FanHouse Nolanontheriver

On Wednesday, Rangers pitcher Darren O'Day wore ex-Ranger Kason Gabbard's jersey onto the field and promptly gave up a hit to end the game. There is precedent for this, of course. During Game Seven of the 1991 World Series, Lonnie Smith's jersey was mistakenly donned by a four-year-old who had just fallen off a merry-go-round.

The Rangers claim that they simply did not have a jersey ready for the newly-acquired O'Day, but I interpret it as commentary. For the most part, the Rangers' pitching staff is a nondescript gaggle of forgettable ball-chuckers, and this occurrence cements the idea that it doesn't really matter who's wearing whose jersey.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

Sad news from the world of baseball this weekend, as John Robert "Red" Murff, the former Milwaukee Braves pitcher who discovered Nolan Ryan and gave Phil Niekro the confidence to use his knuckleball in game situations, passed away at the age of 87. Ryan spoke of Murff in his 1999 Hall of Fame induction speech:

Tonight's Dugout is in tribute to the man who gave so much to the game of baseball, and if you don't like what I did, pretend I wrote something heartwarming about him going to Scout Heaven and hanging out with Buck O'Neil and the little girl from To Kill a Mockingbird.

If I were the self-centered man that I am, which I am, I'd begin to think that the real-life counterparts of Dugout characters read our interpretations of them and follow suit. This idea is bolstered yet again by the revelation that Rangers president Nolan Ryan is displeased with the sluggish offseason practices of his pitchers. Conditioning? Protein shakes? Health? Wellness? Phooey to all that, says Dugout Nolan Ryan. Just find the largest rock you can and lift it over and over until you stop bein' such a popinjay.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

Professional fat man Sidney Ponson somehow possesses a 4-1 record with a 3.88 ERA this season. So why did the Rangers, a team so desperate for pitching that it signed him in the first place, let him loose?

The team is citing chemistry issues. As Mr. Lackey pointed out, it was easy to see this coming, but it's just as easy for me to predict that he'll be on another major-league roster within a month.

Sidney Ponson is horrible.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

During the season, MLB.com is the official site of Major League Baseball, filled to the brim and overflowing with baseball news, rumors, and reports. But in the middle of the dead winter offseason, THAT is when MLB.com gets AWESOME.

There's only so much to write about after the trades have been made and before the pitchers report. If Dontrelle Willis goes to Japan and plays tamborine with some Japanese school children, you cover it. If Dmitri Young improperly combs his son's hair, you write an editorial explaining how it's indicative of a greater aspect of Young's person. And sometimes... only sometimes... you get to compare one thing to another. That's where MLB.com is a Viking.

After the jump, The Dugout deals with the clear, obvious reality that Chuck Finley was at one point way better than Nolan Ryan. When you're done reading, get out a sheet of paper and write 500 words about how Travis Fryman deserves a unanimous vote for the Hall of Fame because he played in the era of steroids and integration, and how that's got to be way harder.