FanHouse Postcardsfromthewedge

This is my Mark Shapiro autograph. He signed it for me while I was at work, a month or so before the season began. I talked to him about baseball for a while, and he mentioned medical reports and how he thought Kerry Wood was going to be really healthy and strong this season. He shook my hand, and he is a gracious gentleman. I want to preface this post with this, because it is my job to stop making excuses now and start going WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THE BASEBALL TEAM over the Internet.

I am not looking forward to buying a facetious, Detroit Lions-esque t-shirt about how great we were in the preseason or something when we finish the season 0-162. Tonight's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump. Tomorrow's Wahoo Messenger will just be a big picture of LeBron James.

It's almost like he never existed. I moved to Ohio a few years ago, at the height of Pronkamania. Travis Haftner was the superhero of Cleveland, had his own candybar, and had just hit sixty-two grand slams in three games. Now you can go into any discount clothing store and find Hafner's jersey (in both "Hafner" and "Pronk" varieties) on the discount rack beside C.C. Sabathia and Casey Blake. It's not like he's injured, it's like he's gone. Like he never existed.

Well, it is 2009 and Project Donkey is back, ready to hit .117 with 0 homeruns and 2 RBI in 162 games! Tonight's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump! In PRONKVILLE~!

Look at the look on his face. Even he's thinking, "Ugh, why did you guys hire me? Haven't you been watching baseball for the last eight years?"

The sun rose this morning, and Kerry Wood hasn't taken the mound for the Indians since last weekend because of back problems, and I'm gonna go ahead and say he'll be out for the first two months of the season and 90% of September. This should come as a surprise to only newborn babies and the mentally incompetent, but hey, there's no reason to overreact. It's just a nagging back injury, and the Tribe is playing it safe by keeping him out. I'm going to skip the b.s. and just overreact now, so when Grady Sizemore misses the middle of the season with missing groin and Travis Hafner's foot falls off I can blame it on Wood and move on with my life.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Next Big Thing is MLB FanHouse's look at emerging teams, trends and stars in 2009.

No one has lit up the baseball offseason quite like the Cleveland Indians, am I right, folks? From the signing of a Cubs infielder to the signing of a Cubs relief pitcher, all signs point to another AL Central division title and World Series Trophy for the increasingly bored-of-victory Northern Ohio sportsosphere.

Today's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump!

The Cleveland Indians are struggling, and things keep getting worse. Players are going down to injuries left and right, the White Sox are at the top of the division, and if they don't pay attention they could end up behind Detroit AND Kansas City. So what's the cause? Who is to blame?

Well, Yankees Chick blames Kyle Farnsworth. Matt Snyder (Dugout SN: AlongCameASnyder) has his own ideas. But once again it is The Dugout who cuts through the melodrama and bias of sports writing on the Internet to bring you the true story; a story of intrigue that could only have been birthed in the depths of the most deductive scientific minds.

Join us for part 1 of 10 Little Indians, after the jump.