Alternate title for this episode of The Dugout: "The Dugout: Carlos Zambrano, Power Hitting Clean-Up Man or Guy Who Should Be Batting Third In Cubs Lineup Because He Is Good At Hitting? You Make The Call, A Special Story" But that wouldn't fit on the line.
Carlos Zambrano has been doing it all for the Cubs. He can pitch better than anyone, he can hit better than anyone, he can run a short distance and tear his hamstring better than anyone. He can make Sweet Lou say things like "oh my gosh" better than anyone! He is a dynamo, and even on the disabled list he will fill your team with important statistical beef like FLORP and SNA.
The Cubs held a post-game press conference when Zambrano went down to explain their decision to make him run out onto the field with explosive devices like they did. What follows is a transcript of that conference. The Dugout is after the jump. Boing!
Look at the look on his face. Even he's thinking, "Ugh, why did you guys hire me? Haven't you been watching baseball for the last eight years?"
The sun rose this morning, and Kerry Wood hasn't taken the mound for the Indians since last weekend because of back problems, and I'm gonna go ahead and say he'll be out for the first two months of the season and 90% of September. This should come as a surprise to only newborn babies and the mentally incompetent, but hey, there's no reason to overreact. It's just a nagging back injury, and the Tribe is playing it safe by keeping him out. I'm going to skip the b.s. and just overreact now, so when Grady Sizemore misses the middle of the season with missing groin and Travis Hafner's foot falls off I can blame it on Wood and move on with my life.
While the Phillies celebrate a well-deserved World Series victory, life (and business) goes on for Major League Baseball. 65 players filed for free agency on the first day of the filing period for eligible players, and it's a completely normal but somewhat sad thing to see so many building blocks from playoff teams packing up and hittin' the old dusty trail.
Tonight's Dugout is a two-parter to give Philly their mad, Hammer-like propers, to find out where the Dugout regulars who didn't reach the mountaintop might be headed, and to officially end our season with FanHouse. Tomorrow the season starts over again when we find out what the hell happened to the Twins.
A quick word about the lack of Dugouts lately ... as it turns out, we write about baseball so much that we love baseball, and when the playoffs start we're rarin' to go with Dugout after Dugout of wacky dialects and references to Watchmen. Then, two weeks pass we haven't done anything because we've been sitting around watching the playoffs.
I personally thought the Cubs were going to go all the way, because I have brain damage and never learned basic reasoning. Four out of ten Fanhouse writers picked the Cubs to go all the way, because when we aren't running a sports blog we're picking our nose and eating paste.
Don't get discouraged, Cubs fans! They've still got a chance! Tonight's Dugout is after the jump!
I have a tradition. Every Sunday, I grab some coffee, sit in front of my computer, and read about retired infielder and current Red Sox hitting coach Dave Magadan. Sometimes I'll pore through his stats and realize I completely forgot that he hit .328 one year. Other days, I'll check to see whether the value of his rookie card has topped a nickel.
Today, though, was the most eventful Magaday yet! I learned that he and Lou Piniella are cousins, and that Piniella is his godfather! I celebrated my discovery by treating myself to a two-Pop-Tart dinner (I usually have just one).
This morning, we hope to get inside the mentality of these gangster rappers and come to some societal conclusions, and though we don't have the hilarious narrator from The History Channel's "Gangland" ("One day, he was leaving a Church's Chicken! when several Crips members surprised him") but we're doing the best with what we have.
Today's jump is real, naw'mean, after the jump. Ya feel me?
According to Ken Burns' classic documentary "Baseball," a sportswriter once wrote of Ty Cobb, "He would climb a mountain to punch an echo." It's an excellent piece of sentiment, but I kind of wish it had been saved to describe Cubs manager Lou Piniella.
Piniella's mug and gut managed to find their way to Google Maps via its Street Level feature. The shot catches him crossing Wrigleyville's Clark Street, presumably to punch an echo. Oh man. He's going to be so mad. Oh man.
Today's revelation that the Cubs' owners are open to selling off their stadium's name isn't unprecedented or terribly surprising, but still pretty sad. People will probably start pointing out that the name "Wrigley Field" is itself a commercial moniker that replaced "Cubs Field" in the 1920s, but...well, a lot of the fans go to Wrigley Field for its purist, traditional nature, and if they're going to start getting rid of that, the Cubs had better find some other reason for them to come. A World Series championship would probably work.
Tonight's Dugout, after the jump, offers some potential new names for the former Weeghman Park.
It's official: Kosuke Fukudome is coming to America! The royal penis is clean!
He could end up on the West Coast playing for the Padres or the Mariners (who have a contractual obligation to offer money to all Japanese human beings, apparently), or, if the Dugout is lucky, he'll end up playing for either Chicago team. If he plays for the Sox, we get more situations for Jim Thome. If he ends up a Cub, he gets run over by a steam engine. It's a win-win situation.
Jim Thome introduces the new Sox prospect to his team after the jump.
Alternate title for this episode of The Dugout: "The Dugout: Carlos Zambrano, Power Hitting Clean-Up Man or Guy Who Should Be Batting Third In Cubs Lineup Because He Is Good At Hitting? You Make The Call, A Special Story" But that wouldn't fit on the line.
Look at the look on his face. Even he's thinking, "Ugh, why did you guys hire me? Haven't you been watching baseball for the last eight years?"
While the Phillies celebrate a well-deserved World Series victory, life (and business) goes on for Major League Baseball. 
A quick word about the lack of Dugouts lately ... as it turns out, we write about baseball so much that we 
I have a tradition. Every Sunday, I grab some coffee, sit in front of my computer, and read about retired infielder and current Red Sox hitting coach 
It's not quite 
According to Ken Burns' classic documentary "Baseball," a sportswriter once wrote of Ty Cobb, "He would climb a mountain to punch an echo." It's an excellent piece of sentiment, but I kind of wish it had been saved to describe 
It's official: Kosuke Fukudome is coming to America! The royal penis is clean!
