It's almost like he never existed. I moved to Ohio a few years ago, at the height of Pronkamania. Travis Haftner was the superhero of Cleveland, had his own candybar, and had just hit sixty-two grand slams in three games. Now you can go into any discount clothing store and find Hafner's jersey (in both "Hafner" and "Pronk" varieties) on the discount rack beside C.C. Sabathia and Casey Blake. It's not like he's injured, it's like he's gone. Like he never existed.
Well, it is 2009 and Project Donkey is back, ready to hit .117 with 0 homeruns and 2 RBI in 162 games! Tonight's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump! In PRONKVILLE~!
On my Myspace page there is a picture of me posing with John Adams, the Cleveland Indians drum guy. The smile on my face will let you know how sincere my loyalties to the Indians are, and how excited I am every time I walk into Progressive Field to watch The Tribe play. Even on dollar dog day, when they substitute the normal hot dogs with these wretched, bile-soaked wieners that make your stomach feel like Sal Fasano's face. I also have mark photos with Ketchup, Mustard, and Onion.
That being said, the only transaction worth nothing from the Indians besides signing and releasing Casey Blake again for fun is the addition of Kerry Wood to the bullpen. Wood is getting $20.5 million for two years with an option for a third year.
It is in times like these when my professional loyalties must come before my recreational loyalties. Kerry Wood in an Indians uniform is still Kerry Wood, by God, and if we make it to that third year option without at least five surgeries I will consider it a glorious miracle.
This morning's Native American Dugout is after the jump.
A quick word about the lack of Dugouts lately ... as it turns out, we write about baseball so much that we love baseball, and when the playoffs start we're rarin' to go with Dugout after Dugout of wacky dialects and references to Watchmen. Then, two weeks pass we haven't done anything because we've been sitting around watching the playoffs.
I personally thought the Cubs were going to go all the way, because I have brain damage and never learned basic reasoning. Four out of ten Fanhouse writers picked the Cubs to go all the way, because when we aren't running a sports blog we're picking our nose and eating paste.
Don't get discouraged, Cubs fans! They've still got a chance! Tonight's Dugout is after the jump!
This morning, we hope to get inside the mentality of these gangster rappers and come to some societal conclusions, and though we don't have the hilarious narrator from The History Channel's "Gangland" ("One day, he was leaving a Church's Chicken! when several Crips members surprised him") but we're doing the best with what we have.
Today's jump is real, naw'mean, after the jump. Ya feel me?
According to Ken Burns' classic documentary "Baseball," a sportswriter once wrote of Ty Cobb, "He would climb a mountain to punch an echo." It's an excellent piece of sentiment, but I kind of wish it had been saved to describe Cubs manager Lou Piniella.
Piniella's mug and gut managed to find their way to Google Maps via its Street Level feature. The shot catches him crossing Wrigleyville's Clark Street, presumably to punch an echo. Oh man. He's going to be so mad. Oh man.
Today's revelation that the Cubs' owners are open to selling off their stadium's name isn't unprecedented or terribly surprising, but still pretty sad. People will probably start pointing out that the name "Wrigley Field" is itself a commercial moniker that replaced "Cubs Field" in the 1920s, but...well, a lot of the fans go to Wrigley Field for its purist, traditional nature, and if they're going to start getting rid of that, the Cubs had better find some other reason for them to come. A World Series championship would probably work.
Tonight's Dugout, after the jump, offers some potential new names for the former Weeghman Park.
Basebally season hasn't been over for very long, but I know Spring Training is truly on its way when I get to start writing Dugouts about where Mark Prior is supposed to be going and what Mark Prior is supposed to be doing before his heart explodes or his face gets melted off in a skiing accident or whatever and he's out for the season. Pretty soon the flowers will start to bloom, the fresh morning dew of Springtime seeming to light up the very morning with promise, and Ken Griffey Jr. will fall into a volcano.
Maybe Mark Prior will end up being like Sandy Koufax. He'll struggle for years with a weakness only to reach some sort of Zen Baseball Nirvana and become great again.
Maybe a monkey will fly out of his butt and severely sprain it on the way out.
It's almost like he never existed. I moved to Ohio a few years ago, at the height of Pronkamania. Travis Haftner was the superhero of Cleveland, had his own candybar, and had just hit sixty-two grand slams in three games. Now you can go into any discount clothing store and find Hafner's jersey (in both "Hafner" and "Pronk" varieties) on the discount rack beside C.C. Sabathia and Casey Blake. It's not like he's injured, it's like he's gone. Like he never existed.
On my Myspace page there is a 
A quick word about the lack of Dugouts lately ... as it turns out, we write about baseball so much that we 
It's not quite 
According to Ken Burns' classic documentary "Baseball," a sportswriter once wrote of Ty Cobb, "He would climb a mountain to punch an echo." It's an excellent piece of sentiment, but I kind of wish it had been saved to describe 
Basebally season hasn't been over for very long, but I know Spring Training is truly on its way when I get to start writing Dugouts about where Mark Prior is supposed to be going and what Mark Prior is supposed to be doing before his heart explodes or his face gets melted off in a skiing accident or whatever and he's out for the season. Pretty soon the flowers will start to bloom, the fresh morning dew of Springtime seeming to light up the very morning with promise, and Ken Griffey Jr. will fall into a volcano.
