FanHouse Johansolo

...step right up and EAT the Mets!

Earlier today, blogsmith Dan Graziano (Dugout screen name: LeavesOfGraz) web logged about visiting Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets, and reported back that all of the stadium's food is limp-wristed in nature. Excuse me, "limp-wristed in nurture." But no, the food has a faux-hawk and thinks its better than us, and I for one am not going to stand for it! I will not be attending a Mets game this season out of protest (also, I live in Ohio)!

I hope Citi Field has a big slogan on the outfield wall reading "THE STRENGTH TO EAT THERE." Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

How many seasons have we played here? What year is it? These questions and more are answered in the Citi Field Inaugural Season 2009 patch, to be worn next season by the New York Mets! All you have to do is turn your head slightly and all is revealed.

The Orioles get the swank old logo/Maryland flag ultimate mashup patch, the Yankees get their arches, and the Mets get a Zippo from Cafe Press. Look at that thing. It's just infuriating, isn't it? Is it a diamond with a dugout? Is it a sideways rectangle? If the words in the blue are horizontal, why is the year diagonal? Did that stoner kid from the design your own video games commercial get an office job with Major League Baseball? Why do I suddenly want to kill my family?

Come for the depressing baseball team, stay for Mike Westfall's hilarious photoshop work. This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

Our last dugout, The Dugout presents Yankee Refocus Giant-Sized Annual #1, was one of our most critically acclaimed of the FanHouse era (by "critically acclaimed" I mean "nobody told us to get a real job"). One of the complaints we've gotten since joining up here is that our stuff is too esoteric and tangential for the mass audience and that our specific kind of esotericism is nerdy as balls and offputting to even the remaining niche audience. The Yankee Refocus Dugout was in the spirit of our Progressive Boink Dugouts, straight-forward jokes and a ton of hyperbole about how the Yankees are gay and rich. It's what works.

So, in the spirit of continuing that upward momentum, here is a Dugout about Eri Yoshida, the first woman drafted into the Japanese professional baseball league, done in the nerdiest way I could imagine. If you spent most of the mid-90s looking for a Suncoast video to buy original language track versions of anime TV shows on VHS, you will probably love this. If you are not one of those 18 people, you will hate it. Sorry, this is the only way I know how to cover the story.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Update: New content added 11/19
Update 2: Well, okay, just a little bit

Now that baseball season is almost over, it's time to completely forget about baseball and focus on awards season! My original idea for tonight's Dugout was the AL Cy Young Award 2008 Chatroom, but that ended up being Cliff Lee bouncing a rubber ball against a wall for 35 panels, so here is that Dugout's hotly-contested National League equivalent. On second thought, they should just give that to Cliff Lee too.

Tonight's Dugout, with all the speculation and obsessive statistical analysis you come to the Internet for, is after the jump.

Starting today, The Dugout will be updating seven days a week rather than five. That's 1.4 times the fun, 1.4 times the athletes irresponsibly slandered!

Today's Dugout, after the jump, doesn't really ask for much preface. I'd just like to say that with Johan Santana gone, the Twins will have to fill the gap in their rotation. Time to let Sidney Ponson out of his cage!