FanHouse Metrain

Here is what we know so far about the most exciting news story of the summer: Detroit Tigers relief pitcher Joel Zumaya felt a "slight pop" in his shoulder following his one inning of Farnsworthian-quality pitching that lost the lead for Detroit and gave a victory to the Yankees. I would've already expected a Facebook status update and at least half a dozen Tweets about this by now, but we at The Dugout promise to stay on top of the media-unsaturated story until we find out it was caused by "anxiety" and not RBI Baseball '92 or whatever, and everyone forgets about it.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. Don't hurt yourself.

Prerequisite: BlackDraft™ Part 1

The ESPN ticker for the mock Negro Leagues draft as it stands:

Round 1

1. New York Yankees - Cool Papa Bell (CF)
2. Washington Nationals - a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, which are pretty much the worst kind of Dorito
3. Chicago White Sox - Buck O'Neil (1B)
4. Boston Red Sox - David Ortiz (DH)
5. New York Yankees - Manny Ramirez (LF)

Upcoming picks

6. Cincinnati Reds
7. Detroit Tigers
8. Kansas City Royals
9. New York Yankees
10. New York Yankees again

Round 1 continues, after the jump.

Yep.

I think we've all known for a couple of years that the Marlins were going to get rid of Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis, but I wouldn't have guessed that they'd both leave in the same trade. Granted, the D-Train has not looked as sharp over the last couple of years, but he's stayed healthy and he still shows flashes of his earlier brilliance, which suggests to me that he could be built back up to "ace" status with proper coaching. And as Mr. Lackey pointed out, Cabrera fits into the statistical mold of some of the all-time greats. If I were the Marlins' GM, I'd only part with these two for rookies and minor leaguers if one of them were named Babe "Roy Hobbs" Aaron, Esq.

Anyway, today a long-running Dugout gag was realized. That doesn't happen very often. Today's installment is after the jump.

A pitching rotation that would include Dontrelle Willis, Josh Beckett, Brad Penny, and A.J. Burnett. A batting order that would begin with Juan Pierre, Hanley Ramirez, Derrek Lee, Miguel Cabrera (who they could stick back into the outfield), and Mike Lowell. This is what the Florida Marlins would have if they could simply hold on to their young talent. At the least, the Marlins' farm system is better than average, but they don't seem interested in finding a middle ground between "throw money at every big-name free agent that moves" and "trade away franchise names/fire effective and beloved manager."

Remember that movie "Logan's Run"? The one about the future dystopian society that kills its citizens when they reach 30? No? Don't feel bad. Jokes about this movie you haven't seen can be found in tonight's Dugout, after the jump.