FanHouse Pecota

In a ridiculous but true story we couldn't possibly make up, Kansas City Royals relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth continued his 2009 Farewell to the Major Leagues Tour today by having to get four stitches in his left index finger after being bitten by one of his dogs. According to the report, he was bitten while trying to break up a fight between the canines, but anybody who has ever read a Dugout knows that is totally NOT what he was doing, and chances are it was something even more absurd that what you are about to read.

Sometimes Barry Bonds dresses up like Paula Abdul, sometimes Jim Thome hits a game-winning home run on Opening Day, and sometimes Kyle Farnsworth gets bitten by a dog. Thank you, God, for having a sense of humor. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

There is no greater time than the beginning of baseball season, especially when you write for a sports blog and you happen to be so beloved by the Christian God that he manipulates the happenstance of professional sports to make your feature better.

That's exactly what happened today, when the Kansas City Royals opened up their season in Chicago against the White Sox. If you don't know what happened, allow me to set the stage. The White Sox and Royals were supposed to open the season on Monday, but the conditions weren't perfect and the stars weren't aligned, and a bitter cold forced them to postpone the game for a day. The Royals were up 2-1, but when the White Sox came up to bat in the eighth... well, I'll let you read about it, because hahaha

The 2009 Dugout Season starts tonight, after the jump.

Watchmaker, Part One
Watchmaker, Part Two
Watchmaker, Part Three
Watchmaker, Part Four

And now, thanks to our annual Spring Dugout event quickly approaching and certain free agent signings not working out exactly like we planned them to, our less-epic-than-planned conclusion to the Kyle Farnsworth/Bill Pecota on Mars Watchmaker Saga. Please read the above links before continuing if you want to know what's going on. Or just go ahead and read this one by itself, because it's going to make as much sense that way as any.

Also included is a lengthy "Making of Watchmaker" special feature, content from the Yahoo Sports released "Under the Hat," and interviews with the cast and creators. Thank you for waiting patiently for over twenty years for this, folks! Watchmaker, part five, is after the jump.

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year is 1861. The place ... Mars! Please read these before continuing:

Watchmaker, Part One
Watchmaker, Part Two
Watchmaker, Part Three

Special thanks to our pals at Deadspin for the heads-up on the hilarious future of boring gaming, a continued thanks to Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore, and the most special thanks of all to the Kansas City Royals for doing things that make me think they will be a sort-of-okay baseball team next season.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

Nothing says "the holidays" like a feature on a blog on the Internet the day after Christmas! I missed out on posting yesterday because of "life stuff" (I had to observe a holiday) but hey, better late than never, right?

Part three of our Life on Mars epic continues. Your prerequisites are as follows:

Watchmaker, Part One
Watchmaker, Part Two
Watchmaker, Part Three (click below)

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.

- C.G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections (h/t Alan Moore)

We at The Dugout are still processing Kyle Farnsworth's new status as a Kansas City Royal. One step at a time, I suppose.

If you haven't already, read B's Part One of this story before you read Part Two.

It's after the jump.

Oh my God.

Pending a physical, journeyman relief pitcher and personal performance icon Kyle Farnsworth has agreed to a two-year, $9.25 million dollar contract with the Kansas City Royals. It is a deal that helps nobody, really. Unless you count us.

Step aside, respected bloggers. We got this. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. Deep breath.

Babe, it's a hard life
God makes you live

But without it,
Don't doubt it
You don't even have
Your tears to give

- "Hard Life," Bonnie Prince Billy

If you are unfamiliar with Tom Nieto's role in The Dugout, I humbly ask that you read some of these before you read this one. Your second Dugout of the day is after the jump.

or, "On the Occasion of Jon Bois' Birthday." Happy birthday, friend, you're still way better at this than me.

Two bits of bad news for Wally Joyner. Firstly, he's been canned as the hitting coach for the San Diego Padres. Secondly, his original Dugout screen name of "WallyJoynerInHolyMatrimony" is slightly too long to be effective, so it's been retired. Thirdly, his good friend DJ A.M. was injured in a plane crash. Here's the footage!

(put YouTube link here)

Tonight's Dugout is for Jon, and features a bunch of things he likes. Try to find them all (Jon doesn't like Castlevania, that one was me)!

Prerequisites:

Mark McGwire Is Here To Talk About The Future

Mark McGwire Is Here To Talk About The Future II Part 1

Make sure to read those before continuing on to part 2 of tonight's Dugout, unless you want it to make even less sense than it does to me.

In part 2: Mark McGwire can now ONLY talk about the past, we get the return of a couple of G1 characters (one of whom is a sweet mode of transportation), and at last the true form of PECOTA is revealed. Leave us some comments, enjoy the lore, and be here for the start of the biggest sci-fi epic of the summer. Which is, uh, almost over.

Part 2, after the jump.