FanHouse Jewish_smores

As former President Andrew Johnson reported earlier this week, the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox are not, in fact, the same team. I've never thought of them as an autonomous unit, but rather a set of bookends. Between them lies history, science, geography.. all of the important stuff, everything you need to know. Everything outside of them is just crap on your shelves.

As Andrew pointed out, the teams are run very differently. The Yankees have unzipped their, uh, coin purse and put their dense, cylindrical wrapped coins on the table, scooping up the available big names in a grand fashion that leaves nothing but a cloud of smoke and gold-laced footprints in the faces of the competition.

The Sox have responded by holding up a picture of Dustin Pedroia and trying to find every free agent who looks remotely like him. It's been a running gag in our strip for a while now, but the Red Sox need to sign Delmon and Dmitri Young to keep me from going snowblind next season.

The whitest Dugout u'know is after the jump.

When I was a kid, I had a poster stapled to my bedroom wall. Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, Tom Glavine, and Steve Avery, all stone-faced and holding baseballs.

In retrospect, Avery sort of served as abstract representation of the obligatory placeholder. First it was him, then it was Denny Neagle, then Kevin Millwood. They were not individuals; they were the nameless rabble of exploding drummers from Spinal Tap.

If Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz end up retiring this year, and hit the Hall of Fame ballot simultaneously, what becomes of Avery? Bizarre gardening accident?

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

I suppose I can understand why Mets fans wanted Tom Glavine's head on a pike. When they began to suggest that Glavine, formerly of the rival Braves, threw the last game of the season because he still pumped Atlanta blood, I took it as hyperbole and laughed along.

This evening, though, our own PostmanE posted something that made me stop laughing about the whole thing. It seems that Tom Glavine will likely be a Brave next season. This, of course, completely validates our theory. To the best of my ability, I have re-constructed in Dugout form the events transpiring within Glavine's years in New York, after the jump.