FanHouse Pennywise

As former President Andrew Johnson reported earlier this week, the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox are not, in fact, the same team. I've never thought of them as an autonomous unit, but rather a set of bookends. Between them lies history, science, geography.. all of the important stuff, everything you need to know. Everything outside of them is just crap on your shelves.

As Andrew pointed out, the teams are run very differently. The Yankees have unzipped their, uh, coin purse and put their dense, cylindrical wrapped coins on the table, scooping up the available big names in a grand fashion that leaves nothing but a cloud of smoke and gold-laced footprints in the faces of the competition.

The Sox have responded by holding up a picture of Dustin Pedroia and trying to find every free agent who looks remotely like him. It's been a running gag in our strip for a while now, but the Red Sox need to sign Delmon and Dmitri Young to keep me from going snowblind next season.

The whitest Dugout u'know is after the jump.

As we ease back into regularly -scheduled Dugout programming post-Fanhouse makeover we have to get used to seeing familiar faces in new places. Lately Cleveland has taken the Baltimore Orioles approach to getting out of last place by trading away all their good players for prospects, so their best pitcher is now a Brewer and their third baseman/first baseman when they're tired of Ryan Garko hitting .006 is now an L.A. Dodger. The Andy Marte Era has begun!

Today's non-Wikipedia Dugout entry chronicles two things:

1) The blockbuster trade between the Indians and the Dodgers
2) My ability to write about the Dodgers without falling back on that terrible Fresh Prince of Bel-Air running gag from the G1 Dugout

Major League beard-trading is after the jump.

Earlier this week, New York Yankees senior VP Hank "George" Steinbrenner came down like a decrepit stadium on the role of pitchers in interleague play, saying that it was an antiquated rule that caused one of his best pitchers to miss time with the team. The "blogging-o-sphere" immediately got their panties in a bunch over the comments, but you know what? Hank Steinbrenner is exactly right. Are we supposed to let tradition halt evolution? Should we still be playing games in the dark? Should we just play old tapes of Red Barber over new games and hope the play-by-play matches up?

Of course we shouldn't. Hank, the boys at The Dugout are here for you. Today's Dugout (which can be read by clicking the "read the dugout" thing that follows this paragraph) blows the roof off of the hypocritical, so-called web-logging-o-sphere. Grow up, National League. You baby.

102. Reality Bites

First aired: 9/26/1994
Production Code: 60063

Will loses points as a role model for Nicky while visiting an ever-positive kiddie hero who brings joy to youngsters but not to Will. Does the hero live up to Will standards?

Alternate versions of today's Dodgers Dugout include one about Jeff Kent leaving to be a part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, one about Tommy Lasorda running out onto the field and getting thrown to the ground head-over-ass by Pedro Martinez, and one where Joe Torre and Orel Hershiser have dramatically different ideas about what constitutes a "Baseball Boogie."

The NL West wing of Spring Dugz comes to a close, after the jump.

Sometimes a topic finds its way into the Fanhouse and nobody knows what to say about it. This is one of the times when having The Dugout around really helps, because not having any idea what to say about something is what we do best. A quick character guide to help new readers catch up:

Andre Ethier - a deep, complex character whose primary story arc chronicles his constant watching of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Esteban Loaiza - is Mexican, has a funny screen name
Brad Penny - should not be pulling this kind of tail

Today's Dugout features adult situations, so get your parents' permission before logging on.