them. You know, the guy who loves sports, but doesn't watch the NBA "because it's full of thugs and gangsters." The sort of guy who thinks Jackie Robinson was great, but unintentionally gives you the impression that it's awfully easy for him to say in the year 2008. I bring up this guy because he's also the guy who will notice a black man who fits his negative preconceptions wearing a baseball cap, nudge you, chuckle, and say, "I bet he doesn't know a single player on that team," as if he knows the name of the kid in the third-world country who sewed his shoes together.

This baseball-caps-marketed-as-gang-flags business, of course, has brought out the worst in this guy. The meat of the story is important, because any socially conscious store owner really shouldn't be selling these caps, but of course this just serves as a launching pad for his "you know what I'm getting at?" tangent.

These issues are not further explored in the newest Dugout, after the jump.

I'm happy that A-Rod is sticking with the Yankees. Yeah, I don't like the Yankees. Yeah, I don't like Alex Rodriguez as a player. However, Nick, Jon, and I would've never started doing the Dugout if he hadn't shown up in New York with Derek Jeter and inserted himself into a series of wacky life situtations. If he didn't show up in the news with strippers or release statements about how sad he is that he doesn't get to have sleepovers with Jeet anymore, we wouldn't have so much fun doing these.

When he was going to end up on another team I kept my fingers crossed that it would be as funny. He could play for the Cubs. We could play the hyperbolic injury angle. If he played for the White Sox we could have him pal with Thome. If he played for the Dodgers he could spend 40 Dugouts watching reruns of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

But things are good in baseball land, and we move on, our heads held high. Apologies to Phil Jackson.

Dusty Baker gets a press pass for the World Series because he's the manager of the Cincinnati Reds, and if the Reds finish in last place with 161 losses in 2008, Dusty will be fired and become the new head coach of the Devil Rays. Or the new head coach of the Phillies. Or the new head coach of some amalgamation of the Cubs and Giants. He'll coach the "Gubs."

Now is the season for managerial changes and the more things change, the more things stay the same. We know what a coach does. It makes sense. We've read books telling us that coaches do nothing. But as do-gooders or do-nothings, why are they always the same guys? Is Jim Tracy seriously in the top 30 baseball coaches in the world?

Today, the Dugout deals with intolerance. It has little to do with how much Dusty Baker looks like Ving Rhames in that get-up.