By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if, as the conspiracy-minded have insisted for more than two decades, David Stern dictated the results? Close your eyes and imagine such a world ...
#1 Pick: New York Knicks. No explanation is needed here.
#2 Pick: Charlotte Bobcats. Several moribund franchises need a kick start -- Indiana, the Clippers, Milwaukee. But Charlotte has all the ingredients of one of those single-season super swings: a serious coach, good talent, weak competition. If a hypothetical Stern were to fix a lottery, and he could -- with one fell swoop, really -- fix the Pacers, the Clips, the Bucks, or the Cats ... he'd pick Charlotte every time. "Thank you MJ, thank you Larry Brown, thank you Robert Johnson. Now sell some tickets!"
#3 Pick: Sacramento Kings. As mentioned in the karmic scale, the NBA is running the Maloofs' bid for a new Kings arena. By all accounts, the progress is swell. But there's negotiation to come. Would it be beyond a hypothetical Stern to grease the skids a bit by handing over an elite prospect? Does a tough economic sell become a little easier with a top-flight rookie in tow? Yes, methinks. < / homer> Honorable mentions: Chicago (big market), Clippers (ditto), Memphis (retribution for gifting ABC an extra few weeks of the Lakers).
By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if a set of malevolent Basketball Gods, hellbent on upsetting the Order of the League, driving the depressed into further hopelessness, and rewarding only those with misguided or evil intentions, dictated the results? (Note: These malevolent Basketball Gods were responsible for Robert Horry and the Shaq-Marion trade.) Close your eyes and imagine such a world ...
#1 Pick: Seattle SuperSonics.Clay Bennett's already been rewarded by the forces in receiving approval for his relocation to Oklahoma City. But Bennett hates Seattle, and if the Basketball Gods feel the same, they'd totally gift Bennett the choice of Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose to pair up with Kevin Durant as the wagon rides into the dark, dark night. Hell, maybe with the #1 pick in toe, the Sonics can have one final, wildly exciting season in Seattle, just to rub salt in Seattle's gash (which is, of course, in its back).
#2 Pick: Miami Heat. Let's set aside Pat Riley's well-documented relationship with Satan. (They're half-brothers.) Look at the team Riley sent onto the court in March and April! No offense to the D-League purists among us, but if Kasib Powell and Blake Ahearn are regularly starting games for you at this point, you deserve a little anti-karma on the tanking front. The Basketball Gods seem to reward Riley for all of his other transgressions (trading for Jason Williams and Antoine Walker at the same time, knifing a Van Gundy), so why not the most unabashed tanking south of Boston 2007 in modern NBA history?
#3 Pick: Memphis Grizzlies. FH bro Matt Moore pleaded Memphis's case, but no one can justify the hack job Chris WallaceMichael Heisley did in selling Pau Gasol to the lowest bidder. Flexibility is one thing. Unabashed frugality for the goal of selling the team is unadulterated sin. If Heisley gets rewarded by way of Rose, evil has won.
By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if basketball karma dictated the results? Close your eyes and imagine such a world ...
#1 Pick: New York Knicks.James Dolan has done everything (other than self-flagellation) required by the karmic standard to rectify the painful past for his franchise: he kicked Isiah Thomas downstairs and out of sight, he gave a new face complete control of the operation, and he paid a ton of cash to the most exciting coach in the sport, a creative fellow who could make watching even Eddy Curry enjoyable. Of course, Dolan exists as a crime against basketball ... so consider this a karmic thank-you to Dolan for keeping his head out of his ass for a single month (hard work, surely), as well as a heavenly blessing to all those beat-up Knicks fans out there.
#2 Pick: Los Angeles Clippers. Again, the owner of the franchise deserves few plaudits. By several accounts, Donald Sterling is a bit of a scumbag. But these poor Clippers fans! The 2006 postseason was not salvation -- it was a taste of the high life offered solely to make the Evil Empire's return to the top even more painful to watch. Injuries galore, decades of misery ... the Clippers deserve a break.
#3 Pick: Sacramento Kings. Faced with the sincere opportunity to tank two years in a row, the Kings have instead played spoiler and asserted their role in playoff seeding. Also, unlike Clay Bennett, the Maloofs have (shock!) worked with the locals to (awe!) cooperate in building a privately-financed arena. Though the league has taken the lead, the Maloofs might be writing the playbook on how the NBA can survive in a small market without being as good as the Spurs.
Honorable mentions: Minnesota (for refusing to tank and rebuilding the right way), Portland (the feel-good team of the decade ... though one might think their positive mojo has been used up).
FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: charter member of The Fat Backstreet Boys Kevin Love.
Liner notes: Chad Ford's dispatch from Camp Abunassar; the Survivor catalog; the visitors log book from Tom Cruise's secluded ranch; UCLA's NCAA second round game against Texas A&M's DeAndre Jordan; the 2007 Lake Oswego High School slam book; a Ouija board.
FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: future greatest Stanford twin of all time Brook Lopez.
FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: the Black Steve Nash,Derrick Rose.
Liner notes: J.R.R. Tolkein's The Similarian; Nas's Illmatic; tape of Memphis's April 5 Final Four game against UCLA; Rose's DraftExpress profile. Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Ziller.
University of Texas sophomore DJ Augustin is expected to announce his intentions to enter the NBA Draft today, according to a source for the Austin American Statesman. Augustin, last seen struggling against Memphis guard Derrick Rose in the Elite 8, is expected not to hire an agent, in an effort to protect himself in the event of a draft-impacting injury.
Augustin averaged 19 points for the Longhorns this season, and is considered one of the top point guards available in this year's draft, if he does indeed follow through with his eligibility. Currently his stock lands him as low as24th and as high as 7th.
Augustin's biggest knock is his size. At 5-11, he could suffer against taller, more athletic guards like Rose at the pro-level. But this deficit is overcome by his strength, savvy, quickness, and ability to distribute, which should land Augustin somewhere in the top half of the draft with a few solid workouts.
While again there's a bumper crop of NCAA freshmen ready to battle for slots in the 2008 draft, the international imports seem lacking. There might be only one foreign-bred player in the top 14 selections this season, that player being Italy's Danilo Gallinari. He told HoopsHype this morning he will enter the draft.
Fran Fraschilla should be well-versed in all things Gallinari by June 26 because, like last year, Dani might be the only non-collegiate player in the lottery. Only five internationals went in the entire first round in '07 (with only Yi Jianlian in the lotto). 2006's draft had three in the lottery, including Bargnani at the top. 2005 saw two (neither of whom -- Fran Vasquez and Yaroslav Korolev -- is playing in the league). Nicolas Batum has an outside shot at joining Gallinari in the top-14 this year, and never underestimate the ability of some random 7'2 pogo stick to shoot up the board.
By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if, as the conspiracy-minded have insisted for more than two decades, David Stern dictated the results? Close your eyes and imagine such a world ...
By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if a set of malevolent Basketball Gods, hellbent on upsetting the Order of the League, driving the depressed into further hopelessness, and rewarding only those with misguided or evil intentions, dictated the results? (Note: These malevolent Basketball Gods were responsible for 
By theory, the NBA Draft Lottery (tonight at 7:30 p.m. Eastern) is left to randomness. But what if basketball karma dictated the results? Close your eyes and imagine such a world ...
University of Texas sophomore DJ Augustin is expected to announce his intentions to enter the NBA Draft today, 
While again there's a bumper crop of NCAA freshmen ready to battle for slots in the 2008 draft, the international imports seem lacking. There might be only one foreign-bred player in the top 14 selections this season, that player being Italy's 
