FanHouse Hanleydown

I agree with Hanley Ramirez: I hate haircuts. They never turn out looking like I want them to. I tell the barber that I want to look like Mark Paul Gosselaar circa the fifth season of Saved by the Bell (the one with Tori, where it looked like he had yellow toothpaste on his head) and I end up looking like Captain Kangaroo. Haircuts are bogus, and I should be able to wear my hair however I like. Why won't Major League Baseball leave me alone?

That's all I wanted to say. There isn't even a Dugout, I just wanted to say something about haircuts. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Your official The Dugout Guide to This Year in the National League East:

• The Mets will win a lot of games.
• The Phillies will win a lot of games.
• The friggin Florida Marlins will win the division with nothing but Luis Gonzalez and a big snapping trading card binder with pictures of actual professional baseball players in it.

Yesterday's Spring Dugz (sprung dugz) dealt with character growth and the development of personality that comes with time. Today's Spring Dugz (springing dugz) is the exact opposite of that, because until Jeffrey Loria turns into a winged monster and breaks the bonds of his life the Marlins are pretty much boned. But boned in a good way, where they win World Series championships.

After the jump, the long road out of Eden.