In surprisingly out of character news, Ozzie Guillen is losing his ability to remain positive in light of the unfortunate, existential things happening to the White Sox lately. They've suffered fourth walk-off losses in the last two and a half weeks, the percentages are failing, lineup changes are fruitless... basically Ozzie is standing on the dugout steps while everything else cracks and breaks and is swallowed into the Earth.
Today's Dugout takes a step back to examine the psychological reasons behind the Chicago collapse. Hey guys, it's the examined life!
On April 16th, 1916, Ray Shook suited up for the Chicago White Sox ... or so they say. I invite you to take a look at his career statistics. If the statistics are to be believed, Ray Shook played one career game, but made zero plate appearances. To boot, he did not pitch, and he did not field. Perhaps he was brought in as a pinch runner at some point, or perhaps he never played at all.
Ray Shook is quite possibly the least consequential baseball player of all time, trumping even Moonlight Graham. April 16th was his day. He was celebrated. Then some jerk named Jackie Robinson got famous and had April 15th named after him. Shook was forgotten. To my knowledge, the only picture of him on the Internet is the one to the right, which I just drew in Microsoft Paint.
I hereby commence belated celebration for Ray Shook Day, and I encourage you to do the same by ... not playing baseball, I suppose. Today's Dugout is after the jump.
The Chicago White Sox are exactly the kind of proactive team the AL Central needs. They aren't afraid to sign a guy with broken feet, or start calling their own players homophobic epithets in August when the news starts dying down, or blame all of their problems on a computer that predicted them to be worse than they'll probably be. They're fighting against technology! They're like Will Smith! And what better way to deal with the Central than with a well placed "aw hell naw?"
Tonight's Spring Training Dugout thinks deeply, after the jump.
According to insider reports, Ozzie Guillen knows how he wants to die: on the field, mid-pitching change. He wants to die, be dragged off the field, and replaced instantaneously. In equally important news, the sky is blue and Kyle Farnsworth's favorite food is "hamburgers."
But no Ozzie sentence can go unanalyzed, so here is not only a comic about what he said, but about what he said before and after the comment with liberal existential nonsense from WordupThome.
Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. That's it, bring in the next man.
With Hurricane Gustav hitting the coast recently and Hurricane Ike using Great Aether on a bunch of Texas, we were bound to get horrible weather throughout the United States. Thankfully rain delays are only slightly more boring than the actual game of baseball, so when there's no real news to be had one can make fun out of what they have. I was lucky enough to have the White Sox and the Tigers in the same place when the doubleheaders started getting scheduled.
Additional Dugout Universe notes:
- If you haven't already, don't forget to read Mike's article about his trip to Tropicana Field over at Progressive Boink. - Dugout T-shirts are still on sale, and can be worn over the head like a thin hat to guard you from rain - In lieu of a better archiving system, you can now click most players' photo for an easy link to their Fanhouse tag, where you can read all of the other Dugouts featuring that player. - Tonight's murky Dugout is after the jump.
Deep and sincere kudos to our classic namesake for hitting yet another milestone in his storied, rosy-cheeked, Faulknerian man-child career. 536 is something to be proud of, even if it's still 33 less than Rafael Palmeiro.
HEY GUYS, the last Dugout of August is after the jump.
This morning, we hope to get inside the mentality of these gangster rappers and come to some societal conclusions, and though we don't have the hilarious narrator from The History Channel's "Gangland" ("One day, he was leaving a Church's Chicken! when several Crips members surprised him") but we're doing the best with what we have.
Today's jump is real, naw'mean, after the jump. Ya feel me?
Join host Mel Allen as he takes a look back at the stories that mattered in the world of Major League Baseball this week on "This Week in Baseball," conveniently presented in the form of a chatroom transcript for those of you reading AOL Sports' "Fanhouse" blog, and presented in HD on certain cable systems you live nowhere even close to getting.
In surprisingly out of character news, Ozzie Guillen is losing his ability to remain positive in light of the unfortunate, existential things happening to the White Sox lately. They've suffered fourth walk-off losses in the last two and a half weeks, the percentages are failing, lineup changes are fruitless... basically Ozzie is standing on the dugout steps while everything else cracks and breaks and is swallowed into the Earth.
On April 16th, 1916, 
The Chicago White Sox are exactly the kind of proactive team the AL Central needs. They aren't afraid to sign a guy with broken feet, or start calling their own players homophobic epithets in August when the news starts dying down, or blame all of their problems on a computer that predicted them to be worse than they'll probably be. They're fighting against technology! They're like Will Smith! And what better way to deal with the Central than with a well placed "aw hell naw?"
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