FanHouse Lordsoftheryanchurch

"The Mets injury woes are becoming so comical that from now on I'm just going to imagine that Snoop and Chris Partlow are bringing starters one by one into vacant homes and shooting them in the head." - Matt W., on the Progressive Boink forums

The important thing to remember here is that now is when the Mets are supposed to be great. They don't start getting bad until the middle of September. If they can hurry up and be bad NOW, maybe they will be good at the END of the season. Or they will be so bad that Major League Baseball demotes them to AAA.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

...step right up and EAT the Mets!

Earlier today, blogsmith Dan Graziano (Dugout screen name: LeavesOfGraz) web logged about visiting Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets, and reported back that all of the stadium's food is limp-wristed in nature. Excuse me, "limp-wristed in nurture." But no, the food has a faux-hawk and thinks its better than us, and I for one am not going to stand for it! I will not be attending a Mets game this season out of protest (also, I live in Ohio)!

I hope Citi Field has a big slogan on the outfield wall reading "THE STRENGTH TO EAT THERE." Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

How many seasons have we played here? What year is it? These questions and more are answered in the Citi Field Inaugural Season 2009 patch, to be worn next season by the New York Mets! All you have to do is turn your head slightly and all is revealed.

The Orioles get the swank old logo/Maryland flag ultimate mashup patch, the Yankees get their arches, and the Mets get a Zippo from Cafe Press. Look at that thing. It's just infuriating, isn't it? Is it a diamond with a dugout? Is it a sideways rectangle? If the words in the blue are horizontal, why is the year diagonal? Did that stoner kid from the design your own video games commercial get an office job with Major League Baseball? Why do I suddenly want to kill my family?

Come for the depressing baseball team, stay for Mike Westfall's hilarious photoshop work. This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

The Mets are a great team, don't get me wrong. I'm not even the type to hold that... that thing they did in September against them. It could happen to anybody. As an Orioles fan I'm used to seeing stuff like that at the beginning of the season instead of the end, but hey, what are you gonna do.

The Mets have great pitching, a great infield, and a loose pile of body parts and miscellanea scattered across the outfield.

Here's my plan to overcome injuries and past failures this season: WRITE AN EPIC VICTORY SONG RIGHT NOW. Don't wait until May when you're in first place, write it right now. Get David Wright to wear his had sideways or put on the Shufflin' Crew headband and do the cabbage patch in the background while Jose Reyes raps about how they're just "having fun to be the best." It's still Our Team but not necessarily Our Time. We need some Baseball Boogie-quality rip rap rippity doo to put the Dumptyesque Mets Outfield back together again.

That, or like a whole thing of HGH. After the jump, Our Team (Time not specified).