FanHouse Jobatothestars

This seriously happens to me every year.

The season ends, and I get depressed. But the offseason still needs Dugouts, so I bust "A" and work hard to find stories and interesting situations for Dugouts throughout the offseason, when no baseball is occuring and everything is heresay and conjecture. Five months go by and we've done 2,000 Dugouts about (essentially) nothing. We keep saying, "Man, I can't wait until the season starts, and doing Dugouts will be easier!"

Then the season starts. Suddenly, it is three weeks later and we've been sitting on our butts loving baseball. We turn to our left, see our computer, go "OH CRAP THE DUGOUT" and spend the entire season making up for the first month we missed.

Oh, and I almost forgot: tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Joba Chamberlain's Mom is SO FAT, that she-

Oh, I probably shouldn't do that here.

Parental malfeasance is nothing to laugh about. There are some emboldened lines to this effect in the actual Dugout but I wanted to repeat it (prepeat it) here in the blurb. It sucks that Joba had a difficult life and while I don't like the guy or the team he plays for or his asinine, Goose-displeasing fist-pumpage I don't wish the guy any particular harms and wouldn't hope to cast dispersions on his family's character.

However, tonight's Dugout is after the jump. At least I'm not posting footage of Jake the Snake dying in front of everybody.

Two notes before tonight's Dugout:

1) Reliant K Kyle Farnsworth has obviously not been on vacation all week. However, the Dugout version of Farnsworth has been on vacation (and yes, he's the religion he says he is in real life too) and if you can't disassociate the two and need a kayfabed explanation, the one who has been pitching in Yankees games this week wasn't Kyle at all but his evil pseudo-brother Jeff.

2) The subject who appears at the end of this strip was brought up and requested in tonight's Baseball is Boring: Mariners-Red Sox live blog. We really do listen to you guys. We wouldn't be doing these (and getting paid to do these) for Fanhouse if it wasn't for our audience, so we always want to know what you want and hear what you have to say. If you haven't been reading BiB you've been missing out and should remedy that. Especially now, before it gets popular and gets its own Fanhouse tag.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

What's ESPN's obsession with determining who is or is not the best sports star of a given, immediate, or to-be-determined time period? Does George Bodenheimer wander around the studios in a toga, trying to philosophize the existential meaning of LeBron James? If I'm Next, does that mean I'm not anything right now?

Today's Dugout deals with Joba Chamberlain being chosen as "NEXT," and whatever the Hell goes along with being that.